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Billionaire and Minnesota Twins owner , Carl R. Pohlad (there should be an umlaut over the "h") died at the spry age of  93. 


After living through the depression, (as a poor-lad) he lived his life very frugally, becoming known as a miser.  Obviously, he was the snow miser, because he lived in Minnesota.  Heat miser could not be reached for comment.

During the depression, he made money by organizing kids to pick weeds in an Iowa cornfield.  I’m sure this charming tale of child labor working for slave wages made for quite the anecdote at those billionaire gatherings. 

During WWII, he was a cook who also ran a loan service on the side.  If you paid on time, you got an extra meatball.  If you missed any payments… well, let’s just say that Carl was very proficient with a ladle. 

He took his war profiteering money and started collecting banks like so many Barbie dolls.  Eventually, he had enough scratch to buy a major league baseball team that won two world series titles and received the lowest paychecks in the league (see: miser).

The Snow Miser goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  That’s right, Carl is the first one to arrive.  He’s spreading out the lawn chairs, setting up the grilling area and blasting the Springsteen.  Now he just has to sit under the tent that he cleverly made with a tarp hanging off of the tailgate from his gas-guzzling SUV with a brewski in hand waiting for the rest of the gang to show up.

Me, I am just sad that I’m now in the I-don’t-have-as-many-points-as-Tailgating-with-Jesus Club.  Hurm.

Happy Pooling,



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