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Tag Archives: court

…to DIE!

Judge Joseph A. Wapner, “The People’s Judge,” definitely died at the spry age of 93.

He definitely  died a full 5,431 days after his faithful bailiff, Rusty.  Wapner definitely never loved Rusty.  Yeah, definitely.

Wapner definitely presided over the syndicated “The People’s Court” (as opposed to the US courts which are clearly there for corporations and definitely not people) from 1981-1993.

Wapner proved himself to be a firm, reassuring paragon of fairness and efficacy in the application of the law.  And no, I did not write that sentence.  

In high school, Wapner definitely dated Lana Turner.

Wait-  WHAT!?!??!  He dated Lana Turner!?!?  

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Boy, if drinking it is a sentence, it’s gotta be good!

The guys in law school probably thought Wapner was full of shit.  “Yeah, suuuuure you dated Lana Turner… and you were probably bangin’ Joan Fontaine on the side.”

Thanks to the success of Wapner and the people’s court, we now have sayings like, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

Man, we’ve definitely gone down hill.

Wapner was one of the most trusted people in America.  He parlayed this into selling root beer.

I know, right?

This hit goes to: Joanne!  It’s been a rough year for Joanne so far.  This is her 1st hit!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, Devid Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

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Former boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter is boxed up at the spry age of 76.

Carter was wrongly convicted of triple homicide and spent 19 years in prison before his conviction was overturned.

Folk-hack and Llewyn Davis wanna-be, Bob Dylan wrote some crappy song about him that he then sang through his nose.  The Rolling Stone review said that the song was “blowing in the wind, like a fart.”  God, why did Dylan even try…

Carter founded Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted, which inspired groups like The Innocence Project which is full of whiny liberals who should just quit complaining and have simple blind faith that our system works perfectly and that our prisons work hard to rehabilitate those in need, making them better people to live in this world happily after being released from the rigorous program many years later.

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Bob Dylan showing up 15 minutes before Spencer Gifts opens.

Jeeze, is that too much to ask?

Carter told CNN three years ago that prison allowed him to do two things: shed the illusions and anger that spurred his youthful delinquency, and come to the realization that his destiny might lie in fighting for justice.

It was then he donned his cape and became “The Hurricane!”  He used his super-powers of blowing a sustained 95 mile an hour wind to take down criminals who let others take the fall for them.  The vigilante was wanted by the cops and feared by the criminals.  Nobody could know his secret identity of mild-mannered former boxer and crusader for justice… or it’s back to jail for him.

This hit goes to:  seriously?  In her motif of people who have had movies made about their lives, Jami strikes a non-overdose hit on this one!  And we all know Jami’s mantra: once a  former-boxer-wrongly-incarcerated-for-killing-three-people-only-to-be-overturned-19-years-later-and-get-pancreatic-cancer, always a former-boxer-wrongly-incarcerated-for-killing-three-people-only-to-be-overturned-19-years-later-and-get-pancreatic-cancer.

At 190 points, Jami has a 90 point lead over 2nd place and is one hit away from the 200 mark.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Starving Writer – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

Tailgating with Jesus – 60 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10)

“Imaginary” Steve: 50 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Babysitter: 40 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10 )

SPMI: 40 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House) – 30 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

Dora the Explorer: 20 (Jeremiah Denton – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 20 (Ralph Waite – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)