Skip navigation

Ain’t that a shame?  Overweight Rock-n-Roll pioneer, Fats Domino, found his grave (it was on Blueberry Hill) at the spry age of 89.

Fats got his nickname from the fact that he was fat.  If he were a man of less girth, he might have gone by a nickname like “Slim.”  Alas, his gastronomic rapacity knew no satiety.

You see, when you eat too much, many of the calories that you consume are turned into fat cells.  It was the large collection of these cells that earned Antoine Domino the name “fats.”

I hope this is clear by now.

Domino’s effect on Rock-n-Roll really cannot be measured.  With hits like “Blueberry Hill,” “I’m Walkin’” and “Ain’t That a Shame,” Fats was one of the biggest acts in the 50’s, second only to Elvis.  You might say that he was one of the biggest mid-century modern musicians.  

He was one of the first R&B (in the 50s, that loosely translates to “black music”) acts that

FatsDomino

That’s a haircut that I could… use as a side table.

appealed to a white audience.  Some even say that this was a factor in the breakdown of racial segregation in America.

He was an huge influence on acts like Elvis Presley, The Beatles, and… frankly after that, does anything else matter?

Even after his success, Fats preferred to live where he came from, the 9th Parish in New Orleans.  He was the original “Fats From the Block.”

When Hurricane Katrina hit, he was rumored to not have survived.  Someone even spray painted “RIP Fats” on his house.  As if there wasn’t enough damage done.

As Bush and FEMA did jack shit to rebuild New Orleans, Fats hightailed it to the suburbs.

Domino had eight children: Antoine, Anatole, Andre, Antonio, Antoinette, Andrea, Anola, and Adonica.  Yeah.  he was one of those people.

This hot goes to: M!  Now she has to find someone else to draft in FOUR DAYS!

Erin, lamentably, remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 200 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50, Charles Bradly – 40, Gord Downie – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 110 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50, Roy Dotrice – 10)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 80 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

M: 60 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10, Fats Domino – 20)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

Mary: 30 – (Chuck Berry – 10, Robert Guillaume – 20)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Advertisements

Actor and Benson, Robert Guillaume died at the spry age of 89.

For nine years, Guillaume played the character of Benson DuBois (pronounced all French-like) who started out as a smart-alec butler and ended up being Lieutenant Governor of an unnamed state.  I mean, the meteoric rise in state government from butler to Lt. Gov. seemed believable at the time…

Benson (which translates to “Son of Ben”) started in the classic soap opera spoof sitcom, “Soap.”  This was a show that featured Billy Crystal as the 1st openly gay TV character, Jay Johnson as a man who believes that his ventriloquist dummy is alive, a WWII vet who thinks he’s still fighting the war, A guy who was abducted by aliens, his son who is tangled up with the mob, but most outrageously there was a black butler who eventually became the Lieutenant Governor of the state.

Soap took place in Connecticut, but when he went to work for his boss’ cousin, the Governor, the actual state that he worked in was never revealed.

But Guillaume played more than a black man with an impossible career path.  In the 1985 mini series “North & South” (that’s the Patrick Swayze/Kirstie Alley American series, not the English quality series) as abolitionist-who-is-apparently-very-much-still-alive-according-to-our-president Frederick Douglas.

He also starred in “The Robert Guillaume” Show in 1989, which only lasted one season.

Guillaume

Guillaume, shown here with two has-beens trying to drag him down.

 Well… 13 episodes.  Honestly the producers were just so happy to have a guy in the show with the same name as the show.  It made the whole concept make so much more sense.  

Guillaume was also featured in the great, cancelled-too-soon Aaron Sorkin show “Sports Night,” where he played the patriarchal Executive Producer Isaac Jaffe where he made it clear that “no rich young white guy has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks.”  You tell ‘em, Benson!

Sports Night was proof that you shouldn’t add a laugh track to let people know where the jokes were.

Guillaume won two Emmys and a Grammy for, oh, lets say his album of banjo favorites.  So, he had an EG.

This hit goes to: Mary!  With 30 points, she now has thirty points more than her daughter!

Draft night is a mere 6 days away!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 200 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50, Charles Bradly – 40, Gord Downie – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 110 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50, Roy Dotrice – 10)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 80 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

Mary: 30 – (Chuck Berry – 10, Robert Guillaume – 20)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Gord Downie, the lead singer for The Tragically Hip, tragically died from brain cancer at the spry age of 53.

America collectively says, “What’s the big deal?”  Who the hell are The Tragically Hip?

Well, I can tell you from listening that The Tragically Hip pushed the envelope of mediocrity.  If they came on the radio, you wouldn’t change the station.  But you wouldn’t turn it up like you would “Radar Love.”  Or The Monkees.  [Come, on, you’d turn up The Monkees, you know it!]

They more rolled than rocked.  I mean, they had two members named Gord.  How hard can you rock with two Gords?  That’s why we had Smashing Pumpkins, because they knew that Smashing Gourds is just lame.

So, the group didn’t make a blip on the rest of the world’s radar.  But in Canada the Tragically Hip were a national institution.  It’s like Billy Joel to Long Island.  Or Bruce Springsteen in New Jersey.  Or, to a lesser extent, Bon Jovi to New Jersey.

They were the musical version of Tim Horton’s.

Some Kanuck singer said  that The Tragically Hip’s “songs are stitched into the collective subconscious of this country.  Eh?”  [“Eh?” added for Canadian emphasis].  To which The Barenaked Ladies replied, “well… ok… I guess… I mean… we’re pretty good too…”

gord-downie

What causes brain cancer?   That hat.

Hunky Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wrote that Gord “painted landscapes with his words, elevating Canadian geography, historical figures, and myths. When he spoke, he gave us goosebumps and made us proud to be Canadian.  Eh?” [“Eh?” added for Canadian emphasis].

I read that quote and I cannot stress how middlle of the road and unimpressive this music is.  Is that why Canadians are so much more stable than we are?  Is it their watered-down musical tastes that make them so goddamned polite?  I mean, the music is good… but it’s not great.

In May of 2016, Downie announced his illness.  In that same month, I saw the story and added his name to my ongoing Ghoul Pool research!

While I would like to say that this hit propels me to a score of 260 points… it is not to be so.

Last week, I decided to revoke my own points from the alleged death of Abu Bakr al-Bagdadi.  Some sources still claim that he is dead.  But he released a recording that the Pentagon has confirmed was made after his supposed death.  Personally, I still think that the guy is worm-food.  But the evidence is flimsy enough that I cannot currently accept the points.  

I expect that his death will be confirmed after draft night, which means that I will get 60 points for the year before.  [That’s a little move I like to call the “Pirate-Jen.”]

This decision did dovetail nicely with Gord’s death though, so it’s like I’m only losing 10 points instead of 60.  But man, how sweet would it have been to have that 90 point lead two weeks before draft night?

Wes is only 30 points behind, he could have a last minute death…  But I hope not.  I haven’t won this thing in 23 years!

Erin remains at zero.

Draft night is a mere 15 days away!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 200 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50, Charles Bradly – 40, Gord Downie – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 110 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50, Roy Dotrice – 10)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 80 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

English actor Roy Dotrice, who played father to Mozart in the classic movie that I know all of you have seen, “Amadeus,” died at the spry age of 94.

Dotrice is sure to haunt his son while wearing a mysterious black robe and mask.  He will drive his son to insanity and genius at the same time.  And then we’ll find out that it was just Salieri the whole time.

This will likely be spoofed by Tina Fey twenty years from now.  (On “50 Rock”?)

Dotrice  (whose name means “Do three times”) played in the play “Brief Lives,” a one-man show that saw him on stage for more than two-and-a-half hours, including the intermission, during which he would feign sleep.

How can you fake sleeping in front of so many people.  You know that every night, he would get the worst self-conscious itch on his ball sack.  Man, that would suck.

He did this play something like 9 trillion times.  So he’s in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most solo performances.

In 2008, he was appointed an Office of the British Empire (OBE).  You’d think there would be more information out there for one of such distinguishment.

Dotrice made his way into the Buffyverse when he played Wesley Wyndam-Pryce’s father in an episode of “Angel.”  Even as a Buffy fan, even I find that sentence sooo boring.  Angel was the worst.  He was lame. His hair grew straight up, and he was bloody stupid.

He earned another place in the Guinness World Records for the highest number of character voices by a single actor the book, “A Game of Thrones” (in which he voiced a

docrtice

How long do we have to wait for that hat to be a look again?

total of 224 characters).

Speaking of GOT, he also was on “Game of Thrones” for two episodes in season 2.  He was the guy who sold Tyrion liquid fire or whatever.

He’s submitting to be in the Guinness Book for a third time as the world’s deadest actor.  But the competition is pretty stiff.

This hit goes to Jami!  This brings her up to 110 points!

Erin remains at zero.

Draft night is a mere 17 days away!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 210 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50, Charles Bradly – 40)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 110 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50, Roy Dotrice – 10)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 80 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

The 1st football player to make to cover of Sports Illustrated, Yelberton Abraham Tittle, Jr., died at the spry age of 90.

Now when I say “football,” here I mean American Football.  Because we live in a backwards-ass country that insists on naming its sports after existing sports.  To the rest of the civilized world, football means soccer, healthcare is a right and Trump is unelectable.

Lucky us!

You may also have noticed the “Jr.” after his name.  This means that at least two people shared the name Yelberton.

Tittle held the NFL record for most touchdown passes in a season, 36, until 1984 when Dan Marino made Yelberton his bitch by squashing that record when he threw 48.

Tittle was known for throwing side-arm and for his baldness.  His nickname was “The Bald Eagle,” in a bit of fun body shaming amongst the boys.

When he retired, he held the records for Career passing yards,Career passing touchdowns, Career pass attempts, Career pass completions, Passing touchdowns in a season, Passing touchdowns in a game, Career total offense and Games played.

Despite all that he never won a championship.  I guess he just didn’t want it enough.

Tittile

Ahhh, ya not so tough, ya tittle old man.

After retirement, he worked for the 49ers as a coach and eventually became an insurance salesman.  How genuinely depressing.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Bean gains a full ten points.  Not a big hit.  Just a Tittle one.

Erin remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 210 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50, Charles Bradly – 40)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 80 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

or

Tom Petty and the Heartbroken

or

Learning to Die

Or

Yer So Dead

Rock and Roll superstar icon and not-so-pretty face, Tom Petty, danced his last dance with Mary Jane at the zombie zoo at the spry age of 66 last night.  I’m talkin’ about last night.  

Now he’s just a corpse in the crowd.  He won’t come around here no more.  He was an American singer, raised on a Rickenbacker.  

His heart had a change of heart when it broke down and he did backed down.  He got

Petty

You don’t know how it feels… to look like this.

turned around.  He might be standing up at the gates of hell right now.  

Bob Dylan and Jeff Lynne were saddened by the news that Petty had reached the end of the line and hoped that his coffin would be handled with care.

The news was reported yesterday.  Then retracted as they said he was clinging to life.  Some said he died, others said he didn’t.  The media kept draggin’ my heart around.  God, don’t do me like that!  I need to know!

All we could do was wait.  And the waiting is the hardest part.

When they finally announced his death, it wrecked me.  But I should have known it.  A guy who looks like Petty can’t cling very hard to life.

Petty is from an era where success is a long, long road.  Also a time where you didn’t need to be pretty to be successful.  And you didn’t need the strongest voice either.  Even the losers could get ahead.

Jodi and husband got lucky, babe, when they picked him.  Hopefully their 40 points will make it better.  And now it is time to move on.

I count twenty three song references (outside of the titles).

Erin remains at square one.  (twenty four!)

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 70 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10, Tom Petty – 40)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Game Show Host and wheeler-dealer, Monty Hall, will take whatever is in coffin number three because he died at the spry age of 96.

Hall hosted the classic game show, “Let’s Make a Deal,” from 1963 to 1976, where costumed contestants would compete and trade for prizes or get zonked (old-timey for losing).

Contestants weren’t supposed to show up in costume originally.  But after one week, a woman wore an outrageous hat in an attempt to get Monty’s attention.  Next thing you know, they poor guy is standing in the middle of a harlequin, a cowboy and a pink bunny.

Because Hall pulled contestants from the crowd himself (not like that lazy fuck, Bob Barker), it became a competition for the most outrageous costume.  But let’s keep in mind, this was the 60s and 70s, where long-haired hippies and interracial marriage was considered outrageous.

Maybe a couple would dress up as Raggedy Ann and Andy because you know, cute

Hall

Hall, shown here suppressing his rage and anger that this is the normal of his life.

couple costume.  Maybe someone would go as an Indian Chief because cultural sensitivity wasn’t a thing yet.  Maybe someone would just glue crumpled money to their outfit because they’re too damn lazy to do an actual damned costume.  The people looked ridiculous in an effort to win a color TV.

Monty would also pick people out depending on items that they carried with them,  “Does someone have a spoon?  I’ll give you $50 for a spoon.”  So, it was wise to bring a shitload of shit in your pockets or purse.

When playing, Hall would offer to trade something with the contestants for something like the contents of a woman’s purse.  He might say that there was a car behind one of the three doors.  And donkeys behind the other two.  After you pick door number three, he might reveal a donkey behind door number two.  He would then ask if you want to switch your pick to door # 1.

This created an actual statistical argument in the world of mathematics.  Would changing your pick increase or decrease your odds?  Much debate between two people you never heard of (unless you are a die-hard reader of “American Statistician”) went on until something that I don’t really understand was proven.  In the end, it makes no difference.  You have the same chances as before.  [I think]

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She gets the car while Monty gets zonked!  Joanne moves up to forty points!  This puts her an even forty points ahead of Erin!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Joanne: 40 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20, Monty Hall – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

International symbol of hedonism, sex and smoking jackets, Hugh Hefner, died at the spry age of 91.

Hefner made a name for himself when he paid a calendar company $500 to use their nude pictures of marilyn Monroe for his new magazine, Playboy.

Marilyn never met Hugh, was never part of the deal and never earned a cent from

Hefner Creepy

No.  This isn’t creepy at all.

playboy.  Really, she was embarrassed by the whole thing.  She agreed to do the nude shoot before she became famous and was paid $50.

And now, Hugh will be buried next to her.  That just don’t seem right.

Hefner went on to either objectify women or let women revel in their sexual freedom.  It literally depends on which woman you talk to.  

If you talk to Holly Madison, you’ll find that his harem had to be part of bi-weekly “sex parties” where Hef was really too old and hard of hearing to pick up on the fact that the girls really weren’t into it.  To them, it was simply paying the rent.

If you talk to Kathryn Leigh Scott, her time as a Playboy Bunny in the 60s was fun and liberating and she looks fondly upon it.

Really what it boiled down to was that Hef didn’t give two shits.  If he cared one way or another, he would have made sure that anyone who participated was actually OK with it Hefner Deathand not just desperate to pay the bills.

Hefner went from publishing magnate to creepy old guy.  As he got older… it got creepier.

This hit goes to: Josh!  Josh is now tied with Pirate!

In some unfortunate news, a recording of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has been released.  Now, the most reliable sources still say that he is dead.  But if it is confirmed that he recently recorded this, I will have to subtract that 60 points from my total.  Which makes me sad.

But hey, at least I’m not still at zero.  Like Erin.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 150 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20, Hugh Hefner – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Charles Bradley, the Screaming Eagle of Soul, died of liver cancer at the spry age of 68.

Bradley’s life was a rags to rags to rags to old rags to riches with cancer story.

At the age of 14, he saw James Brown perform at the Apollo.  I mean James Brown a at the Apollo.  How does that not change your life?

When he was fourteen, Bradley ran away from home to escape poor living conditions—his bedroom was in a basement with a sand floor.  He lived on the streets and slept in subway cars for two years.  Talk about living rough.

The Job Corps led him to Bar Harbor, Maine to train as a chef.  Now, when you think of soul music, Bar Harbor, Maine rarely plays a part in the story.

A co-worker told him he looked like James Brown and asked if he could sing.  He overcame his stage fright (when a crew member pushed him through the curtains onto the stage) and performed five or six times with a band.

His bandmates were later drafted into the Vietnam War, and the act never re-formed.  Because, you know: misery and unhappiness

He hitchhiked across the country and settled in California where he worked odd jobs and played small shows for 20 years.  He then moved back to Brooklyn.  He almost died in the hospital after having an allergic reaction to penicillin.  And his brother was murdered

Did I mention the misery and unhappiness?

Bradley

And he wore this suit.   Because, you know: misery and unhappiness.

But wait?  Wasn’t he a well respected, even venerated, soul singer?

Yeah, his first recording wasn’t until he was 54 years old.  FIFTY FOUR!  That’s *mumble-mumble-mumble* years older than me!

Who would want to sign a 54 year old singer?  Listen to him sing and you’ll say: everyone.  The guy was incredible.  It’s a tragedy that he only had three albums.

He was soon diagnosed with stomach cancer.  Because, you know: misery and unhappiness.

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes!  I’m back in the lead!  And, for the 1st time ever, I have broken the 200 point barrier!

Erin remains at zero.  How mortifying.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

The French heiress of L’Oréal and the richest woman in the world (well, not any more), Liliane Bettencourt, finally died at the spry age of 94.

Born to parents with really French names, Bettencourt grew to love a Nazi sympathiser whom she married in 1950.  Wait… in 1950 people were ballsy enough to be Nazi sympathisers?  I mean, the war only ended five years earlier.

You see, her pop was also a Nazi sympathizer and funded Nazi groups as early as the 30’s.  And I honestly cannot believe that people still purchase from L’Oréal .

It was to the point that after the war, L’Oréal just hired Nazis because they knew no one else would.  I mean, this shit is just fucked up.

Despite what our president says: Nazis are bad.  Anyone who reads this need to stop buying L’Oréal right the fuck now!  What’s your alternative?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’sBettencourt Maybelline.

Fuck!  Maybelline is owned by  L’Oréal!  So, don’t buy their crap either!

Actually, if you are a good person, you won’t buy from Garnier, Lancôme, Helena Rubinstein, BioMedic,Vichy, Biotherm, Shu Uemura, Kiehl’s, Soft Sheen-Carson, Redken, Matrix, Kerastase, Giorgio Armani, Inneov, Sanoflore, CCB Paris, Dermablend, The Body Shop, Skinceuticals, Ralph Lauren, La-Roche-Posay, and Yves Saint Laurent.  Because these Nazis own all that shit!

Multinational mergers make boycotting so complicated.

In the late 80s Bettencourt  became a sugar mommy to photographer, François-Marie Banier.  They became… let’s say “friends.” She bestowed gifts upon him estimated to be worth as much as €1.3 billion.

Accused of “abus de faiblesse,” or exploiting the old woman’s frailty, he was bombarded at a trial in 2015 by the testimony of maids, butlers, doctors and others who called him the dominating manipulator of an overmedicated, disoriented woman.

Exploiting an old woman’s frailty?  That’s a thing in France?  Does that mean they’re not allowed to show reruns of “Hot in Cleveland?”  Because they were exploiting Betty White’s frailty?

In 2010, she was embroiled in a scandal when it came out that she had a substantial amount of cash in undeclared Swiss bank accounts.  Most likely the same bank that kept all of her Nazi gold.

She also lost €22 Million to Bernie Madoff.  To which I say: good for you, Bernie.

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  Pirate gains another 10 points from this bitch, putting her in second place with 150 points!

Erin, embarrassingly, remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 150 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20, Liliane Bettencourt – 10)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)