Skip navigation

Tag Archives: film

Chris Sizemore, aka Strawberry Lady, aka The Blind Lady aka The Purple Lady, aka The Banana Split Girl, aka The Retrace Lady aka… about 17 more of them, died at the spry age of 89 back in July (Google those lists, people!).  

Now, you’re thinking that this is clearly some sort of comedian or actor who performed many different roles.  Nope.  She had multiple-personality disorder (which is actually now called “Dissociative identity disorder.”  But I’m pretty far behind the times).

This was thought to come about from a series of traumatic childhood experiences:  She was unnerved at the sight of her mother badly cut in a kitchen accident. She saw a man severed in three by machinery. She saw a drowned man pulled from a ditch. A baby cousin’s funeral was particularly awful for her, and she recalled attending it with an imaginary friend, a flame-haired child with bright eyes.

So, not the happiest of childhoods… I mean, it was probably worse than the common “We

sizemore

Chris Sizemore with three of her good friends.

didn’t have HBO growing up” gripe.

Some doctors took advantage of her disorder and wrote books about her and got her to sign away the movie rights to her life for $7,000.  Real classy guys.

When they had her sign away the rights to her life (lives?), they had each of her personalities sign the contract.  Really.  By my math, she should have gotten $154,000 if you figure seven G for each personality.

From that, the classic movie “The Three Faces of Eve” was made in 1957.  Joanne Woodward went on to win an oscar for her portrayal of Eve and her three faces.  Chris Sizemore still only got her $7,000.

She liked to correct the film (and book of the same name) by telling people that she had 22 personalities instead of the basic three.

There was the Strawberry Lady, who was 21 and ate strawberries to the exclusion of all else. The Banana Split Girl was a temperamental child who would only consume that dessert. There was the Purple Lady, an arthritic 58-year-old who wore white wigs and purple dresses. The Virgin wore no makeup and could not stand to be touched by her husband. The Spoon Lady collected spoons. The Blind Lady could not see. There was the Retrace Lady who never liked to take the same route twice.

While not related to Tom Sizemore she may at one time thought that she was Tom Sizemore.

This hot goes to: Jami!  Jami happened to Google the name because she forgot who the hell Chris Sizemore was.  This happens to me a lot… but no one is really surprised by that.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: Draft night is 11/5 – a mere 12 days away!

Current Standings:

Jami: 210 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10, Edward Albee – 20, Chris Sizemore)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20, Buckwheat Zydeco – 40)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Harmony: 100 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30, Gene Wilder – 20, Arnold Palmer – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Gianna: 80 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20, Herschell Gordon Lewis – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Imaginary Steve: 20 – (King Bhumibol Adulyadej – 20)

Advertisements

Mickey Rooney, diminutive, (but not a midget) actor died at the spry age of 93.

Mickey Rooney’s career lasted for over 80 years, spanning 9 decades.  He made over 300 movies… according to my father-in-law… who’s had some wine… But his IMDb page is half of the internet.

Some of his greatest hits were “Phantom of the Megaplex,” “Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker,” “The Carebears Movie,”  and who can forget “Evil Roy Slade.”

Image

This man slept with at least eight women.

He made a series of movies as Andy Hardy during the depression, and his accessible charm helped make him the greatest box office draw in Hollywood.  Stop and think about that: Mickey Rooney.  He was basically, the Will Smith of his day.

His first gig in show business came at the age of two when he wore a mini tuxedo in his parent’s vaudeville show.  He said that the lights on the stage felt like his “mother’s womb,” and he fell in love with show business.  Suddenly, his entire career seems just fucking creepy.   Ewww…

Rooney was also always racially sensitive in his movies.  Whenever his characters put on a minstrel show, he always felt a responsibility to play a “realistic darkie,” when he put on the blackface.

He will always be remembered for his groundbreaking role in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” where he played Mr. Yunioshi.  “I really wanted to capture the modern Chink.  And I think Mr. Yunioshi made the Slant-Eye community proud.”  Yeah, The Asian community loved it every time he called Holly Golightly, “Miss Gorightry!”  And the fake teeth added a touch of class too.

This hit goes to: Babysitter!  He’s now caught in a tie with your’s truly.  But do not fret, I will take him down!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Starving Writer – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20)

Jami: 80 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60)

Tailgating with Jesus – 60 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Babysitter: 40 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10 )

SPMI: 40 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House) – 30 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20)

“Imaginary” Steve: 30 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

Dora the Explorer: 20 (Jeremiah Denton – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 20 (Ralph Waite – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

or

Shirley and the Temple of Doom

On Monday, Shirley Temple Black OD’d on a toxic cocktail of ginger ale and grenadine.  “A body can only take so much saccharine-sweetness before it revolts,” her doctor reported.  “And she already started with levels that were much higher than the norm.”  She might have also choked on a maraschino cherry… reports are sketchy.

In the 30s, Temple’s mother taught America that they can push their children into show business by forcing them into tap-dancing classes at age three.  Her legacy lives on today in reality TV shows like “Dance Moms.”  But don’t worry, she is currently burning in hell for this.

A talent scout signed Temple up to do a series of shorts that, later in life, she referred to being “sexist and racist.”  After seeing the black-face classic, “Don’t Let the Women or the Monkeys Vote,” I think that she was just reading into things.

Image

A shot of the true Shirley Temple: a stone-cold bitch.

She went on to be the top box office draw for four years in the 30s.  Which illustrates that voueristic peadophiles were the only people who had any money during the Great Depression.  

President Franklin D. Roosevelt called Temple “Little Miss Miracle” for raising the public’s morale during times of economic hardship, even going so far as to say that, “as long as our country has Shirley Temple, we will be all right.”

Well, now we don’t… so we’re pretty much screwed.

Black was a little cynical about her success.  “I class myself with Rin Tin Tin,” she once said, referring to the canine star. “They fell in love with a dog and a little girl.”  She also noted that she “stopped believing in Santa Claus at the age of six when my mother took me to see him in a store and he asked for my autograph.”

As Drew Barrymore can tell you, the trappings of fame and success can catch up with you at any age.  At the age of seven, Temple spiraled into a black, ringlet-of-a hole of drugs, alcohol and all-day suckers.

Taking drugs created a special set of obstacles for the tiny star.  “She couldn’t just snort the coke, that would ruin her cute little button nose,” fellow child actor Roddy McDowell shared in a 1972 interview.  “Freebasing was out of the question,.  Letting a little girl play with drugs and fire?  Well, that was too much, even for Hollywood.  No, we had to inject it.  But you can’t have her cute little baby arms riddled with track-marks.  So, we injected it between her toes.  It was hell on her feet during her dance numbers, but she was usually too high to give a crap anyway.”  

Hey, she made 43 features in 15 years, she had to keep up somehow.

She was credited with helping save 20th Century Fox from bankruptcy.  Partly because of her box office and partly because she wasn’t afraid to get a little rough with the creditors.  Darryl F. Zanuck wrote in his autobiography: “I had never seen a five-year-old wield a crowbar like that little girl.  If I was being bothered by some collector, I just had to make one call and, BAM!, they’re collecting busted kneecaps.”

She retired from film at the age of 21 so that she could concentrate more on her drinking.

Mostly Mike is in the black with this hit!  He gets on the board with a meager 20 points… but hey, that’s better than just having 10 points…. right, Jay?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: It has come to my attention that ONLY HALF of the Ghoul Poolers have paid Dawn-n-Mike (but mostly Mike) for their win.  I strongly suggest remedying this situation before I publicly humiliate you!  I’m not one to go around collecting money or anything, but HALF?!?!  Come on, people!  Don’t make me start collecting on draft night!  You have been warned.  I’m kinda pissed about this.

Dawn-n-Mike

84 Railroad St.

Littleton, NH  03561

Make checks payable to either Dawn Lambert or Mike Young.

Current Standings:

Jami: 80 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60)

Gianna 60 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Starving Writer – 40 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House) – 30 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus – 30 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 30 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20 )

“Imaginary” Steve: 30 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

SPMI: 30 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

Before there was CGI, there was clay.  Before there was James Cameron, there was Ray Harryhausen.  But now: there is no Ray Harryhausen.

Image

Harryhausen, center, showing off the original Ed Grimley look.

Special Effects guru who worked on movies from Mighty Joe Young (The 1949 version, not the 1998 piece of shit with Bill Paxton.  Bill, you are no Ben Johnson!) to the 1981 classic, “Clash of the Titans” (Not the 2010 piece of shit with Liam Neeson.  Liam, you are no Laurence Olivier!) died at the spry age of 92.

Harryhausen (“Ray Double-H,” or “Ray Hey-Hey!” to his friends) revolutionized film and special effects.  He made Hollywood question what they couldn’t do.  Now they think they can do anything.  And they so can’t.  Don’t believe me?  Watch “The Smurfs Movie.”  And by “The Smurfs Movie,” of course I mean “Avatar.”

Image

Wait, there was a giant pterodactyl in this movie? Hm. I didn’t notice.

His special effects were as memorable in “One Million Years B.C.” as Raquel Welch’s cleavage.  Ok.  I’m exaggerating a little there.  Git SOME!

Steven Spielberg once said, “Without Harryhausen’s effects work over the last five decades, there never would have been a ‘Star Wars’ or a ‘JurassicPark.’”  Unfortunately, we then must blame Harryhausen for the Star Wars prequels or the JurasicPark sequels. 

*fist shaking in the air* HARRYHAUSEEEEN!

Harryhausen was 13 when he saw “King Kong” (The 1933 version, not the 2005 piece of shit with Jack Black.  Jack, you’re no Robert Armstrong!  You’re no Fay Wray either!) during its run at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood and that changed everything for him.

This hit goes to Giann—- what wait?  Gianna didn’t have this?  This is such a Gianna pick…. Then it must be: Council of Geeks (new season filming this summer)!

Yes, The Council convened and decided that it was much likelier for Harryhousen to day than, say, Leonard Nimoy.  This puts The Council at 50 points, which means that they are just 50 behind the New Dick in town!

So to celebrate, like them on Facebook and watch them on You-Tube!

Happy pooling,
SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 140 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10 – George Jones – 20)

Babysitter – 120 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20, Chi Cheng – 60, Pat Summerall – 20)

The New Dick in Town – 100 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20)

Gianna – 80 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40, E. L. Konigsburg – 20, Deanna Durbin – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Joanne – 60 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10)

Council of Geeks – 50 (Richard Griffiths – 40, Ray Harryhausen – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

 “Imaginary” Steve – 20 (Al Neuharth – 20)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)