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Former all-star catcher for the Philadelphia Phillies, Darren Daulton, died at the spry age of 55.

Daulton had battled brain cancer since 2013. He had two tumors removed in 2013, but was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer that also killed his former teammate Tug McGraw and former coach John Vukovich.  

So…. contagious?  Are we looking at some kind of Outbreak situation?  Are we all gonna die from brain cancer because we are only separated by six degrees?

The long-haired Daulton, nicknamed “Dutch,” was beloved by Phillies fans and respected by teammates despite his insistence that everyone split the check.

After retiring from baseball, his life took a turn.

He was arrested for a DUI, then his license was suspended the next time for refusing to take the breathalyzer test.  He was also arrested for battery against his wife.

Daulton

Daulton was alway business in the front and party in the back.

He divorced and married professional golfer Amanda Dick because, “I always wanted a wife with a dirty name.”

But that’s not all: he also wrote a book about numerology and the occult!  If They Only Knew by Darren Daulton is available on Amazon for $16.50 on paperback or $4.99 for your Kindle.

“Daulton delves into issues of ascension, such as dimensions and levels of consciousness, the Mayan Calendar and December 21, 2012, creating one’s own reality and a lot more.”

What the fuck, dude?  Just catch the damned ball and throw it back to the pitcher.  Don’t tell me about picking the next pitch by utilizing the hidden powers of the fibonacci sequence.  

Plus, why didn’t you just create your own reality where you didn’t have brain cancer?

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes!  I take the lead in the Ghoul Pool!  Lee Kwang Soo!  Lee Kwang Soo!  Lee Kwang Soo!

Of course, this means that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi will soon be proven to be alive to take the lead away.  But for now: the most reliable sources are still saying he’s dead.  And he hasn’t picked up his Subway order form eight months ago, so….

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Babysitter: 10 – (June Foray – 10)

Broadcaster and former baseball star… well, not really a star… former baseball player [yes, we’ll go with that], Joe Garagiola died at the spry age of 90.

Garagiola grew up with Yogi Berra who lived, literally, across the street from him.  They both made it to the major leagues in baseball.  Joe didn’t do as well as Yogi.

In nine years Joe played for four teams, hit 42 career home runs (an average of just under five a year) with 255 RBIs and had a .257 batting average.  So, he was an OK player.  He didn’t really suck, but he wasn’t really good.  He was just there.

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t post those numbers.  But if we want to make a comparison, let’s see how Joe does in creating macros in Excel.  Or better yet, who can watch more movies?  [Frankly, I’m down with that competition against anyone.  The gauntlet has been thrown.]

Garagiola turned to broadcasting following his retirement as a player, first calling Cardinals radio broadcasts on KMOX, which is officially the coolest call sign of any TV station.  K-mox!

He then went to work for NBC where he called a bunch of games, blah, blah, blah… but he also filled in for Johnny Carson as a guest host a few times on “The Tonight Show.”  Imagine how disappointing it must have been to finally go to see Johnny Carson film his show live only to have your day, or more accurately, your life ruined when they announced that Joe frickin’ Garagiola is filling in for Carson.  It’s almost as bad as having Joan Rivers.

He also hosted a handful of game shows because… have you seen the guy? He’s more of a

Joe_Garagiola-Gerald_Ford

Garagiola did a Bane impression before it was cool.

game show host than Joe Biden.

In a case of bald-guys-sticking-together, in 1976 Garagiola supported Gerald Ford in the presidential election.  He actually did some commercials that are famous for hurting Ford’s campaign:

I planned to embed an example of a commercial right here.  Unfortunately, Youtube failed me.

Garagiola was the keynote luncheon speaker at the 2007 convention of the Society for American Baseball Research.  I mention this because…

Stop!  Tangent Time: There’s a fucking Society for American Baseball Research?!?!  What the fuck is that for?  With all the time TV spends going over every aspect of every damn sport (except soccer and cricket), I think we have enough goddamn research done into baseball on a daily fucking basis.  This is a membership organization dedicated to fostering the research and dissemination of the history and record of baseball (thank you, Wikipedia).  Do we really need this shit?  Has the winner of the 1956 World Series been questioned or something?   [It was those assholes, the Yankees by the way.]  Isn’t there something in this world that you can spend your money, time and energy researching that is more important than baseball records?  Like, I don’t know… Cancer?  AIDS?  Sheltering the homeless?  Beating Donald Trump?  I get having a hobby.  I get enjoying going through baseball stats.  But do we need an association for fostering and disseminating baseball stats?  Isn’t that done on ESPN like, Every.  Single.  Fucking.  Day?

He also hosted coverage of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on USA Network from 1994-2002.  So?  He liked dogs.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She pulls ahead of Harmony with her second hit and now has 70 points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 160 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 70 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 60 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Baseball Hall-of-Famer Monte Irvin died at the spry age of 96.

Irvin was the oldest living African American to have played in the major leagues. He also was the oldest living member of a World Series-winning team, the oldest man who played for the New York Giants in the 1954 World Series.  He was old.

Hell, he was older than Nancy Reagan!  And Betty White!  Combin- No, not combined.  That would be ridiculous.

Irvin played for the New York Giants when Willie Mays joined the the team in 1951.  Irvin was then asked to mentor Mays.  Imagine that?  Being asked to mentor the Say Hey Kid.  Did they also expect him to give singing lessons to Ella Fitzgerald?  Film-making advice to Alfred Hitchcock?  Spiritual advice to Jesus?  

While living in Orange, NJ, Irvin played baseball for the Orange Triangles, a local semiprofessional team, who really could not think of one single decent name for a New Jersey baseball team.  Today, the team is known as The Toxic Avengers.

Irvin went on to play in the Negro leagues because this was a time when there was racism (not like now).  The idea was that black people were below the human race (here “Human

Monte

Sell-out.

Race” reads as “ingnerent white folk”) and therefore could not mingle with the human race.

In 1949, the Giants paid $5,000 for his contract, making him one of the first black players to be signed, as Jackie Robinson had effectively ended racism when  he broke the MLB color line in 1947.  [Oh, Racism didn’t stop then?  OK.]

Then in 1951 Irvin ended racism when he teamed with Hank Thompson and Willie Mays to form the first all-black outfield in the majors.  […still no?  OK.]

In 1968, he was named an MLB public relations specialist for the commissioner’s office.  The appointment made him the first black executive in professional baseball, ending racism once and for all.  [Right?  Wrong?   OK…]

In 1974, Kuhn was present in Cincinnati to witness the end of racism when Hank Aaron tied Babe Ruth’s record of 714 career home runs.  The black man had worked so hard under terrible conditions but now, with a black man tying the Sultan of Swat on home runs, it was made clear that we are all equal.  […Still no?  What the fuck is wrong with people?]

Just what the hell is it gonna take to end racism?

I know… once we get a black President, racism will simply vanish.  Sweet!

Obviously, this hit went to Tailgating with Jesus.  Bean strives to find obscure sports types to give him little, tiny hits.  But it should be noted that he is one little, tiny hit from tying your illustrious Ghoul Pool Administrator.

Nancy Reagan, somehow, still continues to live.  (Well, compared to this guy, she’s a Spring chicken.. maybe Summer?  No: an Autumn chicken.)

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 80 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 70- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 40 – (Natalie Cole – 40)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 20 (Wayne Rogers – 20)

or “Boo-Boo’s Lament”

It is over for the man who said that “It ain’t over ‘till it’s over.”  Yogi Berra died of natural causes at his home in New Jersey (can you think of anything more depressing?) at the spry age of 90.

Berra was the manager of the much hated (and rightfully so) New York Yankees.  He famously went into the stands during games to steal pic-a-nic baskets from people in the crowd.

Despite being aligned with so much Bronx-based evil, Yogi was (almost) universally loved, especially for his quirky little “Yogi-isims.”  Such as:

  • “It’s like deja vu all over again.”
  • “Half the lies that the tell about me aren’t true.”
  • “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
  • “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
  • “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
  • “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
  • “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
  • “You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
  • “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
  • “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”

Yogi also managed the Mets… but not enough to cleanse him of being a Yankee.

And did I mention: he was easy on the eyes.  So dreamy....

And did I mention: he was easy on the eyes. So dreamy….

His former sidekick, Boo-Boo issued a statement:  “I’m glad that that Art-Carney-wanna-be bastard’s finally dead!  I wouldn’t have a criminal record if it weren’t for that asshole.  As a young, impressionable bear, I was lured in with the promise of free sandwiches and picnic baskets.  But every time, the park ranger would bust our asses and send me to juvie for another three months.  Do you know what they do to bears wearing bow-ties in juvie?”

This hit goes to: Nikki!  The one person in Vermont who is an actual Yankees fan (told you that Vermont was awesome).  Don’t worry, Nikki, none of us are perfect.

This gives her another 10 points, but keeps her in the same spot in the rankings.  Probably because of the Yankee-fan karma.

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: Draft night is just 47 days away!

Current Standings:

The Girl on Fire: 180 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20, Anne Meara – 20, Denise McCluggage – 20, Bobbi Christina Brown – 80, Frank Gifford – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 150 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90)

Jami: 140 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50, Dick Van Patten – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: 130 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20, Louise Suggs – 10)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 120 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10, Giacomo Biffi “the Vampire Slayer” – 20, William W. Baum – 20, László Paskai – 20)

Gianna: 110 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70, Vincent Bugliosi – 10, Dean Jones – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Marion Barry – 30, Omar Sharif – 20, Dave Benton – 50)

Nikki: 90 – (Stuart Scott – 60, BB King – 20, Yogi Berra – 10)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 70 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20, Alex Rocco – 30, Milton Delugg – 10)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

Mostly Mike: 40 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10, Dickie Moore – 20)

Anne: 30 – (oops, I forgot who Anne had – 30)

Nathaniel: – 10 – (Christopher Lee – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

“The Hebrew Hammer,” (will there ever be a time when that nickname is not funny?) Al Rosen died at the spry age of 91.

Rosen was a standout third baseman for the Cleveland Indians… which means that he was a wasted talent.  I mean, the Indians?  They made a movie that revolves around the total suckieness of the Cleveland Indians.  And a sequel.

Early in life, Rosen was an amateur boxer, and had a reputation for standing up to anyone who dared insult his ancestry.  But a man gets tired of beating up assholes all day long.  So he started playing baseball in Canada because… why not Canada?

Upon leading the Canadian-American League in home runs (16) and RBIs (86), while batting .323, he was bestowed his idol Hank Greenberg’s nickname, “The Hebrew Hammer.”  But this nickname had nothing to do with baseball.  It came from the ladies… see, his bat is not the hammer.

(…the hammer is his penis)

In the American major leagues, he dealt with a lot of anti-semitism, and he was not going to stand for it.  Once a White Sox opponent called him a “Jew bastard”. An angry Rosen striding belligerently to the dugout and challenging the “son of a bitch” to a fight.  The asshole pussied out on him.

Rosen challenged another opposing player who had slurred his religion to fight him under the stands. And during a game,

They had to doctor his baseball card to make it look like a bat.

They had to doctor his baseball card to make it look like a bat.

when Red Sox bench player Matt Batts taunted Rosen with anti-Semitic names, Rosen called time and left his position on the field to confront Batts.  Hank Greenberg recalled that Rosen “wanted to go into the stands and murder” fans who hurled anti-Semitic insults at him.

So in the end: this guy was a frickin’ BAD-ASS!  He was awesome!  He didn’t take no shit from no one!  Where was he in WWII?  He once said, “There’s a time that you let it be known that enough is enough. . . . You flatten ‘em.”  Go Hammer!

After retiring in 1956 Rosen became a stockbroker and for 22 years, he was known as the “Hebrew Financial Planner.”  The nickname isn’t as glamorous, but you gotta admit, it’s much more fiscally responsible.

In 1978, his bank traded his soul to the Devil and he became the President and CEO of the New York Yankees.  So much for his bad-assery….

This hit goes to… the only person who would have drafted Al Rosen: Bean!  He breaks the 100 point barrier.  Meanwhile…

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 120 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50)

Tailgating with Jesus: 100 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Gianna: 70 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70)

Occupy the Casket: 60 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 40 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – ()

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Babysitter: 20 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, died at the spry age of 83.

Bank’s birthday is a mere eight days away which means that I’m not getting my fucking deposit back on that custom Wrigley Field-shaped bedpan.  Man, never get custom birthday presents for old fossils.

Ernie Banks’ entire career illustrates a very simple point that we already know: the Cubs suck.  Banks was an 11-time All-Star, a first-ballot Hall of Famer, won consecutive MVP awards in 1958-59.  He hit .313 with 47 home runs and 129 RBIs in 1958. The next season he hit .304 with 45 HR and 143 RBI in 1959.  In his career, he had 2,583 hits, 512 home runs, and 1,636 RBIs.

Yet in all his time with the team, they never won a World Series.  Because the Cubs suck.  Wait… let me amend that: they

An Ernie Banks baseball card from that year that they didn't win the World Series. Because the Cubs suck.

An Ernie Banks baseball card from that year that they didn’t win the World Series.
Because the Cubs suck.

never made it to the World Series.  Because the Cubs suck.  Wait… let me amend that even further: they never even made it to the frickin’ playoffs!  Why?  Because the Chicago Cubs suck.

All because some hayseed wanted to bring his goat to the game in 1945.  Man, you’d think Chicago would have had a better dating pool.

As a matter of fact, they regularly ended up in the bottom of the rankings every year.  And poor Ernie Banks, a true baseball talent, never played any post-season ball because he was shackled to that great bastion of suckitude in the Second City.

“He was one of the greatest players of all time,” Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts said in a statement.  I add this because this guy’s name is “Ricketts.”

This hit goes to: Well, you can bank on the fact that it’s Tailgating with Jesus!  Bean banks another 20 points, pushing him up to third place.  But not to worry, Nancy Reagan will die this year!  You can take that to the bank!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Tailgating with Jesus: 40 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20)

Anne: 30 – (Joe Cocker – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 20 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 10 – (King Abdullah – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

The oldest living Red Sock and the 7th oldest living MLB player is no longer qualified for either title because Lou Lucier, died at the spry age of 96.

He was the star pitcher for Grafton High School, known for his dipsy-doodle curve ball. I mention this so that I can say “dipsy-doodle.”  And now you want to say it.

Lucier got to play in the majors because all the real talent was off fighting in WWII (the big one).  With a 3.81 ERA, he was kinda shitty. But he was an excellent fielder.  With a fielding percentage of .978, you could say that he laid traps for the

He is pleased to meet you.  He hopes you guessed his name.

He is pleased to meet you. He hopes you guessed his name.

runners, who get out before they reached 1st base.

This ability to field yet not-so-much pitch may puzzle you, but it was the nature of his game.

But he was more than just a crappy ball-player.  He was a man of wealth and taste.  He had been around for a long, long year and stole more than 2nd base.

He was so old that when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain, he made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate.  He is credited with killing the czar and his ministers in St. Petersburg.  He rode a tank and held a General’s rank, when the blitzkrieg raged.

As he got older, his mind started to slip.  He kept shouting out “Who killed the Kennedys?” when after all, it was… ummmm…. it was….. Let me go watch “JFK” again….

So, if you meet his grieving family, have some courtesy.  Have some sympathy and some taste. Use all you well-learned politeness.  Or he’ll lay your soul to waste.

Um, yeah.

Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo.     Woo-hoo……

This hot goes to Joanne!  With 130 points, she finds herself praying for 70 points in the n ext five days, because….

FIVE days until draft night!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 160 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20, Don Pardo – 10, Frank Torre – 20)

Starving Writer: – 150 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60, Richard Kiel – 30, Geoffrey Holder – 6’ 6” – 20)

“Imaginary” Steve (aka: The Arch-Bishop): 140 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20, Cardinal Francesco Marchisano – 20, Cardinal Edmund Szoka – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10, Richard Attenborough – 10, Ben Bradlee – 10, Lou Lucier – 10)

Gianna: 90 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0, Dick Smith – 10)

SPMI: 90 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30, Terry Richards – 20)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 80 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20, Martin Perl – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 80 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10, Robin Williams – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 70 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20, James Brady – 30)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

Nora the Explorer: 60 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10, Quail Dobbs – 30)

Dick in Town: 50 (Hiroo Onoda – 10, Dick “Dickie” Jones – 20, Elaine Stritch – 20)

Team Sushi: – 55 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Carol’s 1%: 25 (Harold Simmons – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Erika: 20 (Joan Rivers – 20)

Nikki: 20 (Lauren Bacall – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Former baseball player and shadow occupier, Frank Torre died at the spry age of 82.

In 1957, he hit two home runs to help the  Milwaukee Braves beat the Yankees in the ‘57 world series.  Which make him a national hero.

But when his brother went to work for the Yankees, they bought themselves a few world series wins.  So… Joe’s the famous one.

Frank would become the Forgotten Torre while his asshole brother would be remembered for being this “great” manager.  Joe was a shitty manager.  His boss just spent crazy money on salaries.  If Joe Torre was such a great manager, he would have gotten a winning season from the Mets somewhere between ‘77 and ‘81.  But he didn’t.  You know why?  He’s not a Frank Torre“great” manager.  I’m not even asking for a world series here, just a winning fucking season.

Joe, regarded his older brother as a mentor during their traumatic years growing up with an NFL star of a father in Brooklyn.   I assume he was an NFL star because he beat his wife on a regular basis, which scared the tar out of the Torre kids.

Despite this, Joe continued to be an asshole to his older brother.

In 1996, Frank went in for a heart transplant.  His brother, reinforced the Yankee-asshole stereotype by not staying with his loving brother in the hospital the entire time.  Noooo… he had to manage his team in the World Series… asshole.

While Frank was the Forgotten Torre, Bean remembered him!  Tailgating with Jesus suddenly reminds us that he’s still in this mo-fo!  Bean goes up to 160 points!  A mere 30 points behind the leader!

Looks like Jami needs to spike some addict’s drink to keep her lead up.

NOTE:  Draft Night is on November 1st!  Please let me know if you plan on coming.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 160 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20, Don Pardo – 10, Frank Torre – 20)“Imaginary” Steve (aka: The Arch-Bishop): 150 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20, Cardinal Francesco Marchisano – 20, Cardinal Edmund Szoka – 20)

Starving Writer: – 130 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60, Richard Kiel – 30)

Joanne: 110 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10, Richard Attenborough – 10)

Gianna: 90 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0, Dick Smith – 10)

SPMI: 90 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30, Terry Richards – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 80 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10, Robin Williams – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 70 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20, James Brady – 30)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Dick in Town: 50 (Hiroo Onoda – 10, Dick “Dickie” Jones – 20, Elaine Stritch – 20)

Team Sushi: – 55 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Carol’s 1%: 25 (Harold Simmons – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Erika: 20 (Joan Rivers – 20)

Nikki: 20 (Lauren Bacall – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Baseball coach and inspiration for Doctor Who’s Slitheen, Don Zimmer, died at the spry age of 83.

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Zimmer (right) was the inspiration for a Doctor Who alien (left).

Zimmer (The Zim-man to douchebags who tried to ingratiate themselves by giving him a nickname) was in baseball for over 60 years, right up to his death.  He got married on the field.  When he was on dialysis, he still showed up at Tropicana Field (named after team founder, Joe Tropicana) to advise the Rays.  This guy lived, ate, drank, breathed, peed, pooped and ejaculated baseball.

Back in ‘53 he was hit in the head by a pitch and was knocked out cold for two weeks.  Two weeks!  Yeah, they started using helmets after that.  (Phil Rizzuto was the first to use a batting helmet, which he purchased using a loan from the Money Store.)

Zimmer shot Trayvon Martin and got away with it because this is an unfair, racist world we live in-  Hold on, let me double-check that… Googling… Zimmer… Trayvon… Oh… that would be George Zimmerman… that bastard is still at large?  Man, this is an unfair, racist world we live in.

Zimmer hit his high with the world-champion Brooklyn Dodgers and he hit his low as one of the original New York Mets… can’t slip much lower than that.  That’s like, Nixon resigning low.

In 2005, Zimmerman’s jowly visage was co-opted for the Slitheen by the BBC for their re-boot of the classic Doctor Who series.  The show is little more than an Abbot and Costello rip-off where two guys sit around and argue about misunderstanding a doctor’s name.

This hit goes to: well, duh, Tailgating with Jesus!  The Beaner hits triple-digits with this hit!  But he’s still 90 points behind Jami.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 100 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna: 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

SPMI: 70 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30)

“Imaginary” Steve: 70 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20)

Joanne: 70 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20)

Babysitter: 60 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 40 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10)

Nora the Explorer: 20 (Jeremiah Denton – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

Former Washington Senators baseball player, and life-ling Cuban, Connie Marrero, died at the spry age of 102.

Just how old is 102 years old?  It’s so old, he played for the Washington Senators.  It’s so old that Connie passed as a boy’s name (Ain’t that right, Connie Mack?).  It’s so old, it’s not worth any points!

Roberto González Echevarría (whoever the hell that is) once described Connie as, “A bit plump, of less than average height, with short arms and small hands, Marrero looked, in uniform, like someone in a baseball costume, not a player. He looked more like a Spanish grocer or peasant than an athlete.”  Man, I bet he got all the baseball groupies.

His pitching was described as “slow stuff.”  …Man, this guy was just a schnook.

His nicknames in Cuba were “El Guajiro de Laberinto” (which translates roughly into “The Peasant from Laberinto”), reflecting his rural origins, “El Premier” (which translates roughly into “The Premier”) and “El Curvo” (which, I believe translates to “The Tequila”).

After retiring as a player, Marrero moved back to Cuba and became a coach for the Havana Sugar Kings… which, I think, is where a young Dezi Arnez learned to master the maracas.

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Connie, shown here minutes before announcing a big casino deal with the Corleone family.

This hit goes to… Joanne!  yes, Joanne makes history by being the very first Ghoul Pooler to score TWO zero-point hits in one year!

Joanne, feel free to make a speech thanking your parents and God and all that.  Maybe we can come up with some kind of award for you… I’ll have to think about that one…

So, Joanne moves from the grip of an exciting fourth-place tie and right into the grip of an exciting fourth-place tie.  Her score jumps from 50 points right up to 50 points!  Congrats!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Starving Writer – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Tailgating with Jesus – 80 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20)

Gianna 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

“Imaginary” Steve: 50 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0)

Babysitter: 40 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10 )

SPMI: 40 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House) – 30 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

Dora the Explorer: 20 (Jeremiah Denton – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 20 (Ralph Waite – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)