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The Clean Marine and the 1st man to ever orbit the earth, John Glenn, died at the spry age of 95.

OK, Yuri Gagarin was the first person to orbit the earth.  But he was Russian, so that doesn’t count.

Well, really Phileas Fogg was the first person to orbit the earth, but that took him 80 days.  So that doesn’t count either.  Plus, Fogg is fictional.  So there’s that too.

Glenn was known as a squeaky clean, gosh-golly-gee-willikers type of guy.  In the Mercury program, he convinced the more rough and rowdy test pilots that they had to

glenn

“Friendship 7” was originally called “Fuck Those Commie Bastards in the Ass!”  The name was struck after the “F” was painted, so they had to come up with something else.

keep their pants zipped and their wicks dry, you know, for PR purposes.

Glenn was a Marine.  This means that he was a total bad-ass who could have probably killed me seven different ways before I knew what was coming.  I thank you John, for not doing that.

In a debate for the Senate Primary in Ohio, his opponent accused him of never holding an actual job and just living off of the military.  Glenn’s reply was to tell him to go to a veterans’ hospital and “look those men with mangled bodies in the eyes and tell them they didn’t hold a job. You go with me to any Gold Star mother and you look her in the eye and tell her that her son did not hold a job.”

Do not fuck with John Glenn!

After serving in the senate for an amount of years that I am not motivated enough to look up, the clean Marine helped found the John Glenn Institute for Public Service and Public Policy… to encourage public service.  Well named, John.  Well named.

Glenn was also a Freemason, which let him pick the President every four years and secretly run the country in general.

Tom Wolfe said that Glenn was “the last true national hero America has ever made.”  …until he watched an OK Go video.  Then he added that “OK, OK Go are the last true national heroes America has ever made.  Holy shitsnacks!  How do they do that shit!?!?”

This hit increases Wes’s lead by a whopping 10 points!  Don’t get too comfy in the lead there,Wes.  I’m about to make my move!

And by “my move” I mean that someone else will likely overcome your lead while I sit and watch.  That’s how I roll, G!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 60 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10)

Josh: 30 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 20 (Alice Drummond – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Jami: 10 – (Fidel Castro – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 10 – (Ralph Branca – 10)

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