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or  Kiner’s Koffin

Former baseball-player and perpetual Mets announcer, Ralph Kiner died at the spry age of 91.  He was one year younger than Betty White.


Ralph Kiner spent many years as the official “That-Guy’s-Still-Alive” of Major League Baseball.

Kiner played ball for ten years, for the Pirates, the Cubs and the Indians.  A power-hitter, he lead the league in home runs for seven years in a row.  He got lazy those last three years.

Ralphy-boy then went on to broadcasting… because it’s either that or open a car dealership.  In 1962, he announced for a group of bright young whippersnappers known as the New York Mets.  He announced for them for the rest of his life, also hosting a post-game show called “Kiner’s Korner.”

If there’s one thing Kiner loved to do on the air, it was fuck up.  Man, he loved fucking up.  He would call Gary Carter “Gary Cooper.  He called Tim McCarver (the guy who was sitting right-the-fuck-next to him) “Tim MacArthur.”  He even called himself “Kiner Korner” on the air.  I believe the 1st day of broadcasting school, they teach you how to say your own name…. no, I’m thinking of the 1st day of Preschool.

He also said:

“The Mets have gotten their leadoff batter on only once this inning.”

“All of his saves have come in relief appearances”

“All of the Mets road wins against the Dodgers this year occurred at Dodger Stadium.”

“Darryl Strawberry has been voted to the Hall of Fame five years in a row.”

“Hello, everybody. Welcome to Kiner’s Corner. This is….uh. I’m…uh”

“If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”

“Kevin McReynolds stops at third and he scores.”

“On Fathers Day, we again wish you all happy birthday.”

“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”

“(Don) Sutton lost thirteen games in a row without winning a ballgame.”

“The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on the thirty-first and thirty-second of July.”

“The reason the Mets have played so well at Shea this year is they have the best home record in baseball.”

“There’s a lot of heredity in that family.”

“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April.”

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  With this hit, he joins the not-so-exclusive At-least-we-have-as-many-points-as-Sean Club.

Bean has patiently picked Kiner for years now.  I believe that Ralph Kiner has been picked every year in every Ghoul Pool going back to 1994.  Well, he ain’t gonna be picked for a 20th year, I’ll tell you that!

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 80 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60)

Gianna 60 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Starving Writer – 40 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40)

Tailgating with Jesus – 30 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 30 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20 )

“Imaginary” Steve: 30 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

SPMI: 30 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House ) – 10 (Frederick Sanger – 10)


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