Skip navigation

Tag Archives: cocaine

Former dictator and human pineapple, Manuel Noriega died at the spry age of 83.

Noriega put the “Dick” in Dictator.  He ruled Panama in the 80s where he helped the US, helped Cuba and sold a lot of drugs.

He was known for brandishing a machete during speeches.

He lived a lavish, libertine life off drug-trade riches, complete with luxurious mansions, cocaine-fueled parties and voluminous collections of antique guns.

Most importantly, he liked to display his teddy bears dressed as paratroopers.  

pineapplepokopo

Noriega, shown here doing his impression of Dick Cheney.

Oh, how I Googled and Googled the hell out of “Manuel Noriega’s Teddy Bear Collection.”  Alas, not even a thumbnail could be found.

In 1989, George Bush #1 got tired of his antics and shenanigans, even if it did keep Crockett & Tubbs employed.

With operation “Just Cause” (a name Bush came up with at retreat called “Operation: Lame Names”) the US invaded Panama (because invading is what we do) and deposed Noriega (because deposing is what we also do.  Ain’t that right, Chile?).  

A separate operation to keep Noriega from escaping was deployed.  This was Operation “Nifty Package.”  No.  Really.  Bush got his money’s worth at that retreat.

Noriega ended up holed up in a mission set up by the Vatican.  He came in and claimed sanctuary, just like Quasimodo.

To flush him out, the US used what is called Music Torture.  A fleet of Humvees mounted with loudspeakers rolled in, and blasted music, 24 hours a day, in this densely populated area.  I believe it was Operation “Neat-o Tunes.”

The playlist included The Clash, Van Halen, U2, Bruce Cockburn, Guns-n-Roses and The Doors.

Thee Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff maintains that the music was used principally to prevent parabolic microphones from being used to eavesdrop on negotiations.  In other words: they lied.  Again.  It’s what they do.  (Ain’t that right, Weapons of Mass Destruction?)

After ten days of this, Noriega surrendered.  It was later noted that if country “music” was played, the standoff would have only lasted two hours.  But we couldn’t do that to the brave soldiers manning the Humvees.

Noriega then spent his time traveling the world.  He stayed in Jails in the US, France and… well, Panama.

Later that year, “Miami Vice” was then cancelled.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Then Noriega died.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Their swath through 80s mediocrity continues!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Advertisements

Former Mayor of Washington DC and librarian, Marion Barry died at the spry age of 78.

In 1977, Barry was shot by radical Hanafi Muslims when they overran the District Building.  This was during the Hanafi Muslim Siege in which hostages were held by the terrorists for two days.  Do you remember that?  Is that in any history books?  You’d think that we would remember that shit.  I mean, as a nation.

But do we?

No.

Marion Barry will be remembered for what he did in 1990.

In 1990, Barry changed Canadian politics forever.  At that time, a 21-year-old Rob Ford looked on with awe and thought, “if he can do it, than I can too!”

By then, Barry was mayor of DC, which is not an enviable job.  The stresses really got to him and he needed an outlet.  He found that outlet, like so many of us, in smoking crack cocaine.  This made good political sense because he could buy local and support small businesses in his area.

As a matter of fact, the FBI and DC police caught him smoking crack.  On surveillance video.  This did not look good for the Mayor.  Especially when he said  “Bitch set me up…I shouldn’t have come up here…goddamn bitch!”

After his arrest and through his trial, Barry continued as mayor.  Which is pretty ballsy, if you ask me.  I mean, Nixon didn’t even get caught on video surveillance.

That year, he decided not to run for re-election… which seems wiser.  It seemed to be the end for Mr Barry.  The public

"Did I do THAAT?" - Marion Barry (later co-opted by Steven Urkel)

“Did I do THAAT?” – Marion Barry (later co-opted by Steven Urkel)

knew that crack was wack and wanted no part of it! …or did they?

In ‘94, motherfucker ran again for mayor!  Barry ran under the slogan “He May Not Be Perfect, But He’s Perfect for D.C.”  Man, I thought not resigning was ballsy.  But this shit just got brass-ballsy.

Predictably, he was destroyed in the election.  I mean, come on, who want’s a crack addict holding publi-  hold on…      what’s that?       Motherfucker WON?!?!  Holy crap!  There is hope for the return of Rob Ford afterall!

Ford in… what-ever-the-hell-year-Toronto-is-next-electing-their-mayor!

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Our second hit puts Sushi just 40 points behind the leader… you better be careful: Jami hates sushi.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Robin William’s son, Jonathan Winters, died at the spry age of 87.

Image

If you don’t think that this man was funny, you are a fucking moron.

“I remember him coming out of his egg like it was yesterday,” A tearful Williams shared at a press conference before doing a line of coke and telling penis jokes for an hour.  You know how that guy is, once he gets going….

Winters’ estranged mother, Pam Dawber, could not be reached for comment because, frankly, no one has heard from her since 1989.  Apparently, the filming of “Do You Know the Muffin Man,” really took its toll on her.

Winters did live long enough to finish his work on the much anticipated Smurfs 2.  Director Martin Scorsese said, “and it’s a good thing too because nobody could embody, nobody could become Papa Smurfthe wayWintersdid.Hehadacertainjenesaisquoi thatyoujustcouldn’tfidineveryactor …”  the rest could not be understood because Scorsese was drinking an espresso at the time and the rest of his tribute was lost to rapidity.

This hit goes to: The New Dick in Town!  Yes, he continues to earn his title because he stole Winters from Jami!  Again!  Man, what a dick.  Clearly, his strategy of raiding other people’s lists continues to piss people off.  So… good luck with that.

When reached for comment, Jami’s said <<enter silent, cold glare here>>.  Uh-oh.

With this hit, NDIT breaks into the world of triple digits and is only behind the leaders by 20 points.  But don’t worry, Nancy Reagan will die and that’ll give me… OK, I need more than Nancy over here.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 120 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10)

The New Dick in Town – 100 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Joanne – 60 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

Gianna – 50 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40)

Babysitter – 40 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20)

Council of Geeks – 40 (Richard Griffiths – 40)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)