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Former North Carolina Tar Heel coach, Dean Smith, died at the spry age of 83.

Dean spent 36 seasons as coach of North Carolina, his record was 879-254 (.776 win pct.), he retired with more wins than any coach in men’s Division I history, he made 11 Final Four appearances, won 2 national championships, 17 ACC regular-season titles, 13 ACC tournament titles, had only one losing season in 36 years as UNC head coach.

And he gets a big fat “who cares” from this guy.  Why?  Because basketball is the country music of sports.  It’s the worst.  The 1st half is completely trivial, there’s a constant scree of high-pitched sneaker squeaks that makes my hair hurt, and you can’t touch other players.  I mean, it’s the only sport designed to keep people inside.

Smith was also an understudy for one of Jeff Dunham's stupid puppets.

Smith was also an understudy for one of Jeff Dunham’s stupid puppets.

So, go tell it to Dick Vitale.  I could give two shits about basketball accomplishments.

Smith pioneered the Four Corners time-melting offense which blah, blah,blah… now let me tell you about Sergei Eisenstein’s brilliant use of juxtaposition in “The Battleship Potemkin!”  Or Martin Scorsese’s use of camera movement in “Goodfellas,”… or the mise-en-scène in “Citizen Kane.”

OK, I guess we all need to be nerds about something.  But I still hate basketball.

Now to more important matters: Tar Heels?  What the fuck kinda team name is that?  When have you ever heard someone say, “look out for that guy, he’s got tar on his heels?”  Even just the word “Heel.”  Don’t they know that it’s an insult meaning a dishonorable or unscrupulous person.  So, we’re a bunch of assholes covered in tar?  I just don’t get it…  like most of basketball.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Bean is now tied for 2nd place and only 10 points shy of the leader!

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Tailgating with Jesus: 60 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – (Joe Cocker – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 20 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)


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