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Tiny actor Michu Meszaros {Pronounced: in some weird Hungarian way] died at the spry age of 76.

At 2’ 9”, Michu was unofficially the smallest person in the world.  I really don’t know why it was unofficial.. Did he fill out a form in duplicate instead of triplicate?  …Fuckin’ DMV.

Named after the abbreviation of Machu Picchu, the diminutive Hungarian was best known for playing Alf on the popular 80s sitcom, “Alf.”  Whenever Alf moved from behind the couch to the table, looking all creepy because you know he’s just a puppet, and he shouldn’t be walking around like that because puppets don’t have legs and it’s just fukin’ creepy!, that was Michu inside of that Alf suit.

He couldn’t be in the Alf suit for too long because it was extremely hot and uncomfortable for the actor to wear under the bright studio lights.  And there are labor laws that are meant to protect people from such conditions.  Unlike in Japan where you play goddamn Godzilla until we drag your goddamn unconscious body out of that goddamn suit and sew in a goddamn replacement actor!

As a youngster, Michu attended a state-run school of circus arts, becoming well-versed in many and varied performing skills.  He did this because he could see the fucking writing

Michu Meszaros

That Michael Jackson… he loved males of small stature.

on the wall.  He was 2 feet tall!  What the hell else is he gonna do?  He was never going to make it as the manager of the local Hungarian Quick Stop [known locally as Gyors Stop].  If he was gonna make any scratch in this world, the circus was the ticket.

After hearing rumors of his existence for years, Ringling Brothers found him in 1973 and hired him to be… well… a midget.  But you know, in a way that debases his dignity.

Michu did a bit as a trainer for standard poodles.  See, it was funny because the dogs were bigger than he was.  And somewhere, a young Peter Dinklage hung his head in quiet disgust.

Michu was in four feature films including Waxwork, Big-Top Pee-Wee, Warlock: Armageddon, Freaked and… oh, I guess that’s all of them.

That last movie starred Brooke Shields and is about a vain actor, his best friend, and an activist end up at a mutant freak farm run by a weirdo scientist.  Must.  See.  This.  Movie!

He also did an episode of “Dear John,” because he and Judd Hircsh had been looking for a project to do together for years.

This hit goes to: Mostly Mike!  He is now up to an astounding 50 points!  Remember, this is the guy who won on his rookie year.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 90 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 80 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mostly Mike: 50 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Nathaniel: 10 (Alan Young – 10)

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