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“The Hebrew Hammer,” (will there ever be a time when that nickname is not funny?) Al Rosen died at the spry age of 91.

Rosen was a standout third baseman for the Cleveland Indians… which means that he was a wasted talent.  I mean, the Indians?  They made a movie that revolves around the total suckieness of the Cleveland Indians.  And a sequel.

Early in life, Rosen was an amateur boxer, and had a reputation for standing up to anyone who dared insult his ancestry.  But a man gets tired of beating up assholes all day long.  So he started playing baseball in Canada because… why not Canada?

Upon leading the Canadian-American League in home runs (16) and RBIs (86), while batting .323, he was bestowed his idol Hank Greenberg’s nickname, “The Hebrew Hammer.”  But this nickname had nothing to do with baseball.  It came from the ladies… see, his bat is not the hammer.

(…the hammer is his penis)

In the American major leagues, he dealt with a lot of anti-semitism, and he was not going to stand for it.  Once a White Sox opponent called him a “Jew bastard”. An angry Rosen striding belligerently to the dugout and challenging the “son of a bitch” to a fight.  The asshole pussied out on him.

Rosen challenged another opposing player who had slurred his religion to fight him under the stands. And during a game,

They had to doctor his baseball card to make it look like a bat.

They had to doctor his baseball card to make it look like a bat.

when Red Sox bench player Matt Batts taunted Rosen with anti-Semitic names, Rosen called time and left his position on the field to confront Batts.  Hank Greenberg recalled that Rosen “wanted to go into the stands and murder” fans who hurled anti-Semitic insults at him.

So in the end: this guy was a frickin’ BAD-ASS!  He was awesome!  He didn’t take no shit from no one!  Where was he in WWII?  He once said, “There’s a time that you let it be known that enough is enough. . . . You flatten ‘em.”  Go Hammer!

After retiring in 1956 Rosen became a stockbroker and for 22 years, he was known as the “Hebrew Financial Planner.”  The nickname isn’t as glamorous, but you gotta admit, it’s much more fiscally responsible.

In 1978, his bank traded his soul to the Devil and he became the President and CEO of the New York Yankees.  So much for his bad-assery….

This hit goes to… the only person who would have drafted Al Rosen: Bean!  He breaks the 100 point barrier.  Meanwhile…

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 120 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50)

Tailgating with Jesus: 100 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Gianna: 70 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70)

Occupy the Casket: 60 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 40 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – ()

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Babysitter: 20 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

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