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Health fitness Guru Jack LeLanne died at the spry age of 96.  Ghoul Pool sources close to the Heaven Admissions Office (HAO) tell us that LeLanne gets straight into heaven because time spent on a treadmill apparently counts as purgatory.

As a child, LaLanne was addicted to sugar, causing him to commit acts of violence, including setting his parents’ house on fire and attacking his brother with an axe.  No… really.

He was so weak his family physician recommended he be removed from school to rest and regain his strength. Around this time, he and his mother attended a lecture by Paul C. Bragg, a nutritionist who told LaLanne he was a human garbage can. LaLanne turned his life around with a strict diet, exercise balanced with a strict regimen of anabolic steroids.

By the age of 18, he was running a home bakery selling healthy breads and a home gym where he trained policemen and firemen in exercise, weightlifting and anabolic steroids.

With all the local cops hooked on the juice, LeLanne knew that he could branch out without fear of reprisal.  In 1936, LaLanne opened up his first gym, which served two-fold.  First, it made a great front to sell more anabolic steroids.  Second, it helped him pursue his other passion: sweaty men.

He went on to sell millions of books that, for those in the know, had coded information about his mail-order anabolic steroid business.  The success of the book made him realize that he no longer needed to sell anabolic steroids to make a living.   But, being a true capitalist, he realized the genius of having two, parallel streams of revenue.

His most obvious outlet for anabolic steroids was his Tiger “Juicer.”  Again, for those in the know, they called up every month, ordering the “real juicer” for the “serious tigers” and six to eight weeks later, they received a Tiger Juicer box filled with anabolic steroids.

This hit juices up The Walls of Jerica to the triple digit mark.  Yes, we have eleven people without hits and two who are in triple digits.  WTF?

Jerica is right behind Bean.  And that’s how the Beaner likes it.

Happy pooling,
SPMI

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