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Broadcaster and former baseball star… well, not really a star… former baseball player [yes, we’ll go with that], Joe Garagiola died at the spry age of 90.

Garagiola grew up with Yogi Berra who lived, literally, across the street from him.  They both made it to the major leagues in baseball.  Joe didn’t do as well as Yogi.

In nine years Joe played for four teams, hit 42 career home runs (an average of just under five a year) with 255 RBIs and had a .257 batting average.  So, he was an OK player.  He didn’t really suck, but he wasn’t really good.  He was just there.

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t post those numbers.  But if we want to make a comparison, let’s see how Joe does in creating macros in Excel.  Or better yet, who can watch more movies?  [Frankly, I’m down with that competition against anyone.  The gauntlet has been thrown.]

Garagiola turned to broadcasting following his retirement as a player, first calling Cardinals radio broadcasts on KMOX, which is officially the coolest call sign of any TV station.  K-mox!

He then went to work for NBC where he called a bunch of games, blah, blah, blah… but he also filled in for Johnny Carson as a guest host a few times on “The Tonight Show.”  Imagine how disappointing it must have been to finally go to see Johnny Carson film his show live only to have your day, or more accurately, your life ruined when they announced that Joe frickin’ Garagiola is filling in for Carson.  It’s almost as bad as having Joan Rivers.

He also hosted a handful of game shows because… have you seen the guy? He’s more of a

Joe_Garagiola-Gerald_Ford

Garagiola did a Bane impression before it was cool.

game show host than Joe Biden.

In a case of bald-guys-sticking-together, in 1976 Garagiola supported Gerald Ford in the presidential election.  He actually did some commercials that are famous for hurting Ford’s campaign:

I planned to embed an example of a commercial right here.  Unfortunately, Youtube failed me.

Garagiola was the keynote luncheon speaker at the 2007 convention of the Society for American Baseball Research.  I mention this because…

Stop!  Tangent Time: There’s a fucking Society for American Baseball Research?!?!  What the fuck is that for?  With all the time TV spends going over every aspect of every damn sport (except soccer and cricket), I think we have enough goddamn research done into baseball on a daily fucking basis.  This is a membership organization dedicated to fostering the research and dissemination of the history and record of baseball (thank you, Wikipedia).  Do we really need this shit?  Has the winner of the 1956 World Series been questioned or something?   [It was those assholes, the Yankees by the way.]  Isn’t there something in this world that you can spend your money, time and energy researching that is more important than baseball records?  Like, I don’t know… Cancer?  AIDS?  Sheltering the homeless?  Beating Donald Trump?  I get having a hobby.  I get enjoying going through baseball stats.  But do we need an association for fostering and disseminating baseball stats?  Isn’t that done on ESPN like, Every.  Single.  Fucking.  Day?

He also hosted coverage of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on USA Network from 1994-2002.  So?  He liked dogs.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She pulls ahead of Harmony with her second hit and now has 70 points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 160 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 70 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 60 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

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