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Really? SHE died?

Amy Winehouse died.  I sense an utter lack of shocked gasps with this news.

Yes, the professional train-wreck was found dead in her Londonflat (that’s the Queen’s English for “home”).  Ambulance crews (Yeah, two ambulances showed up.  Try that in theEast End.) said that she had died before they arrived.  She was 27… in human years.

Although the cause of death is not immediately known, Ghoul Pool sources (working out of our London Bureau) have indicated that she died of a very serious condition known, ironically, as “Amy-Winehouseness.”  As Ghoul Pool Administrator, I haven’t seen anything like this since Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig’s disease.

In laymen’s terms, Amy Winehouseness is the perfect cocktail of heroine, alcohol, emphysema, crack, self-loathing and a dash of manic-depressiveness.

She was famously blunt in her assessment of her peers, once describing Dido’s sound as “background music — the background to death” (in response, Dido hung a white flag above her door) and saying of pop princess Kylie Minogue, “she’s not an artist … she’s a pony,” (in response, Minogue said “Ponies!  I love ponies!)

Winehouse was really the anti-music-industry. She didn’t get where she was through auditions.  She wasn’t pretty.  She was FAR from perfect (See definition of “Amy-Winehouseness” listed above) but somehow, she became a Grammy-winning artist.  Take THAT, Miley Cyrus!

In the end, we’re talking about a Grammy-Winner who would be more at home in the middle of a Soccer Riot than the Red Carpet.  (Assuming that you could score some serious drugs in the middle of said Soccer Riot.)  (I am all about the parentheses today!)

Just a note, from a professional Ghoul Pool Researcher:  The obituaries that are out there already were clearly prepared ahead of time.  The media, as a whole, were obviously ready for this eventuality.

This hit goes to: My Sister!  Yes, Mary McFeeley-Lavado-Blecha-Winehouse gets herself on the board in a big way!

While, yes, she has only 1/3 of the points held by the leader (…dick…), she is right up there among the humans!  Even above the imaginary humans!

Happy pooling and lay off the crack,

SPMI

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