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Singer and poster-child for aging gracefully, Pete Burns died at the spry age of 57.

Burns was the singer/songwriter for the 80s one-hit-wonder Dead or Alive.  He is now the former.

Their hit was “You Spin me Round (Like a Record).”  You remember that song: “You spin me right round, baby / Right round like a record, baby / Right round round round.”

And now the song is totally in your head.

Burns took the money from one-hit-wonder-dom and invested it.  He invested it poorly.  He invested it in over 300 plastic surgery procedures.  

He ended up looking like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon honoring RuPaul… like Steven Tyler had been found floating dead in his pool for a week… like a Spitting Image puppet of Cher from the “Land of Confusion” video… like a failed audition for “White Chicks”…  He looked like shit wrapped in a plastic bag and run in the microwave until the bag was just about to burst.

He didn’t look good.

As any washed-up celebrity worth his salt, Burns went to reality TV.  The last bastion for the untalented.  

He appeared on BBC’s Celebrity Big Brother 2006, eventually reaching fifth on the show’s final episode.  I mean, talk about living the rock-n-Roll dream.  

He was only a reality star in England.  We already have Flava Flav, we don’t need any more of that crap

burns

…like the underside of a trash bag filled with pudding and left in the Arizona sun.

On the show that he claimed that his coat was made out of gorilla fur – causing outrage with animal rights’ activists.  Unlicensed gorilla fur is illegal in the United Kingdom.  If he just took the damn test and got his license, everything would have been just fine.

Police confiscated the coat and tests revealed that it was not gorilla, but the fur of colobus monkeys. Colobus monkeys are also an endangered species whose fur requires a licence, although experts [experts in what, exactly?] believed that the fur had been imported in the 1930s or ’40s, before it became illegal to import colobus fur in 1975.  For more, I refer you to the legal precedences listed in “The Legalease of Wearing Dead Shit in the UK.”

This hit goes to Gianna!  She gets a whopping 50 points which brings her above the 3-digit mark!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: Draft night is 11/5 – a mere 9 days away!

Current Standings:

Jami: 210 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10, Edward Albee – 20, Chris Sizemore)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20, Buckwheat Zydeco – 40)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Gianna: 110 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20, Herschell Gordon Lewis – 20, Pete Burns – 50)

Harmony: 100 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30, Gene Wilder – 20, Arnold Palmer – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Imaginary Steve: 20 – (King Bhumibol Adulyadej – 20)

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