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Hangin’ w/ Cleopatra


A Grave in the Sun

The voice of Maggie Simpson, Liz Taylor, died at the spry age of 79 and, surprisingly, not by choking on a chicken bone.  So, Grim Reaper: apparently not afraid of Virginia Woolf.

Taylor was married eight times: One for each Butterfield and the same amount of times as Mickey Rooney.

She met her fifth & sixth husband, Richard Burton on the set of the “classic” movie “Cleopatra.”  She was paid $7 million for this 4-hour crap-fest.  Richard Burton made… whatever the hell Richard Burton made, plus, as he once said on the Dick Cavett Show: “And let me be blunt.  She was the finest piece of ass I’ve ever had and I’ve had ‘em all over the world!”  …Although, come to think of it, that may be a line from “The Godfather.”

It is rumored that there are and extra two hours of “Cleopatra” floating around somewhere.  And if there is a God, it will never see the light of projector.


But Taylor will always be remembered for her best, and last, film role: Pearl Slaghoople in “The Flintstones.” Cinematic history was made in that scene where she… -actually nobody here at Ghoul Pool Headquarters has ever seen the movie… Anyone?….. Anyone?

Taylor was also good friends with Michael Jackson.  Which means that somewhere, she has Emanuel Lewis’ autograph stashed away.  It is rumored that she plans on bequeathing this treasure to Larry Fortensky.

She went on to make perfumes, ‘cuz, why not?  Her line includes White Diamonds, Passion, Gardenia, Diamonds and Rubies, (really, this many?) Forever Elizabeth, Diamonds & Sapphires, (come on already) Black Pearls and Passion… for men!  First of all, men’s cologne is douchey enough.  But what guy will ever wear “Elizabeth Taylor’s Passion for Men?”  Come on, even Austin Scarlet isn’t that gay.

Taylor will be buried in a diamond and ruby encrusted coffin lined with National Velvet.

This hit goes to: Jami!  Yes, my first wife shoots up to fourth place, where she only needs 60 points to take third!

Happy pooling,




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