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George Jones, Country singer with number one hits such as “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” and “She Thinks I still Care,” died at the spry age of 81.

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Those rings: filled with cocaine.

Country music scholar Bill C. Malone wrote, “For the two or three minutes consumed by a song, Jones immerses himself so completely in its lyrics, and in the mood it conveys, that the listener can scarcely avoid becoming similarly involved.” 

To which we at Ghoul Pool Headquarters say “Country Music Scholar?”  We know what those words mean.  But not in that order.  Isn’t that what they call a contradiction in terms?

Jones loved the booze.  So much so, that when his wife hid his car keys from him, he drove his lawnmower to the liquor store.  He later said, “It might have taken an hour and a half or more for me to get to the liquor store, but get there I did.”  Which goes to show, that even Country singers can be heroes.  

In the 70s, his ever-so-wise manager decided that Jones’ addictive personality needed to be introduced to cocaine.  This put him on a bender that led to a stint in the Alabama psychiatric hospital.

To which we at Ghoul Pool Headquarters say, “AlabamaPsychiatric Hospital?”  Holy crap!  It’s bad enough to be in any psychiatric hospital… but in Alabama?  Again: Holy crap!

After the doctors purged his system of cocaine with the aid of leeches and the ingestion of Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup, the Alabama Doctors claimed that he now “possessed the cranium-shape of a clean and sober gent.” 

But Jones was still reliably unreliable to the point that they called him “No-Show Jones.”  He ended up so poor that he had to borrow money from Waylon Jennings and and Johnny Cash.

Man, it’s no wonder this guy was a country singer.  A three-legged dog and a screen door hanging on one hinge would be a major improvement in this guy’s life.

This hit goes to:  NO WAY!  We have a leader!  Dawn-n-Mike (but mostly Mike) Have broken the Babysitter Tie in the great battle of the rookies!

And it wasn’t that long ago that we (but mostly me) were making fun of them (but mostly Mike) for picking a guy who was 101 years old!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 140 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10 – George Jones – 20)

Babysitter – 120 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20, Chi Cheng – 60, Pat Summerall – 20)

The New Dick in Town – 100 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20)

Gianna – 70 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40, E. L. Konigsburg – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Joanne – 60 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

Council of Geeks – 40 (Richard Griffiths – 40)

“Imaginary” Steve – 20 (Al Neuharth – 20)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)

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