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Tag Archives: Dead Pool

Boxing’s “Raging Bull,” Jake LaMotta, died at the spry age of 95.

His fiancée of 25 years, Denise Baker, said he died of dysphagia pneumonia.  And I really think that after 25 years, you’re no longer a fiancée .  You are merely the girl-who-Jake-strung-along-for-a-decade-and-a-half.

A fiancée gets married to a guy or becomes an ex-fiancée.  What, was he waiting to turn 100?  How the hell did he pull this shit off?

Is now a good time to mention that she’s 30 years younger than him?  I’m sorry guys, but going after women who are that much younger… just fucking creepy.  When he was 40 did he look for dates in the 4th grade?  Because that’s the age difference.  There is no age where that does not become creepy.

LaMotta was famously the subject of the classic Martin Scorsese movie film, “Raging Bull.”  That’s the film that guys will watch because it’s about boxing yet lament how it

Lamotta

See, even she thinks it’s creepy.

should be in color because guys are fucking idiots.

Robert Deniro, who won an Oscar portraying LaMotta, famously gained 500 pounds for the role.  To which Christian Bale said, “hold my beer.”

Married seven times, LaMotta once quipped, “My first wife died from eating mushrooms. My second wife died from eating mushrooms. My third wife died of a skull fracture. She refused to eat the mushrooms.”

Ha ha ha ha!  You’re such an abusive, murderous husband!  You know it’s bad when a guy makes Andy Capp look like husband of the year.

This hit goes to: Marianne!  She can now say, “Hey, at least I’m beating Joanne!”

Erin remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 140 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20, Pete Domenici – 20)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 40 – (Sir John Hurt – 30, Jake Lamotta – 10)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

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Former basketball coach for the Michigan State Spartans, Jud Heathcote (no relation to Hirsh), died at the spry age of 90.

The Spartans weren’t a fancy team.  They tended to be more frugal than the other teams, often shunning luxury.

Heathcote really just did one, single thing as a coach: he recruited Magic Johnson.  After that, he just rode Magic’s coattails.

Don’t believe me?  Well, his 1995 autobiography is entitled Jud: A Magical Journey.  That

heathcote

He requested to be buried in this jacket.

title means one of two things: either Magic Johnson was his whole career or the motherfucker had some serious unicorns in his life.

When Johnson went pro, his reaction was: “I thought of two things: Vomit or suicide. And I might still do both.”

Heathcote retired as the winningest coach in the school’s history.  A record he held onto until… his replacement broke it.

So, the whole reason that I’m writing this update is because this schlemiel talked some kid into going to a certain school.

Man, basketball sucks.

This hit goes to: Jodi and Husband!  Their second hit gives them 30 points!  Don’t despair, there’s always next year…

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 30 (Bill Dana – 20, Jud Heathcote – 10)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Brick shithouse and rugby player Sir Colin Meads died at the spry age of 81.

He was given the nickname “Pinetree” because he was a player no one could fell (New Zealandian for “Couldn’t be knocked over”).

Early in his career he described himself as a “country hick in the big time.”  So… he liked country music?

He saw himself as a father first, a farmer second and an All Black incidentally.  He saw that last one incidentally because the motherfucker was a white guy.  Who do you think you are?  Rachel Dolezal?

He played Rugby in new Zealand for 14 years where he broke his back, broke his arm, and was viciously kicked in the head as he lay on the ground.  

None of these injuries ended his career.  You know why?  He was a fucking rugby player!

Sir Colin Meads

Now that’s a man who knows that LeBron James is nothing but a weak-ass little pussy.

Meads’ 55 caps were a world record.  I mean, that’s a lot of hats… but a world record?  I hardly think so.  I mean, there’s a guy who owns over 100,000 hats today.  

His trademark was running with the ball in one hand.  His grip was secure because he had scarlet fever when he was nine & it left him with fingers of both hands slightly clawed in.  OK, Rugby players never cease to amaze me.  This guy took his scarlet fever and turned it into an advantage!  Do NOT fuck with these guys!

This obscure pick goes to: Wes.    …dick.

He is now tied with me for the lead.  My beautiful lead!  Already destroyed!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Nice LADY!

Writer, Director and star of “The Day the Clown Cried,” Jerry Lewis, now gets to pester Dean Martin again because he died at the spry age of 91.

France released a statement saying that without Lewis, the United States is officially worthless.

Lewis became a star when he and Dean Martin started an act together.  Lewis was enamored with Martin because Dino was everything he was not: handsome, self-assured and deeply, unshakably cool.  I mean, he was Dean-fucking-Martin.

Dino would croon some tunes while Jerry capered around the stage doing hilarious things like… crossing his eyes… or talking like Fran Drescher.

Their act was a dialectic between adult and infant, assurance and anxiety, bitter experience and wide-eyed innocence that generated a powerful image of postwar America, a gangly young country suddenly dominant on the world stage. [And if you

young-jerry-lewis2

Hilarious.

think that I wrote that, you think way too much of my intellect.]

Martin and Lewis went on to make 16 films together where Lewis became a live-action extension of the anarchic characters, like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

Over time, Dino got sick of Jerry.  Mainly because Dino was too cool to hang out with the likes of Jerry Lewis.  But he also resented how Lewis was always the center of attention.  Dino struck out on his own.  He did pretty good without Jerry.

Lewis continued to make movies eventually moving into the director’s chair.  He directed “The Bellboy,” “The Ladies Man,” and “The Nutty Professor.”  Now, I have never seen “The Nutty Professor,” or it’s 1996 remake starring Eddie Murphy.  But I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that the original was much better.

All this culminated to his legendary 1972 film, “The Day the Clown Cried.”  

If you’ve never heard of this movie, it’s probably because it was never released.  The writer of the original story thought that the movie sucked and fought to not release it.  In the end, Lewis himself refused to release it because he said it was so bad.  Embarrassingly bad.  “Battlefield Earth” bad.

The movie is about a German clown, Helmut Doork, who tries to cheer kids up in a concentration camp… as he leads them to the gas chamber.

Now you want to see it, don’t you?

Member of Spinal Tap, Harry Shearer, claims to have seen the movie.  He said, “seeing this film was really awe-inspiring, in that you are rarely in the presence of a perfect object. This was a perfect object. This movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. ‘Oh, My God!’—that’s all you can say.”

Lewis gave a copy of this to the National Archive as long as they promised not to show it until 2025.

So… movie night at my house in eight years!

Oh, and he raised a shitload of money for Muscular Dystrophy.  

This hit goes to: WES!   …dick.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 150 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Swedish opera tenor, Nicolai Gedda, died at the spry age of 91.

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a waitress and a Russian, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in Stockholm by providence, impoverished in squalor, grow up to be an tenor opera singer?

I have no idea.  Read his goddamned autobiography if you’re that interested.  I’m sticking to Wikipedia.

Gedda was widely admired for his sensitive musicianship, masterly tonal control and impeccable diction.  Is it me or does all that sound just a little bit dirty?

Over a quarter-century, he sang 367 performances with the Metropolitan Opera, which means that this lazy jackass only worked about one day a month.  I’m so sick of these damn welfare queens!  Just mooching off the system.  Lazy tax-stealing bastards.

His roles included Des Grieux in Massenet’s “Manon,” Hoffmann in Offenbach’s “Les Contes d’Hoffmann,” Nemorino in Donizetti’s “L’Elisir d’Amore,” Ernesto in his “Don

Gedda-Nicolai-3

Was Bill Murray always that fat?

Pasquale,” Roméo in Gounod’s “Roméo et Juliette,” Connard in Écrivain Prétentieux’s “Mots Aléatoire” Edgardo in his “Lucia di Lammermoor,” and the title role in Berlioz’s “Benvenuto Cellini.”

I know exactly one of these roles.  Another one is made up.  You’ll have to use Google Translator to see which one.

One reviewer once said that Gedda’s voice was “an ideal union of responsiveness to word and musical line, a demonstration of vocal and technical mastery and varied and beautiful tone, and an expression of wise and” -Oh my God, this is why everyone hates opera!

This hit goes to:  Really?  Babysitter again?  He now has 100 points!  He made triple digits!  And all because he Googled his list.  The rugby player died way back in February and this guy in January.

Word to the wise: Google your list every now and then.

Erin remains at… wait, let me do the math… [carry the one… …factor in the variance of population data… aaaand…] …zero points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

South African bad-ass Joost van der Westhuizen died at the spry age of 45.  [45!?!?! Shit!  I hope Babysitter didn’t have him!]

Why was he a bad-ass?  Let’s start with the fact that he was an internationally renowned [yes, he went through the painful nouning process] rugby player.  Frankly, you could start AND end with that.

Have you ever played rugby?  No you haven’t.  Neither have I.  You know why?  We’re fucking pussies, that’s why!  We can act all high and mighty with our American Football.  With our helmets and our shoulderpads.

You know what rugby doesn’t have?  Helmets.  You know what else it doesn’t have?  Mother-fucking shoulder pads!

The only protection you need in rugby is the ability of kicking the crap out of the other guy before he kicks the crap outta you.

Another reason he was bad-ass?   He was diagnosed with MND (I’m assuming a disease with long words that I don’t understand… Multitudinous Narciratic Disease?) in 2011, he was given just a couple of years to live (because MND is some serious shit).

He said, “fuck that,” and lived for another six years!  And in that time, he raised money

Joost

Joost playing a round of “Who’s thumb is that?”

to fight MND.  (Mandible Neurosis Disease?)

Another reason he was a bad-ass?  Van der Westhuizen won 89 caps for the Springboks scoring scored an astonishing 38 tries!  Ok, I really have no idea what the hell that means.

Van Der Westhuizen redefined scrum half play!  Scrum whole play was undisturbed by his career.

This hit goes to:  Aw, crap!   It is Babysitter!  The sitter of babies gets 60 damn points for this one, putting him at 90 points.  Still not triple digits, but OK, I guess.

Erin remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 90 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Country “singer” who fused country “music” with pop music (thanks a lot for that, asshole), Glen Campbell died at the spry age of 81.

Campbell died of Alzheimer’s disease: the disease that you need to be constantly reminded that you have.

Named after soup, Campbell was born in Arkansas, to a sharecropping family. “We used to watch TV by candlelight,” Campbell told Rolling Stone in 2011.  Apparently people in Arkansas are so dumb, they do not realize that televisions emit their own light.  That’s why they’re 41st in education!

With hits like “Rhinestone Cowboy,” “Wichita Lineman” and “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” he sold over 45 million records.  But let’s face it: he was still just a country “music” singer.  So, he lowered the bar for intelligence for five decades.  Again, thanks a lot, pal.

In 1968, he outsold The Beatles.

Campbell

Campbell made the unforgivable faux pas by criticizing Stevie Wonder’s playing by saying, “What the fuck, are you blind or something?”

Let’s take a look at that though, shall we?  The Beatles released one album that year: The Beatles (aka “The White Album” for those people who should already fucking know anyway).  That was released on November 22.  So, that means that they had 39 days (not even four scaramuccis) of album sales for a new album.  Their previous album, Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, was released in June of the previous year.  So it was on the market for over six months when 1968 rolled around.

Glen Campbell, while an admittedly popular “singer,” released FIVE-fucking-albums in 1968!  So, all he really did was saturate the damn market.  Outsold The Beatles… fuck you, Campbell!

This hit goes to: Babysitter!  He claws his way up to 30 points!  A mere 140 points behind the leader (which is me!)!

Erin remains at zero points.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Babysitter: 30 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Depressed, Obese, singing alcoholic Barbara Cook died at the spry age of 89.

Hey, don’t blame me, the failing New York Times came up with that litany in their obit.

Cook became a Kennedy Center Honoree in 2011.  Ah, the Kennedy Center Honorees… always great Ghoul Pool fodder.

On Broadway, she originated the role of Marion the librarian in “The Music Man,” starred in “Candide” (1956) and revivals of “Carousel” (1957), “The King and I” (1960) and “Show Boat” (1966).  All of which I have heard of.

She also appeared in nonmusical roles, including “Any Wednesday” (1965) and “Little Murders” (1967).  Neither of which I have heard of.

Her private life was a little… less-celebrated.   By the late ’60s she drank more and

cook

Cook, before the depressed, obese, alcoholic stage of her life.

worked less. She acknowledged in an interview in 2005, that she was virtually unemployable, an alcoholic mired in depression. She went on eating binges and grew to 250 pounds.  See, the failing New York Times was right in their assessment..

“I was not some lady drunk,” she said. “I was a real non-functioning alcoholic. Dishes, always in the sink. The kitchen a mess. The bathroom a mess. Everything a mess.”  Um, isn’t that just college?

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  This time, I do not have to remind myself that this is Pirate’s hit because she just got one, like, five minutes ago!

Pirate breaks the triple digit point, along with five others.

To reach said threshold, Erin, has about 100 points to go!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Babysitter: 10 – (June Foray – 10)

Haruo Nakajima, the first actor to play Godzilla, died at the spry age of 88.

In 1954, Nakajima starred in the 1st Godzilla movie and he had a small part in Akira Kurosawa’s masterpiece “Seven [*ya-a-a-w-wn*] Samurai.”  That’s kinda running the gamut [an annoying artsy-fartsy movie and miniature destruction porn (a precursor to today’s destruction-porn)] with only two movies!

Mr. Nakajima would eventually put on the 200 pound rubber monster costume 12 times from 1954 to 1972 in a series of movies that became an international phenomenon.  Not a very entertaining phenomenon, but still popular enough.  Kinda like the Kardashians.  

Wearing a hot, heavy suit beneath bright lights had him sweating so much, he said, that at the end of a day’s shooting he could wring enough perspiration from his undershirt to fill half a bucket.  God, that’s disgusting.  If you smell carefully, you can still smell the stink from that suit from here.

To perfect the monster’s destructive gait, Mr. Nakajima spent hours at the zoo studying

Godzilla

Nakajima, shown here dehydrated and passing out.

how elephants and bears walked. He wanted the monster to be believable.  I mean, it didn’t work because a Nick Cage performance is more believable.  But, He did pretty good for a guy in 200 pounds of latex.

 

Truth is, he could only stay inside the suit for three minutes before passing out.  That meant that they couldn’t do any of those Alfonso Cuarón ten-hour tracking shots.

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror, which I have to yet again remind myself, is NOT Nathaniel!  Especially with such a geek-cred pick.

As a note: there is only one person without a hit.  How does it feel, Erin?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 90 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Babysitter: 10 – (June Foray – 10)

Former all-star catcher for the Philadelphia Phillies, Darren Daulton, died at the spry age of 55.

Daulton had battled brain cancer since 2013. He had two tumors removed in 2013, but was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer that also killed his former teammate Tug McGraw and former coach John Vukovich.  

So…. contagious?  Are we looking at some kind of Outbreak situation?  Are we all gonna die from brain cancer because we are only separated by six degrees?

The long-haired Daulton, nicknamed “Dutch,” was beloved by Phillies fans and respected by teammates despite his insistence that everyone split the check.

After retiring from baseball, his life took a turn.

He was arrested for a DUI, then his license was suspended the next time for refusing to take the breathalyzer test.  He was also arrested for battery against his wife.

Daulton

Daulton was alway business in the front and party in the back.

He divorced and married professional golfer Amanda Dick because, “I always wanted a wife with a dirty name.”

But that’s not all: he also wrote a book about numerology and the occult!  If They Only Knew by Darren Daulton is available on Amazon for $16.50 on paperback or $4.99 for your Kindle.

“Daulton delves into issues of ascension, such as dimensions and levels of consciousness, the Mayan Calendar and December 21, 2012, creating one’s own reality and a lot more.”

What the fuck, dude?  Just catch the damned ball and throw it back to the pitcher.  Don’t tell me about picking the next pitch by utilizing the hidden powers of the fibonacci sequence.  

Plus, why didn’t you just create your own reality where you didn’t have brain cancer?

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes!  I take the lead in the Ghoul Pool!  Lee Kwang Soo!  Lee Kwang Soo!  Lee Kwang Soo!

Of course, this means that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi will soon be proven to be alive to take the lead away.  But for now: the most reliable sources are still saying he’s dead.  And he hasn’t picked up his Subway order form eight months ago, so….

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Babysitter: 10 – (June Foray – 10)