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Greedy, barbarous and cruel actor, Omar Sharif, died at the spry age of 83.

He died foolishly trying to cross the mighty Nefud desert to go to a party in Aqaba.  Once he reached the sun’s anvil, he was toast.  Literally.

Sharif will always be known for his iconic role in the film “Top Secret,” where he starred opposite a pre-batman Val Kilmer.  It was in this film that he perfected the cinematic trope of being stuffed in a crushed car so that your erection takes the form of an extending radio antenna.

Now everybody does it.

When a reporter asked if he'll be buried in a lavish coffin, Sharif replied, "I will tell you that when I have a coffin."

When a reporter asked if he’ll be buried in a lavish coffin, Sharif replied, “I will tell you that when I have a coffin.”

He also starred in “Funny Girl.”  A movie that I hope to never watch in my life because it stars Barbara Streisand.  God, I can’t stand her.  I hate her the way Republicans hate Hillary: irrationally and irreversibly.

In Dr. Zhivago, he cheated on the completely adorable daughter of Charlie Chaplin during the Russian revolution.  While I generally hate movies about adultery, I do love this one.  It’s beautifully shot and it’s directed by David-fucking-Lean.

But Omar didn’t always star in Oscar winners.  When working with Viggo Mortensen on the crapfest that was “Hidalgo,” he famously tutored his co-star when he said to him, “This script damn well sucks!”  Sharif looked at him coolly and said, “Certainly it sucks.  The trick, Viggo Mortensen, is not minding that it sucks.”

He was also in “Desert Law”!  How awesome does that title sound?  Here’s the synopsis: A woman’s ex-husband, who is the son of an Arab chieftain, kidnaps their teenage son and brings him back to Morocco, where the boy is to be made the leader of the tribe. The child’s mother hires a mercenary to get her son and bring him back to her.

It should be noted that this came out the EXACT same year as “Not Without My Daughter,” which is basically the same fucking movie but with a daughter instead and with Sally Field.  Two versions of the same piece of shit… man, that’s good.

When reached for comment, Omar Epps said, “We had the same name!  That’s it!  I never met him!  Stop calling me!”

His last movie was called “Rock the Casbah,” which Alanis Morissette finds to be very ironic.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  At 50 points, they are a mere 100 points behind the leader!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 150 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90)

Jami: 140 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50, Dick Van Patten – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: 120 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20)

Gianna: 90 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70, Vincent Bugliosi – 10)

Nikki: 80 – (Stuart Scott – 60, BB King – 20)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 60 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20, Anne Meara – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 60 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10)

Team Sushi: 50 – (Marion Barry – 30, Omar Sharif – 20)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – (oops, I forgot who Anne had – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

Nathaniel: – 10 – (Christopher Lee – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

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