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R2D2 beeped his last beep this weekend when diminutive actor Kenny Baker died at the spry age of 81.

Baker took the job of sitting in an 80 pound tin can in the middle of the Tunisian desert in 100 degree heat just to entertain us all as R2D2: the droid with a plan.

See, all of Star Wars goes according to R2’s plans.  Once he get the schematics for the Death Star loaded into him, he’s like, “Awright, let’s get this shit done!”

He commandeers an escape pod to get to the home planet of Obi Wan Kenobi and despite imprisonment by Jawas and a family of moisture farmers, he manages to trick some dumb kid (who just wanted to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters) into taking off his restraining bolt so that he could be on his merry way to Obi Wan…

My point is: that little fucker knew what the hell he was doing.

Because he stood at a commanding 3’ 8” tall (that would have made him ½ of a Darth

Baker

The head of Kenny Baker will be on display at the National Gallery in London.

Vader), he was an ideal candidate to sit in the tin can.

Baker initially turned down the roll of R2 saying, “I don’t want to be stuck in a robot, what for, for goodness sake.”  Because he was the only person who could fit inside the R2 unit and manipulate it, he eventually relented and later said that if he were to do it again, he would have done it for free.

I know what you’re thinking: why not make the robot more… robotic?  Because this was 1976, jackass.  The most recent movie to use robotics in a big way was “Jaws.”  And that damn shark never worked.  So installing remote servos and all that shit was out of the question, practically and technologically.  

Now stop asking stupid-ass questions.

Cause of death was listed as a direct hit from an ion blaster that disabled Baker, rendering him powerless.  CCTV revealed that Jawas were in the area at the time, but Scotland Yard is not commenting on the possibility of a Jawa scavenging.

This hit goes to: Nathaniel!  (To which we all sigh a collective “duh.”)  Nathaniel claws his way up from last place with 10 points, all the way to last place with 30 points!

The force: not so strong with this one.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 100 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 40 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20)

Nathaniel: 30 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20)

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