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Right now, in the afterlife, Chuck Barris is meeting Chuck Berry.  Oh, if only David Letterman could have introduced them.  “Chuck Barris, Chuck Berry.  Chuck Berry, Chuck Barris.”

Crappy TV show creator, songwriter, novelist and possible CIA assassin, Chuck Barris, died at the spry age of 87.

Barris’ first game show was “The Dating Game” (precursor to the far superior “Love Connection”).

The show was a woman on one side of a wall asking questions to three men on the other side and her picking a date without seeing them.  There were always double entendres and dirty jokes and everyone hoped that she would pick the uggo just to see her expression when he was revealed at the end.

He next show was The Newlywed Game where three sets of Newlyweds were quizzed on how well they knew each other.  There were always double entendres and dirty jokes and someone would win a washer and dryer at the end.

Then there was “The Gong Show.”  Possible the worst TV show this side of Molly Dodd.

The show was basically the early episodes of an “American Idol” season.  You know, where

chuckbarris

Yeah, this guy was a national treasure.

you watch to see how awful people are.

Barris hosted the show because the planned host was treating the show as a talent show and not as a parody of one.

A bad act would perform and it was truly awful, someone like Jamie Farr would bang a giant gong to end it all.

They developed running characters in the show.  Like The Unknown Comedian who was a stand-up who told intentionally corny jokes while wearing a paper bag over his head.  And Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, the show’s prop master who would dance to “Jumpin’ at the Woodside” while people off stage threw random props at him.

But mostly, the show was just crap.

Baris wrote an autobiography called Confessions of a Dangerous Mind which was made into a George Clooney movie in 2002.

In the book, Barris claimed that he worked for the CIA as an assassin in the 1960s and the 1970s.

A CIA spokesman at the time said “It sounds like he has been standing too close to the gong all those years.”

Plus, they were too busy bugging the phones of Presidential candidates (as they are known to do).

This hit goes to: Josh!  Josh takes the lead with 120 points!  With seven months left, can he hold onto his lead?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Former car thief, armed robber beautician and undisputable rock and roll legend, Chuck Berry died at the spry age of 90.

In his brash youth, Berry spent three years in reform school after a spree of car thefts and armed robbery.

When he was 18, he robbed three shops and then had to steal a getaway car.  Berry’s account in his autobiography is that his car broke down and he flagged down a passing car and stole it at gunpoint with a nonfunctional pistol.

Now, I do not endorse crime or violence on any level.  But how bad-ass was he!?!?  Damn!  Four major crimes in one day at the spry age of 18!

He straightened himself out and received a degree in hairdressing and cosmetology and worked for a time as a beautician.

OK, a little less bad-ass.

By the early 1950s, he was playing guitar and singing blues, pop standards and suffering through an occasional country tune with local combos.

berry

If it walks like a duck….

On Saturday, November 12th, 1955, Chuck’s life would change forever when he received that fateful call from his cousin: Marvin.

Marvin and his band, The Starlighters, were playing an “Enchantment Under the Sea” high school dance in Hill Valley, California.  A fill-in guitar player with early onset Parkinson’s started playing a sound that no one had heard before.  Marvin called Chuck and rock’n’roll history was born.

You could say that Chuck Berry’s influence on music was “Hyuge,” or “Tremendous.”  But you would sound like an orange idiot.

Truth is, his influence is immeasurable.  John Lennon would sneak a radio into his room so that he could pick up Chuck Berry being played from a German radio station without his Aunt Mimi finding out.

Every single rock and roll act for the next decade had been directly influenced by Berry.

Berry rocked so much harder than Coldplay could even imagine.  And don’t get me started on how much better he was than Nickelback.  Because, truthfully, aren’t we all better than Nickelback?

Johnny B. Goode,” “Maybellene,” “Roll Over Beethoven,” “Rock and Roll Music,” “Sweet Little Sixteen.”  If you do not know these songs, you need to click these links and listen to them.

Unfortunately, Chuck Berry eventually turned to television and created such crap as “The Gong Show” and “The Newlywed Game.”

This hit goes to: Mary!  Mary gets on the board with a strong 10 points: this is where she makes her move!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

…to DIE!

Judge Joseph A. Wapner, “The People’s Judge,” definitely died at the spry age of 93.

He definitely  died a full 5,431 days after his faithful bailiff, Rusty.  Wapner definitely never loved Rusty.  Yeah, definitely.

Wapner definitely presided over the syndicated “The People’s Court” (as opposed to the US courts which are clearly there for corporations and definitely not people) from 1981-1993.

Wapner proved himself to be a firm, reassuring paragon of fairness and efficacy in the application of the law.  And no, I did not write that sentence.  

In high school, Wapner definitely dated Lana Turner.

Wait-  WHAT!?!??!  He dated Lana Turner!?!?  

wapner

Boy, if drinking it is a sentence, it’s gotta be good!

The guys in law school probably thought Wapner was full of shit.  “Yeah, suuuuure you dated Lana Turner… and you were probably bangin’ Joan Fontaine on the side.”

Thanks to the success of Wapner and the people’s court, we now have sayings like, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

Man, we’ve definitely gone down hill.

Wapner was one of the most trusted people in America.  He parlayed this into selling root beer.

I know, right?

This hit goes to: Joanne!  It’s been a rough year for Joanne so far.  This is her 1st hit!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, Devid Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Wonder Woman fanatic, Moulton “Pete” Marston, died at the spry age of 87.

Marston amassed a collection of Wonder Woman memorabilia that he turned into the Wonder Woman museum.

All in all, he collected over 4,000 Wonder Woman products.

I know what you’re thinking: well, that’s because he’s gay.  (Gaycist.)

No, he was the son of Wonder Woman creator William Moulton Marston.

I know what you’re thinking: why the hell would anyone want to pass the name Moulton

moulton

I guess collecting thousands of Woman toys doesn’t command the same respect as it used to.

down to their son?

And you’re right.  It’s outright abuse!  What a terrible name!  It sounds like he recently shed all of his feathers to grow in a new coat.

No wonder he went by “Pete.”

According to his daughter, Pete had always had a handful of Wonder Woman items.  But “In 1999, Dad discovered eBay.”

Yeah, I think we all feel that.

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  Yes, Pirate, who lives in the same town as Pete [well, not any more… I mean, Pete doesn’t live anywhere now.  He just rots in Bethel.] gets another 20 points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, Devid Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Doc Hayward from “Twin Peaks,” Warren Frost died at the spry age of 91.

He was found naked and wrapped in plastic along the river in his small, Northern town.  

The FBI found that a small typed letter “R” was shoved under his fingernail.  While we are not sure what this means, I’m sure all will be explained fairly soon.

You know… eventually.

The FBI sent a special agent in to investigate the death.  After filling up on a damn fine cup of coffee the FBI man is expected to spend the next two years analysing the minute details of the town, answering next to zero questions, before becoming possessed by a killer himself.

Not the best ending in the world.  But that’s how the FBI works.

Frost served in the Navy at Normandy.  No word on whether he stormed the beach himself

warren

Frost in a photo that seems oddly prophetic. 

or stayed behind on the boat.  But it doesn’t matter.  You know why:  Frost served in the fucking Navy at fucking Normandy.  Respect, bitch!

Frost was also in a few episodes of Seinfeld.  He was the father of George’s fiancee Susan Ross.  (Dear God, what an awful storyline that was.)

His character had an affair with the author John Cheever; his house was burned down by Kramer’s Cuban cigar; and his daughter was poisoned to death from licking glue from cheap wedding-invitation envelopes.

He was in five episodes.

This hit goes to: Jami!  Jami is now tied for 1st with newbie Josh!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, Devid Penrose Buckson – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Former Governor of the great state of Delaware, David Penrose Buckson, died at the spry age of 96.

This guy seems sooooo boring. Almost as boring as the state of Delaware.

He was born in Delaware.  He grew up in Delaware.  He went to school at the University of Delaware.  He became the Attorney General of Delaware.  He became Lieutenant Governor of Delaware.  Then he became the Governor of Delaware.

Jesus, go to fuckin’ Maryland every now and then!

Delaware is known for little more than being boring as fuck.  

It is also known as a haven for credit card companies.  Companies like Bank of America, Chase, Barclays, and ING Direct all call Wilmington their home.  The reason for this is that in the 80’s, Delaware passed laws that let them charge as much interest as they wanted to.

david_buckson

He even looks like a Penrose.

So, if you’re having trouble getting out of credit card debt, you can thank then Governor Pierre DuPont.  …And you shitty spending habits.

Which brings us to another industry they are known for: Chemicals.  DuPont is also centered in Wilmington.  How evil is Dupont?  The sponsored NASCAR’s Jeff Gordon for 21 years.

Evil!

So: bottom line: Delaware sucks.  It doesn’t Texas-suck.  But half the state is trying to get you in debt, the other half is actively destroying the environment (and sponsored Jeff Gordon).

And I guess someone’s gotta run the joint.  Might as well be a guy with “Penrose” as a middle name.

This hit goes to: Wes!  He’s now tied for 2nd place and just 10 points behind the leader.

Three months in and only nine of the 16 lists have had hits.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, Devid Penrose Buckson – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

If you are wondering who’s going to make the wands now, the answer is: no one.  

Actor Sir John Hurt escaped Brexit last week at the spry age of 77.

Like many actors, Hurt got his start in the theatre.  In 1962, he appeared in “Infanticide in the House of Fred Ginger,” a controversial work that ended with the gratuitous killing of a child.  It was the feel-good play of the year.  It was much better than “Cats.”  People went to see it again and again.

Hurt came into prominence in the 1966 film “A Man for All Seasons,” about a guy who’s really into the weather.

In 1976, he played the even-keeled, level-headed and strictly moralist Caligula in the mini-series, “I, Claudius.”  

In the show, Caligula becomes emperor and starts throwing out ridiculous edicts and eventually declaring himself to be a god.  Nothing like you would ever get in America.

One role (of many) that he will always be remembered for is that of alien fodder in 1979’s

john-hurt

Say… wait a minute here.  He doesn’t look like an elephant!  Elephants don’t go to the opera!  And where’s his trunk?

“Alien.”  He was the one who (*spoiler*) had a baby alien spring out of his chest.

He reprised the role in “Spaceballs.”

In 1980, he played the role of John Merrick in “The Elephant Man,” about a guy who looked like an elephant.  (As of now, there is no word on whether the estate of Michael Jackson plans to purchase Mr. Hurt’s skeleton.)

Hurt played wand-maker Mr. Ollivander in the first and last Harry Potter movies.  A role that, while prominent in the overall plat, does not seem to require a first name.

He also appeared on a Doctor Who Special where he played the first?… the twelfth?… well, he played The Doctor in any case.

This hit goes to M!  This is her first ever Ghoul Pool hit!  She had been getting mad at the people on her list for not dying.  Maybe now she can cool her jets.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Death Row inmate Terry Edwards was executed in the “great” state of (you guessed it) Texas at the spry age of 43.  Edwards was convicted of robbing a Subway with his cousin, who may have been the one to pull the trigger.

It is unclear if Edwards was a murderer or a victim of institutional racism.  And, while a shadow of doubt existed… this is Texas.

Texas has executed more people since 1976 than the next six states combined.  The death penalty is considered by many to be a deterrent from crime.  

In Texas, it is considered more of a hobby.

That’s why there’s no crime in Texas.  Because their killings scare people straight.  See,

jared-fogle

“Come to Subway.  Bring the kids!”  [You’re supposed to unwrap it before you eat it, douchebag.]

Texas is a shangrila compared to the rest of the nation.  I bet you couldn’t name one murder victim in the whole state!  Se, you couldn’t.  I’m clearly right.

Actually, Texas is right smack dab in the middle of crime rates when compared to the rest of the nation (22nd worst murder rate).  

The truth is: Texas just sucks.  On the list of places to never step foot, Texas is right there next to hell and a Nickelback concert.

Texas is the country music of the nation.  It is the Lars Von Trier movie of the nation.   The liver and onions of an otherwise delectable meal.  The Michael Bay.  The Youtube commenter.  The stepping on a lego in the middle of the night.  The burnt roof of your mouth from hot pizza.  Texas is the state that steals your lunch out of the fridge at work.  It is the Donald Trump of the nation.  [Everythings bigly in Texas.]

Edwards’ attorneys cast doubt on the fairness of the jury selection, saying that prosecutors “removed all eligible African Americans from the jury pool of 3,000 citizens and seated an all-white jury to decide the fate of an African American man charged with murdering two white people.”  

Now, there’s no way that’s coincidence.  I mean, here in Vermont, yes, that is probably a statistical reality.  But Texas has a 30% minority population.

They found a strike list that next to the names of 32 of the questioned potential jurors has a handwritten, encircled “B.”  That could stand for “black.”  Because they don’t worry about buoyancy.  

Now, there is precedent from a case of a black man convicted of killing a white woman in Georgia being unconstitutional because of the way black jurors were excluded. In that case, prosecutors marked the names of black jurors with a “B” on lists.

This the “Institutional” part of “Institutional Racism,” boys and girls.

There was no clear gunshot residue from the murder weapon on his hands.  No blood from either victim on his body or clothes.  Now, the guy went in a robbed a Subway, so not exactly a stand-up citizen.  But should you die for stealing money from the people who made Jared Fogel rich?

See, this is how our government works.  We mark the race of jurors to make sure that no darkies get a say when prosecuting one of their own.  Instead of getting to the truth, we’re happy to get alternative facts.

Edwards may have been guilty as hell.  The real problem is that we killed him without actually knowing if he was guilty as hell or not.

Edwards’ last words were “Yes, I made peace with God. I hope y’all make peace with this.”

Unfortunately, they already have.

This hit puts Josh on top with 100 points!  A rookie with triple digits 12 weeks in!  That’s pretty impressive!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Brilliant actress and comedian, Mary Tyler Moore became no more today at the spry age of 80.

Moore was more than just a pretty, beret-throwin’ set of gams.  She was a feminst icon who could turn the motehrfuckin’ world on with her motherfuckin’ smile!  She could take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile, goddamnit!

From 1961 through 1966, she played Laura Petrie on the classic “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”  [This show is available to stream on Netflix.  I recommend that you do so.]

Housewives had previously been shown in the the Donna Reed style of overly dressy skirts and frou-frou heels mold of a sitcom housewife.  ‘Cuz, you know, reality.

Instead, Tyler Moore’s character, Laura shattered that view by opting to wear capri pants—a revolutionary choice that sparked plenty of studio and sponsor hand-wringing.

“I had Laura wear pants, because I said, ‘Women don’t wear full-skirted dresses to vacuum in,’ she said.  “CBS said, ‘You know, we’re afraid that housewives are going to be a little annoyed because she looks so good in pants.’ [Which she did]  So they made me wear pants in no more than one scene.”

After three episodes, she said, funk that  and just wore the pants anyway.  Later she said “We got the absolution of men everywhere and women kind of breathed a sigh of relief, too, and said, ‘Hey, that’s right. That’s what we wear.’”

Personally, I like to wear a big frou-frou dress and heels when I’m vacuuming.  But that’s

moore

You’re damn right she looked so good in them pants!

me.  And J. Edgar Hoover.  [Topical.]

In 1970, she started her own production company with then hubby Grant Tinker: MTM (*meow*).  Guess what it stood for…

MTM’s (*meow*) 1st show was, believe it or not, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”  Holy crap was this show great.  But it also broke barriers for women, while being hilarious.

The show centered around a single, career-minded woman living on her own.  

Now, at the time the CBS network researchers warned that there were four things viewers would never accept in their living rooms: New Yorkers, Jews, divorced women, and men with mustaches.  Well… two outta four ain’t bad.

The New Yorker character Rhoda was Jewish — as was Lou, the show sometimes implied.  They dumped the divorcee angle because preview audiences couldn’t believe that she would divorce a guy as nice as Dick Van Dyke.  People are dumb.

Similarly novel were hints that Mary was sexually active.  This seems like nothing today, but it was a huge deal back in the 70s.  So, Lena Dunham better get on her skanky knees and thank Mary Tyler Moore for creating the ability for her to produce her own drivel on HBO.

Basically, she became the incarnation of the modern woman.  

The show was part of CBS’s winning Saturday-night lineup, which also included “M*A*S*H*,” “All in the Family” and “The Carol Burnett Show.”  What?  On Saturday night?!?!  Don’t they usually reserve Saturday night for crap fests like “Full House,” or “Family Matters?”

You cannot talk about “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” without mentioning Chuckles the Clown.

Known as the best sitcom episode – ever.  A children’s TV show host, Chuckles the Clown, is killed. He was dressed as Peter Peanut in a circus parade and an elephant tried to eat him.  [Don’t worry, they don’t show it.  This isn’t “Game of Thrones.”]

Throughout the episode, everyone is making jokes about his death, much to the behest of Mary, who finds such humor inappropriate.  Until the funeral, when Mary loses it.

During rehearsals, Tyler Moore was supposed to remain grim and mournful while everyone joked about his unusual demise, but she continually cracked up whenever Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo was mentioned. She recalled that the insides of her cheeks were almost raw from biting them so hard to keep from laughing during the actual taping of the episode.

MTM (*meow*) went on to do a slate of other, little known shows: “The Bob Newhart Show,” “Newhart,” “WKRP in Cincinnati,” “Hill Street Blues” “St. Elsewhere,” “Remington Steele” and “Rescue 911.”

Now, this woman didn’t live the cushy life of the elite.  Her parents were alcoholics.  Her sister died of alcohol and drug OD.  Her brother died of cancer.  And her ONLY SON died in a gun accident.  And through all that, this fucking saint made us laugh!  Personally, I’d be at the bottom of a bottle after all that crap.

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  Pirate doubles her score to 40 points!

There is a planned execution tonight, so we might have a new leader soon.  Unless the Supreme Court comes through.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Former professional wrestler Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka escaped the Trump presidency last week at the spry age of 73.

Snuka is best known for his time with the WWF (now the “WWE”… stupid fuckin’ pandas) where he introduced the “high-flying” style of wrestling.

The bastard child of Louisa Smith and Charles Thomas, Snuka was born in Figi.  Looking for a Fiji joke… looking… looooooking… aaaand I got nothin’.

Snuka’s 1st match was in 1970, against a foe whoes very name was synonymous with pain

snuka

Snuka during his Milli Vanilli audition.

and fear: Maxwell “Bunny” Butler.  Because there’s nothing more threatening than a bunny.  Well… maybe a butler.  That’s worse than calling your team The Orioles.  

In 1982, Snuka entered the WWF as a heel under the guidance of Captain Lou Albano (and,one assumes, Cyndi Lauper). Snuka lost several title shots against WWF Champion Bob Backlund (“Get you DICTIONARIES!”)  [OK, I know I’m the only one who gets that reference, but it’s just that damn funny.]

Snuka was arrested in 2015 on third-degree murder charges, of his girlfriend, Nancy Argentino, who died in 1983.  Snuka was ultimately found unfit to stand trial due to his dementia.  The charges were dismissed and Snuka died twelve days later.

It’s the old Guy-meets-girl-and-kills-her-and-is-charged-for-it-32-years-later-and-gets-off-because-his-mind-is-mush-then-he-dies-in-less-than-a-fortnight story that we’ve seen a thousand times over.  Really, he lived a cliched life.

The incident happened after a WWF TV taping in Allentown, Pennsylvania, Snuka placed a call for an ambulance from the George Washington Motor Lodge.

Talk about living the glamourous life of a professional wrestler!  You get to stay at the George-friggin’-Washington Motor Lodge!

This bastion of comfort and luxury is now a Home Depot.

This hit puts Team Sushi on the board with 30 points!  They now have ⅓ of the leader’s score!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 20 – (William Christopher – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)