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Famously closeted homosexual Fred Phelps died at the spry age of 84.

Phelps spent most of his life suppressing that glorious summer of ‘44 at camp with his friend… Timmy…  And from that repression, boiled a special kind of hatred.  Only a hatred as strong as his forbidden love could get repress his true feelings.

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Phleps, reminiscing about that summer of ’44… and not-so-little Timmy’s girth.

See, this vomitous mass made a living by being a bat-shit crazy dick-weed who protested against gays at every chance, including toting “God hates fags” signs at military funerals.  How do you get away with such chicanery?  Say it’s all in the name of God.  Hey, it worked for the Crusades.

So, he founded the Westboro Baptist Church.  Christianity’s answer to al-Qaeda.  …And the worst gang-sign ever.

This worthless barrel of monkey-spunk didn’t just preach hate, he wanted hate done right.  If you’re going to hate, hate everyone.  Just go fuckin’ nuts with hate!  His “church” also carried signs that said things like “Thank God for dead soldiers,” “Thank God of IEDs,” “Your Pastor is a whore,” “The Jews killed Jesus.”  Fuckin’ assholes.

This king of putrescence painted an abhorrence-rainbow with vividly loathing colors.  The KKK sat back in awe.  The Tea Party… kinda liked them.  The Nazis…OK, the Nazis were still worse.  I mean, when the WBC kills millions, we can talk.

But it seemed most rewarding for this steaming pile of dog-shit to center on homosexuals:  “Fag Sin = 9/11,” “No tears for queers,” “Dyke liberty.”  Poor little Timmy…  Clearly, Phelps found the gayest people he could find to get them to repress their feelings into a torrent of pure abomination.

The only thing that the WBC liked more than sweet, sweet, secret gay sex, was disrupting funerals.  That was their thing.  Jack Nicholson wears sunglasses indoors.  Michael Jackson had the thing with the white glove.  Brad Pitt eats in all of his movies.  Lady Gaga wears meat dresses.  These chabonies show up at funerals with signs that say “Jews stole the land.”

And if you do not think that they are crazy-fucking-ass-wipes, look at their blog.  You know, the one found at www.godhatesfags.com.  If you think I am joking about that website, you are sadly mistaken.  

“Behold the three legs of the Unholy Trinity: The Dragon (Satan), The Beast (Antichrist Obama) and the False Prophet (the Pedophile-enabler Pope).”

And it’s not even written for their followers.  it’s all set in, “You are evil” and “you are an unbelieving ass-wipe” kind of speech.  It is designed so that the people of “this evil whore of a nation” can really learn how awful they truly are.

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Indoctrination: It’s not just for other religions!

According to the internet, the Westboro Baptist Church protested at 5,987,463,863 funerals just last week.  And next week, it’s like, 100 times more!  Every time there was a tragic death, rumors about the WBC protesting it started up.  Kid gets hit by car: Westboro is going to protest!  School shooting: Westboro will protest!  Fred Phelps dies… oh.  

Ironically, this bag of excrement will have no funeral.  Which is disappointing, because it would be the perfect platform for his church to protest.  That and, who doesn’t want to see his whore of a pastor speak?

This hit goes to: Gianna!  Gianna had the foresight to think that this 24-karat asshole wouldn’t make the year.  And, frankly, she’s a better person for it.  That and she’s only 20 points behind the leader!  Of course, taking the lead is a pretty tall order.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Starving Writer – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20)

Jami: 80 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60)

Tailgating with Jesus – 50 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House) – 30 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20 )

“Imaginary” Steve: 30 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

SPMI: 40 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10)

The Girl on Fire – 20 (Ralph Waite – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

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