Booze, hash, pot, cocaine, racial slurs, inappropriate touching, being ejected from a hockey game, smoking crack on video… I know what you’re thinking: Best mayor ever!
Chris Farley clone and crack-smokin’ mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, died at the spry age of 46.
Oddly enough, he died of cancer. I feel a little gypped here. There could have been a hundred more interesting ways for him to go: shot by a pimp, shot by a drug dealer, overdosing in the tub, heart attack, a general ass kicking…
Ford made international news when the website Gawker claimed to have seen a video of him drunkenly smoking crack. While he was in office.
This action earned him the Marion Barry award for excellence in the field of being videotaped smoking crack. While in office.
Ford repudiated these charges with much vigor until the video became public. He then explained,”Have I tried it[crack]? Um, probably in one of my drunken stupors.”
A mayor who owns the fact that he has drunken stupors. Frankly, this is more amazing then the crack. We’ve seen a mayor smoke crack before (see Marion Barry award
Ford at his night job.
mentioned above). But a mayor that admits that he gets into drunken stupors is unheard of outside of Ireland.
The lesson in all of this: I could be mayor of Toronto. The only thing that’s been holding back my political career is my love of drunken stupors. That and my complete lack of ambition. And my laziness. And that VHS tape that Rico keeps holding above my head.
This hit goes to: Jami! Yes, Jami pulls out from a tie for 1st and into a major lead. With four hits, averaging at 40 points per hit, she is now at 160!
Just when I was convincing myself that I could have a shot this year…
Happy pooling,
SPMI
Current Standings:
Jami: 160 – (Scott Weiland – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60)
Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)
Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)
Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)
Joanne: 60 (Joey Feek – 60)
The Girl on Fire: 60 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10)
Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins)
Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)
Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)
Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)
Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)
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