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Chemist and loyal DuPont employee Stephanie Kwolek died at the spry age of 90.

She was best known for inventing the first of a family of synthetic fibers of exceptional strength and stiffness (she liked it stiff).  The invention was known as poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide.  Some called in Kevlar… but they are uneducated boobs.

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Being born with giant muppet hands made lab work a constant challenge.

Law enforcement started using poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide vests, dubbing them “bullet-proof vests.”  They were frickin’ awesome!  Until five minutes later when the NRA… or somebody… invented armor-piercing bullets.

Ironically, it was one of these bullets that killed Kwolek in a meth-related shoot-out on the streets of Baltimore.  She loved the glass…  Even ironicallier (it’s a word now, bitches!), she wasn’t even wearing a poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide vest at the time.

She came across poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide while trying to find a lighter material for tires.  You can’t make tires out of poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide.  DuPont docked her pay for this irresponsibility.

She did not develop uses for her invention, the boys upstairs came up with practical applications such as tennis rackets, skis, boats, airplanes, ropes, cables, fashionable vests and tires… they didn’t tell her about the tires… they didn’t want to un-dock her pay.  Hey, these are the nimrods who sponsor Jeff Gordon.

After working for 40 years at DuPont, they gave her a gold watch, kept all the poly-paraphenylene terephthalamide money and let the door hit her ass on the way out.

This hit goes to: Babysitter!  He shoots like a cop-killer bullet up to a tie with me!  So, you know he sucks.  We are in 5th place and a mere 120 points behind the leader.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 120 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20)

Joanne: 100 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10)

“Imaginary” Steve: 100 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna: 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

SPMI: 70 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 40 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

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