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Tag Archives: Batman

Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor, Adam West lies in state after dying at the spry age of 88.

West, along with Burt Ward, were the original Ambiguously Gay Duo in the campy 60’ TV show Batman.  (BIFF!!!  BAM!!! KA-POW!!!!)

The show was cancelled after three seasons because after a ratings slump, the show wasbam just too expensive.  It was the most expensive TV show on the air at the time.  Which today, is laughable.  I mean, the cast of Friends made more in one episode than it cost to make a whole season of Batman.

West always knew that the only real catwoman was Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Lee Meriwether.

He also questioned why Batman doesn’t dance any more and wondered if anyone remembered the Batusi.

west

West & Ward, shown here peaking.

But Batman was filmed at the height of free-love and it turned into a back-stage bat porno.  (Holy Bat-Pole, Batman!)

According to Burt Ward’s autobiography, Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights (available on Amazon for sixty bucks), they got more pussy than all three cat women combined.

As Ward actually put it, “Everyone wanted our Bat Sperm in every orifice.”

Now, this claim is only found in Ward’s self-published book.  So, there might not be spuriousness involved.

West himself was asked about it and his reply was that “Burt fell victim to making up stories to sell books.”

He then noted that Ward only possessed Robin Sperm and that Bat Sperm was 100%.  Pure.  West.

West was born in Walla Walla, Washington, which I bring up because saying Walla Walla is fun.  Plus, it explains why he smelled like a Walla Wallan.

This hit goes to: Josh!  He is now in a tie for 1st place with Wes!  Biff]

And I think it’s time to say what is clearly on everyone’s minds: Josh and Wes are dicks.  Comin’ in a rookies.  Gettin’ 5 or 6 hits.  140 points each.  Assholes.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

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Greedy, barbarous and cruel actor, Omar Sharif, died at the spry age of 83.

He died foolishly trying to cross the mighty Nefud desert to go to a party in Aqaba.  Once he reached the sun’s anvil, he was toast.  Literally.

Sharif will always be known for his iconic role in the film “Top Secret,” where he starred opposite a pre-batman Val Kilmer.  It was in this film that he perfected the cinematic trope of being stuffed in a crushed car so that your erection takes the form of an extending radio antenna.

Now everybody does it.

When a reporter asked if he'll be buried in a lavish coffin, Sharif replied, "I will tell you that when I have a coffin."

When a reporter asked if he’ll be buried in a lavish coffin, Sharif replied, “I will tell you that when I have a coffin.”

He also starred in “Funny Girl.”  A movie that I hope to never watch in my life because it stars Barbara Streisand.  God, I can’t stand her.  I hate her the way Republicans hate Hillary: irrationally and irreversibly.

In Dr. Zhivago, he cheated on the completely adorable daughter of Charlie Chaplin during the Russian revolution.  While I generally hate movies about adultery, I do love this one.  It’s beautifully shot and it’s directed by David-fucking-Lean.

But Omar didn’t always star in Oscar winners.  When working with Viggo Mortensen on the crapfest that was “Hidalgo,” he famously tutored his co-star when he said to him, “This script damn well sucks!”  Sharif looked at him coolly and said, “Certainly it sucks.  The trick, Viggo Mortensen, is not minding that it sucks.”

He was also in “Desert Law”!  How awesome does that title sound?  Here’s the synopsis: A woman’s ex-husband, who is the son of an Arab chieftain, kidnaps their teenage son and brings him back to Morocco, where the boy is to be made the leader of the tribe. The child’s mother hires a mercenary to get her son and bring him back to her.

It should be noted that this came out the EXACT same year as “Not Without My Daughter,” which is basically the same fucking movie but with a daughter instead and with Sally Field.  Two versions of the same piece of shit… man, that’s good.

When reached for comment, Omar Epps said, “We had the same name!  That’s it!  I never met him!  Stop calling me!”

His last movie was called “Rock the Casbah,” which Alanis Morissette finds to be very ironic.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  At 50 points, they are a mere 100 points behind the leader!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 150 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90)

Jami: 140 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50, Dick Van Patten – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: 120 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20)

Gianna: 90 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70, Vincent Bugliosi – 10)

Nikki: 80 – (Stuart Scott – 60, BB King – 20)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 60 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20, Anne Meara – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 60 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10)

Team Sushi: 50 – (Marion Barry – 30, Omar Sharif – 20)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – (oops, I forgot who Anne had – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

Nathaniel: – 10 – (Christopher Lee – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

Actor and inventor of the cotton gin, Eli Wallach, died at the spry age of 98.

Wallach loved working in the theater.  He starred in many of Tennessee Williams’ plays, including “Camino Real” (1953), where he played a young man named Kilroy.

“I had trouble with that role,” Wallach said in an interview with… oh, let’s say People Magazine.  “It was a real challenge to convey emotion when most of my dialogue was ‘I am here’ or ‘I was there.’  And constantly writing that I was there was just distracting.  Now that I think of it… that play was pretty fucking stupid.”

In an Ionesco allegory, a 1961 production of “Rhinoceros,” Mr. Wallach gave a low-key performance as a nondescript clerk in a city where people are being transformed into rhinoceroses… and now you want to see that play too!… man, I hope they use real, live rhinos!  Not that Amazing Spiderman 2 rhino…

He also did a lot of TV.  He played Mr. Freeze in the cam py ‘60s “Batman” TV show… which was grittier and more realistic than the movie, “Batman & Robin.”

Ghoul Pool

Schwarzenegger called. He wants his dignity back.

Wallach starred in movies “as a means to an end.”  He told The New York Times, “I go and get on a horse in Spain for 10 weeks, and I have enough cushion to come back and do a play.”  So, he did movies like”The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” “The Magnificent Seven” and “The Misfits.”

But he will always be remembered for eating the Poisoned Cannoli in that shitty, shitty epic, “The Godfather Part III.”  In one of the worst scenes of the entire movie… and that is saying something… he is at an opera, eating a box of cannolis… moving ever closer to the poisoned cannoli as Talia Shire watches from the edge of her seat through opera glasses… so bad.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She breaks triple digits (much like two of her other hits) and is at 100 points with this hit!  She is still 90 points behind the leader.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 120 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20)

Joanne: 100 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10)

“Imaginary” Steve: 100 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna: 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

SPMI: 70 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30)

Babysitter: 60 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 40 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)