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Category Archives: religion

Murderer, terrorist, polygamist, statutory rapist, and true master of the pan flute, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, died at the spry age of 45

al-Baghdadi was the leader of the Sunni Salafi jihadist militant jihadist organisation known as the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL).  

Or is it Just Islamic State (IS)?  Or is it Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) or Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS as well)?  Or is it just, check this one out: Daesh?  (Which I guess would just be “D.”  Or maybe you would call that “Sunni D.”

Man, these guys have some serious branding issues.  Their worse than “#.”
NOTE: Sunni D is not to be confused with Sunny D.  Although both are evil, it is to varying degrees.

A few weeks ago, Russia claimed to kill him.  But who listens to them?  …Oh, yeah.  He does.

Well, the Syrian Observatory has now confirmed that claim.   How astronomers are so up on who lives,  who dies and who tells your story in a war-torn area is a mystery to me.

abu-bakr-al-baghdadi

al-Baghdadi, shown hear singing “My Heart Will Go On” at the Iraqi Oscars.

 

But the organization that is confirming the kill is known as an accurate, reliable source according to The United Nations, newspaper and nongovernmental organisations.  “Generally, the information on the killings of civilians is very good, definitely one of the best,” said Neil Sammonds, a British researcher for Amnesty International.

If Wikipedia is good enough for my Ghoul Pool research, I’m gonna say that this, much more credible source holds water.

The US has not confirmed the death.  But that’s because they are whiney little bitches who are crying into their pillows, saying, “WE’RE supposed to kill him!  That’s what we do!”

Russia: first in space and first to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Al-Baghdadi was arrested by US Forces in 2004 near Fallujah and detained at the Abu Ghraib.

You remember Abu Ghraib, right?  The place where they tortured and humiliated detainees while taking selfies?

Hmm… now I wonder why he hated America?

Now don’t get me wrong here, our awful treatment of Muslims and atrocities in places like Abu Ghraib are not a justification for the murder of hundreds of people.  The guy was definitely an evil asshole.

But why do we work so hard to make ourselves the targets of evil assholes like him?

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes, I was smart enough to pick the one guy that both the US and Russia wanted to kill.

This gives me a humble 60 points which doubles my score!  I’m now just 20 points behind the two rookie leaders!

Can this be it?!?!  Can this be my return to the shores of Ghoul Pool winnings!?!?!?!

Probably not.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 120 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

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Former President of Iran, Hashemi Rafsanjani, escaped the Trump presidency at the spry age of 82 by way of a heart attack.

Hashemi had a close association with Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, the guy who overthrew the shah in 1979.  Or, as Americans know him: Ayatollah Ass-a-hole-ah.  

‘merica: we put the “-assy” in “Classy.”

But the Hash-man (as he was not known to his friends) wasn’t all bad.

For instance, he was credited with suggesting that “Death to America” be dropped from the litany of slogans at Tehran’s Friday prayers.  Heh, was this guy great or what?

In the Iran-Iraq war, he was widely credited with persuading the leadership in Tehran to accept a United Nations resolution that ended the fighting.  What a swell guy!

hashemi

Hashemi never tired pf telling people how big his dick was.

As President he had all those political dissidents and Kurds that he had executed… well, no one is perfect.

Rafsanjani was born into a family of wealthy pistachio framers, a phrase that I never knew existed.

At 4, he left his home village to study theology in the holy city of Qum, where he became a disciple of Ayatollah Khomeini.  I’m not sure if that’s an indoctrination thing or more a Middle-Eastern Doogie-Howser-boy-genius thing.

[OK, according to Wikipedia, he left his village at age 14.  Could the NY Times have a typo?  So, either Trump is right and the NYT is failing and Wikipedia is more reliable, or he left at 4…. So torn between logic and my beliefs…]

But let’s not forget the best thing about Hashemi Rafsanjani: His name.

Hashemi Rafsanjani!  What a fucking astounding name!  It’s the best name this side of Fyvush Finkle!  I want a name my next dog Hashemi Rafsanjani.

I have a feeling that I will be over ruled by my family on that one.  I’d have a better chance naming it Fyvush.

This hit goes to: ME!  I have been picking Hashemi Rafsanjani for years just because I love to say “Hashemi Rafsanjani!”

Now I’m in the At-Least-I-Have-As-Many-Points-As-Bean Club!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 20 – (William Christopher – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

William Christopher, aka Father Francis Mulcahy from M*A*S*H, died at the spry age of 84.

Christopher’s plane … was shot down … over the Sea of Japan. It spun in … there were no survivors.

He and his wife met on a blind date, but they both regained their vision by the time they got married in 1957.

He was a descendant of Paul Revere, you know, they guy who became famous even though he thoroughly failed in his mission and got captured.  Sure, his name sounded good in a poem, so he gets all the credit.

He was known on set of M*A*S*H for being a truly nice guy.  They say that all of the love

christopher

An he could rock the… is tha a fedora?

and care that Father Mulcahy showed was truly how he was.

Alan Alda was a complete dick of course.

Then entire universe tuned in for the 2 ½ hour M*A*S*H series finale in 1983.  So many people watched it, it was rumored that 77% of the toilets in New York City  flushed right after the ending, shutting down the NYC sewer system.

This of course, was not true.  But man, don’t you wish it was?

Now, Christopher could have ended it all right there, with one of the most satisfying series finales in the history of television.

But no: enter AfterM*A*S*H!  The critically lambasted show ended up in 10th place of all network shows that 1st year.  Not bad.  Then they thought that AfterM*A*S*H would be able to take down Mr. T and the A-Team.

I pity the fool who takes on the T.  The show was cancelled eight episodes later.

This hit goes to Pirate!  Morrigan’s Mirror is on the board with 20 points!

Right now, both the Queen and Charles Manson are sick… I may be back soon…

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 30 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 20 – (William Christopher – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Star of “Law & Order,” (insert chung-chung sound here) and the 1st season of “Mission: Impossible,” Steven Hill died at the spry age of 94.

Hill will be most remembered for his role of the stern, seemingly imperturbable district attorney Adam Schiff on “Law & Order,” (insert chung-chung sound here).  But he really kicked ass as Daniel Briggs in the 1st season of “Mission: Impossible.”

But why only the 1st season?  Because he was Jewish.

As one of the few Orthodox Jewish actors working in Hollywood, he made it clear in advance of production that he was not able to work on the Sabbath (i.e., sundown Friday to dusk Saturday), and that he would leave the set every Friday before sundown.

The producers were all: “Yeah, sure, guy, that sounds great…”  Then, when Sundown

Steven Hill

“I’m gonna make it to that goddamned Seder if it kills my career!”

neared on Fridays and he left the studio (sometimes while still filming) the producers were suddenly like: “Oh, wait.  You were serious about that shit?  ‘Cuz that shit ain’t gonna fly.”

This became quite a sticking point with the producers.  They tried to use him less and less as episodes went on.  Normally, the show starts with the IMF team leader getting a mission (should he choose to accept it), doing the mission (because he always accepted it) and then kicking back with a scotch and soda at the nearest go-go bar.

Towards the end of the season, Hill would just get the mission and IMF his team would do the mission without him.  There were even a few episodes where he didn’t even do that much.

They couldn’t fire him because two years earlier that whole “Civil Rights Act” had been passed and equal employment meant that you couldn’t fire someone because of their religion.

Not to mention that doing so is totally a dick move.

Towards the end of filming, Hill was told to to climb the rafters via a soundstage staircase as was called for in the script and he refused.  This was likely a safety thing and not a Jewish thing.

But the producers were all: YES!  We can fire his ass now!

After that, Hill was blackballed and couldn’t get any work for the next ten years.  

In 1983, he made his big comeback in “Yentl.”  How embarrassing for him.

This hit goes to: Mary!  Another ten point brings her to 50 below the leader!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 40 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20)

Emmy winning actor and bearer of one of the greatest monikers ever, Fyvush Finkel, died at the spry age of 93.

In 1992, he was born Phillip Finkel.  I know, right?  Who changes their name from Phillip to something like Fyvush?  

Fyvush-Fucking-Finkle did!  Come on!  How awesome is that name?  It’s so fun to say!  Go on, say it.  I’ll wait.

Fyvush

Oh yeah, that guy…

I mean, who the hell would ever remember some schlep like Phil Finkle?  But a mensch like Fyvush Finkel: he da man!  Da Semitic man!

Yes, Fyvush Finkel was Jewish.  But that’s kind of an understatement.  Even Mel Brooks and Woody Allen kept telling Fyvush “Enough with the New York Jew thing, we get it already.”  But when a man acts in the Yiddish theater for 35 years, he’s gonna be as damned Jewish has he wants to be.  Hell, he’ll even change his name to Fyvush!

Even as he became more famous over the years, he still returned to Yiddish Theater because he said it was an atmosphere that you didn’t get anywhere else.

Once, while he was performing, a man in the front row fell asleep.  Fyvush stopped and asked the man’s wife to wake him up to which she replied: “You wake him up.  You’re the one who put him to sleep.”

Apparently, shit like that don’t fly during “Wicked.”

In his time, he took on such roles as Shomier, Shlomo, Saul, Sol, Abe, Moishe and Moshe.

Besides his name, Finkel will be remembered for his roles in the TV show “Boston Public” and “Picket Fences.”  I never saw “Boston Public” and, frankly, I’m too lazy to find out more about his character from the show.  But I loved him in “Picket Fences.”  I wonder if that show holds up…

This hit goes to: Mary!  She breaks her tie w/ Pirate and is now a mere 60 points behind the leader!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 110 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 40 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20)

Nathaniel: 30 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20)

Holocaust survivor and author Elie Wiesel died at the spry age of 87.

After surviving the German summer camp from hell (no, really this time), Weisel went on to write about his experiences.  His book Night is widely considered the seminal work in revealing the true pain and anguish brought upon by the horrific events that are so often compared to things like a healthcare bill.

During the first night in Auschwitz, he and his father watched a lorry (that’s European for “truck”) deliver its load of children into a fire.  

I was pissed last weekend when my Kindle Fire wouldn’t connect to Netflix and I couldn’t watch Archer episodes in bed.

“Never shall I forget that night, the first night in camp, which has turned my life into one long night… Never shall I forget that smoke. Never shall I forget the little faces of the children, whose bodies I saw turned into wreaths of smoke beneath a silent blue sky.”

Wiesel

Wiesel is in the second row, 7th from the left.  Yeah, He’s earned this lack of funny caption.

 

Yeah… my basement flooded this year.  It was pretty stressful.

The book goes on to explain a death march from the cmap to flee the oncoming Soviets.  Germans were ordered to shoot any prisoners who could not keep up.  The inmates spent two days and nights locked inside cramped barracks without food, water or heat, sleeping on top of one another, so that each morning the living wake with the dead underneath them.

Now, I know that I have been guilty of comparing modern politicians to Nazis and Hitler.  That shit’s gotta stop.  There is nothing in our sweet, cushy, American lives that can compare to this.

Does bad shit happen in the US?  Hell yes!  Is it ever comparable to the nazis?  ..well, maybe when we held Japanese Americans in internment camps…  even that wasn’t this bad.

But I think that before we call racist assholes like Trump a Nazi, we should take a second to read this book.

Bush was not a Nazi.  Obama is not a Nazi.  Neither compare to Hitler in any way.  Unless someone is planning on systematically murdering millions of people in the cruelest fashion known to man, we should reign ourselves in a bit.  Man, we can be dicks sometimes.

Wiesel won the nobel peace prize in 1986 and is honored around the world by just about everyone on the planet (except for jack-asses like Max Blumenthal), which is why this update is not a real laugh-riot.

You cannot make Elie Wiesel funny without being a complete douche.  And I’m only mostly douche.

This hit goes to me!  I’m up to 120 now, a mere 50 points from the leader!  Come on, Susan Smith!  Kill yourself already!  I won’t mind making fun of you at all you kid-killing bitch!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 120- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 80 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 40 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20)

Nathaniel: 10 (Alan Young – 10)

“Today -day -ay, I consider myself -self -elf the deadest man -man -an on the face of the earth -earth -th.”   – Umberto Eco

Italian author -thor -or Umberto Eco -eco -co died at the spry age of 84 -four -or.

Don’t worry, I won’t be doing that echo shit for the whole post.

Umberto’s father urged him to become a lawyer, but he entered the University of Turin to shroud himself in medieval philosophy and literature.

Eco became a scholar of semiotics.  Think Tom Hanks’s character in Dan Brown’s novels.

Eco wrote novels about solving mysteries via uncovering the mysteries of ancient and medieval symbols.  But he did it much differently than Dan Brown.  He did it all smarty-pants style.

His first novel, The Name of the Rose, contained entire chapters devoted to discussions of Christian theology and heresies.  Yet it was a huge bestseller made into a movie starring Sean Connery and Christian Slater.  [No, I didn’t see it either.  No one did.]

What Dan Brown did was echo Eco’s style and dumb it down, giving us very readable books

Lost_Eko

Eco was also a complete bad-ass.

with little substance.  [And with every chapter ending with someone seeing something that changed everything… but we won’t reveal what has been seen for two or three more chapters because that’s how Danny Boy creates suspense.]

Foucault’s Pendulum has been called “the thinking man’s Da Vinci Code“.  Which is doubly funny because Dan Brown is one of the characters in the novel.  Eco made a “grotesque representation” of him.  I’d love to give an example… but I would have to read the book.

Eco only read The Da Vinci Code because everyone kept asking him about it.  He said that it was full of “silly, sub-Christian superstitions.”  

So, to be clear: Eco.  NOT a Dan Brown fan.

Mr. Eco was brutally murdered by a smoke monster on a mysterious time-traveling island.  He is survived by a plane full of heroin.

This hit puts Jami in a tie for the lead with Pirate!  She also breaks the triple digit mark!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, still continues to live.  

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 80- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 60 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Mortician’s Daughter: 30 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Harmony: 20 (Harper Lee – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Singer, songwriter, dancer actress, model, born-again Christian and smurf, Vanity, died at the spry age of 57.

Created by Peyo, Vanity always carried a mirror around because she was obsessed with her looks.  Her name was a little on the nose.

In the 80s Vanity started smurfing with Prince… which always leads to smurfing down a rabbit hole.

Price smurfed her up as part of a trio called Vanity 6.  The six referring to the amount of breasts in the group.  The Ghoul Pool Administrator has been scouring the internet to bring you images of these breasts.  I haven’t found those precise breasts… but I shall keep looking.  That’s how dedicated I am!

The blue beauty went on to smurf in such classic movies as “Terror Train,” “Never Too Young to Die,” and “52 Card Pick-up.”  That last movie is about throwing a deck of cards on the floor… and picking them up.

While evading Gargamel, Vanity smurfed crack cocaine, smurfed rock stars like Adam Ant and Billy Idol (who smurfed his look from Spike) and sold her nude pictures of Smurfette to any takers.

This last action smurfed the divide between Vanity and Smurfette.  Smurfette famously lost it on an episode of Springer: “That Smurfer-smurfing smurf in the smurf can smurf

Vanity

Screw you, Prince!  I’m keeping your gloves!

my smurf, the smurfing smurf!”  (Springer bleeped most of it out… but you can tell what they’re saying.)

One night in 1944, Vanity over-smurfed on some extra smurfy crack.  It was that night that she smurfed Christ.

Vanity became a smurfed-again Christian and went around smurfing her evangelical message.  In other words: she became smurfing insmurfable.

Apparently, last night, Azreal snuck into her hospital room and finally got a taste of sweet, sweet Smurf blood.

He didn’t care for it.

Officially, she died from “sclerosing encapsulating peritonitis.”  But we all know that’s just fancy medical mumbo-jumbo that means that she was killed by a cat with a hole in his ear, then boiled into a stew prepared for a feast at chez-Gargamel.  

This hit goes to: Occupy the Casket!  Yes, Pirate smurfed Vanity, for a smurfy 50 points!  And this means that the inevitability of me losing my lead has come to pass.  

Congrats to Pirate on the lead!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, still continues to live.  

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 90 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 80- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10)

Jami: 80 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Mortician’s Daughter: 30 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Neocon, fascist and Supreme Court Justice, Antonin Scalia died in his sleep at the spry age of 79 while on a quail hunting trip at the Cibolo Creek Ranch in Shafter, Texas.

Scalia was born in Trenton New Jersey because of course he’s from Jersey.

Scalia has been instrumental in many decisions that were seemingly designed to bring this country down from the inside.

Some may recall the 2000 election where the Presidency was handed to the man who lost the election.  The Supreme Court decision that said “Our consideration is limited to the present circumstances”.  In other words: “We’re gonna do this this once, but it’s not the law of the land or anything.”  Which is the exact opposite of what the Supreme Court does!

Justice Clarence Thomas was in total agreement with Scalia on this one.

Scalia

I liked him better as Mr. C on “Happy Days.”

In Citizens United, he justified treating corporations as people by opining that “Modern corporations… would probably have been favored by most of our enterprising Founders.”  So, forget what the constitution says because some of our forefathers probably might have thought this.  Yeah, that’s some goooood jurisprudence.

Justice Clarence Thomas totally agreed, by the way.

In his decision for Hobby Lobby he said “Well, religious beliefs aren’t reasonable. …God be reasonable? He’s supposed to have a full beard.”  Yes, a Supreme Court Justice who referred to God’s beard to support his argument.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: America.

Justice Clarence Thomas totally agreed, by the way.

The office of Clarence Thomas released a mysterious statement to the press that just said “** paste Scalia’s statement here **”.  

When contacted for clarification, his office stated that Justice Thomas had “died in his sleep at the spry age of 79 while on a quail hunting trip at the Cibolo Creek Ranch in Shafter, Texas.”

It’s a big question as to who will replace Scalia… but even bigger is who will fill the void left in Clarence Thomas’ heart?  Who will he blindly agree with now?  He’s a ship without a rudder.  

Wouldn’t it be great if he grabbed onto the coattails (or in this case, flowing robes) of Sonia Sotomayor?  Suddenly his opinions would be more liberal, plus with a sassy, hispanic tinge to them.

But I think that things are still awkward between those two since last year’s Christmas party when he put a pubic hair on her Coke can.

This hit goes to: Mortician’s Daughter!  She gets on the board with a strong 30 points!  Although, the Supreme Court might strip her of her points… you know, just this one time…

Until then, congrats to Cindy!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, still continues to live.  

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 80- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10)

Jami: 80 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 40 – (Natalie Cole – 40)

Mortician’s Daughter: 30 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Cardinal Ján Chryzostom Korec died at the spry age of 91.

His last recorded words were “Marcia, Marcia Marcia!”

Korec was a Priest in Slovakia who, for 39 years, ran an underground church because it was forbidden by the communist government.

In other words: he was one bad-ass cleric!

In 1951, he was secretly consecrated Bishop in a ceremony that I am assuming was made up of a bunch of priests in trench-coats and sunglasses darting their eyes in every direction under the cover of night in a dark alley.  

For six years, he was imprisoned with some of the country’s worst criminals.  “Serial Killers always make the best choirs,” Ján often noted.  “I’d kill to get a bunch of serial killers in church every Sunday.”

"Tell me again how you want Jesus to improve your wi-fi signal you spoiled-ass 1st-world pussy."

“Tell me again how you want Jesus to improve your wi-fi signal you spoiled-ass 1st-world pussy.”

While running his underground church, he also assumed day jobs, like factory worker and street sweeper.  He had to do this because he was under constant surveillance.  He had to pull off some serious James Bond kinda shit just to get Christian books printed and distributed, all in secret.  

The government tried to kill him twice!  Total bad-ass!  I can’t even muster a single attempt…. maybe if I wrote more Don Ho insults, I can get Carol to take a shot at me…

Hell, when he was 88, he had a busted appendix.  But did he let that stop him?  HELL NO!  Much to everyone’s surprise, he survived and then went back to work!  I can tell you right now: at 88, I ain’t doin’ that.  If I survived a busted appendix (and that’s a pretty big “if”), I sure as hell would go back to work.

But this bad-ass of Popery was brought down by the Cardinal Killer: Imaginary Steve!  This puts I-Steve in a tie with Bean and 50 points behind the leader.  

If he wants to pull off a win in the next four days, he better start invading some vestibules real soon.

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

The Girl on Fire: 180 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20, Anne Meara – 20, Denise McCluggage – 20, Bobbi Christina Brown – 80, Frank Gifford – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 160 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90, Maureen O’Hara – 10)

Jami: 140 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50, Dick Van Patten – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 130 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10, Giacomo Biffi “the Vampire Slayer” – 20, William W. Baum – 20, László Paskai – 20, Cardinal Ján Chryzostom Korec – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus: 130 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20, Louise Suggs – 10)

Gianna: 110 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70, Vincent Bugliosi – 10, Dean Jones – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Marion Barry – 30, Omar Sharif – 20, Dave Benton – 50)

Nikki: 90 – (Stuart Scott – 60, BB King – 20, Yogi Berra – 10)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 70 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20, Alex Rocco – 30, Milton Delugg – 10)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

Mostly Mike: 40 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10, Dickie Moore – 20)

Anne: 30 – (oops, I forgot who Anne had – 30)

Nathaniel: – 10 – (Christopher Lee – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)