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He must be the hearse driver because he’s takin’ him to a funeral.

ESPN anchor and man with two first names, Stuart Scott, died at the spry age of 49.

Scott joined ESPN2 at the network’s launch in 1993 as the host of SportsNight.  While he loved working with Aaron Sorkin, he had a lot of trouble doing his sports commentary while walking through a labyrinth of hallways.

Scott flourished at Extra Sensory Perception Network as a sports commentator, which, let’s face facts: is a job that almost anyone in this world can do.

You give me six months to immerse myself in sports and I will commentate the hell out of it.  All you do is sit and talk sports!  It doesn’t matter if you’re full of shit or when you are proven completely wrong.  No one is ever held accountable.  When was the last time a sports commentator was fired for erroneously predicting sporting events?  It’s easier than Al Roker’s job!

Stuart Scott, shown here doing what just about anyone could do.

Stuart Scott, shown here doing what just about anyone could do.

But I digress…

Scott was also known for his devotion to his daughters, Taelor, 19, and Sydni, 15.  A devotion that apparently does not extend to spelling fucking names right.

President Obama said in a statement… woah, hold on here.  a SPORTS COMMENTATOR gets a statement by the president!  That’s like having the President stop whatever important, Presidential ting he is doing to talk about the untimely demise (God willing) of Guy Fieri.  It’s ridiculous.

But I digress….

Scott was known for his catch phrases like, “as cool as the other side of the pillow,” and “He must be the bus driver because he’s takin’ him to school,” and “call him butter, he’s on a roll.”

…I mean, come on!  Just show up in a sharp suit, have half a personality and BAM!  Seven-figure job!  The President issues a statement about your death!  What the fuck?  A waitress (who works harder) can barely make ends meet and is docked pay when someone dines and dashes on them.  But these guys show up and talk about their hobby in front of a camera and make the President drop everything when they die.  Shouldn’t Obama be more concerned about shit like Putin and Kim Jong-un?  This country is so screwed.

To hell with digressing.

This hit (that illustrates the complete lack of priorities in this country), goes to Nikki!  Nikki gets on the board in a big way with 60 points!  She could be one hit away from taking the lead!

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Anne: 30 – (Joe Cocker – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 20 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus: 20 – (Jean Béliveau – 20)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

Mostly Mike: 10 – (Ralph H Baer – 10)


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