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Half-faced movie critic, Roger Ebert died at the spry age of 70.

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Hey, kids: don’t smoke.

Ebert was the Ebert-esque half of the team Siskel and Ebert.  Known to millions as “the fat one,” Ebert was Ernie to Siskel’s Burt for 24 years.

While there are many funny jokes I can make, I think he wrote plenty of his own:

The Brown Bunny, 2003
“I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.”

Armageddon, 1998
“No matter what they’re charging to get in, it’s worth more to get out.”

Godzilla, 1998
“Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter’s Basilica.”

Battlefield Earth, 2000
“Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It’s not merely bad; it’s unpleasant in a hostile way.”

North, 1994
“I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”

Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles, 2001
“I’ve seen audits that were more thrilling.”

The Village, 2004
“To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes.”

Bucket List, 2007
“I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens.”

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 2009
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”

The Last Airbender, 2010
“The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.”

Seven Days In Utopia, 2011
“I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again.”

For more, go to: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/04/funniest-roger-ebert-quotes_n_3017219.html

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Yes, they climb out of the hell that is having 20 points and are now only 30 points behind the new Dick in Town!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 120 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10)

The New Dick in Town – 80 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Joanne – 60 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

Gianna – 50 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Council of Geeks – 40 (Richard Griffiths – 40)

The Girl on Fire – 30 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20)

Babysitter – 20 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10)

Jami – 20 – (Larry Hagman – 20)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)

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One Comment

  1. He was one funny guy. Thanks for the quotes!


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