Skip navigation


Or: All the Tea in Her

Professional wrestler, “actress,” plastic surgery partron and sometimes porn star, Joanie “Chyna” Laurer, died at the spry age of 45.

Chachie is crushed.

In 1996, Chyna joined the World Wrestling Federation [now World Wrestling Entertainment because of some stupid fucking pandas] where she terrified teenage boys who were not familiar with the concept of strong women.  

Vince McMahon, the owner of the WWF, initially did not want her to join the company because he did not believe the audience would find a woman beating up men believable.  But to be fair, Vince McMahon is a dick.

Wrestling fans watched in awe as her masculine looks were chiseled away over the years to make her look more and more womanly.  Because there’s no room in this world for manly-looking women.

In the aughts, when Chyna needed the dough, she cashed in by doing porn.  She starred in such award-winning classics as the cleverly named “1 Night in China,”(which made Roger Ebert’s top ten movies of 2004) and the clever sequel “Another Night in China” (Which Ebert was sorely disappointed in… but Roper loved it).

Chyna

The evolution of Chyna.  I wonder if her breasts are real?

So the takeaway here is that there are actual porn awards.  I’d really hate to see the statuettes that they give out.

She also starred as She-Hulk in “Avengers: XXX.”  Imagine Stan lee’s cameo in that.  There’s a mental picture for you.  (Spoiler alert: he’s the plumber.)

When Matt Lauer was asked for comment he said, “I don’t know why you think I am related to her because our names are spelled and pronounced differently.”

This hit puts Team Sushi on the board in a big way with 60 points!  They are a mere 110 points behind the leader… sounds depressing, don’t it…

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 80 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10)

Joanne: 70 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10)

Team Sushi: 60 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: