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We had a thing goin’ on.

NFL football legend (I just realized that I said “National Football League Football legend,”) Deacon Jones died at the spry age of 74.

Jones coined the word “sack” because he felt that the QB being taken down by a defensive end was akin to a city being sacked by, oh… let’s say, Vikings.

The great Garrett Morris was underutilized on SNL from 1975 - 1980.

The great Garrett Morris was underutilized on SNL from 1975 – 1980.

Nicknamed the “Secretary of Defense”, Jones is considered one of the greatest defensive players ever. The Los Angeles Times called Jones “Most Valuable Ram of All Time,” and former Redskins head coach George Allen called him the “Greatest Defensive End of Modern Football”.  Sure, but could he write a funny obituary?… Ha!  I didn’t think so.

Jones worked with the church for years.  He put in his time and he served the lord well before finally becoming a full Deacon.  He would take out rival clergymen, often while they were saying mass, for his ecclesiastical masters.  In 1986, he famously took out Cardinal O’Conner in St. Patrick’s Cathedral as he was transubstantiating.

And there’s nothing worse than someone walking in on you to catch you transubstantiating

He once had a shot at sacking Pope John Paul II, but Johnny-boy was too wily for Jones, he ran a button hook and carried his mitre all.  the.  way.  to the Pope-Mobile.  There, encased in the bulletproof glass, he mimed a nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-esque taunt that would haunt Jones forever.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Yes, their raw talent has brought them up to 80 points!  Theya re in stiking distance of The New Dick in Town!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 140 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10,Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10 – George Jones – 20)

Babysitter – 120 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20, Chi Cheng – 60, Pat Summerall – 20)

The New Dick in Town – 120 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20, Jeanne Cooper – 20)

Team Sushi – 80 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30, Deacon Jones – 30)

Joanne – 80 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10, Dr. Joyce Brothers – 20)

Gianna – 80 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40, E. L. Konigsburg – 20, Deanna Durbin – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 50 – (Patty Andrews – 10, Dick Trickle – 30, Jean Stapleton – 10)

Council of Geeks – 50 (Richard Griffiths – 40, Ray Harryhausen – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

“Imaginary” Steve – 40 (Al Neuharth – 20, Ken Venturi – 20)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)

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