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Tag Archives: Johnny Carson

Dr. Henry J. Heimlich became the latest person to avoid living under president Trump when he died at the spry age of 96.

Heimlich invented this… sort of  maneuver that is used to help someone when they are choking.  The name of the maneuver escapes me right now.  …I’ll think of it.

Heimlich’s maneuver (The Flanking Maneuver?) is credited with saving an estimated 100,000 lives.  

In the 1970s, choking was the sixth-leading cause of accidental death in America: some 4,000 fatalities annually, many of them children.  Today that number is down to about 2,500.  [According to Google… and the internet is always right.]  I mean, that’s still a lot…


Heimlich always dreamed of putting the maneuvers on Johnny Carson.

but less!

People saved by the maneuver (The Orchestral Maneuver?) include Ronald Reagan, Edward I. Koch, Elizabeth Taylor, Goldie Hawn, Cher, Walter Matthau, Halle Berry, Carrie Fisher, Jack Lemmon, John Chancellor and Dick Vitale.

Well, Dick Vitale dying wouldn’t have been so bad…

Heimlich used it himself this year.  On May 23 he saved the life of Patty Ris, an 87-year-old woman choking on meat [dirty] at their senior residence in Cincinnati. He said it was the first time he had ever used the maneuver (Defensive Spiral Maneuver?) in an emergency.

But Heimlich isn’t just known for his maneuver (The Arabesque?) he also invented mechanical aids for chest surgery that were widely used in the Vietnam War, procedures for treating chronic lung disease and methods for helping stroke victims relearn to swallow.  That last one is just plain dirty.

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes, I found out this guy was alive a few years ago and was amazed that he was never drafted!  I now have a whopping 30 points!

And I just realized that Babysitter has zero.  So, that’s nice.

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Wes: 60 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 30 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10)

Josh: 30 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10)

Jami: 30 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)


Long-time talk show host and man credited with creating the modern late night talk show, Joe Franklin, died at the spry age of 88.

Franklin started his talk show in 1950.  He was a fixture on late-night radio and TV in New York, working at WJZ and WOR, and recently at the Bloomberg Radio Network.  Wait… recently?  He was still working?!?

I used to hold Franklin over every year… until I realized that I was in a room full of people who did not know who Joe Franklin was, nor did they care.  So, I started drafting him around round 15 or 20.

No longer will fellow draftees have to hear the story about me shaking his cold-dead hand.

Franklin shown in his office on a special episode of "Hoarders" that aired 15 years after Franklin's actual death.

Franklin shown in his office on a special episode of “Hoarders” that aired 15 years after Franklin’s actual death.

That being said: I met Joe Franklin at a Senior Citizen trade show in Atlantic City in 2000.  He was being lead around by a handler because the man was a shuffling corpse.  I shook his hand and it, literally, was a weak, cold, dead hand that I touched.  I swore that the man was decomposing there on the spot.  I half expected flesh to come sliding off as I took my hand away.

“The last two weeks were the first time he ever missed a broadcast in over 60 years” friend and former producer Steve Garrin said in a statement.  The last two weeks?  How is this physically possible?!?

Franklin is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Longest Running Continuous On-Air TV Talk Show Host, more than a decade longer than Johnny Carson’s legendary run.  Everyone around New York knew who this guy was.  They even did a SNL skit in him (which was great).  He was a New York legend.

“Joe went unexpectedly and passed away Saturday night,” Garrin said.  “Unexpectedly?”  Are you fucking kidding me??!?!  Joe Franklin died in the 90s and you are just realizing it now!

If you said” Joe passed away Saturday night.  He was unexpectedly 88,” THAT I can believe!

I can’t believe that he was only 88 years old!  That’s fucking crazy!  As a teenager Franklin followed Al Jolson around.  Al-fucking-JOLSON!  Come on!  And he was only 88?  Now that shit is what one might call unexpected.

According to his website, he interviewed over 300,000 people.  But even more impressive was his cameo in “Ghostbusters.”  God, that movie is great.

This hit brings me up to 30 points!  Still far from Jami’s 70, but within striking distance of Bean!

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Tailgating with Jesus: 40 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – (Joe Cocker – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 20 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)


“A Rivers Runs Through it.”

Either way, Melissa River’s Recycling bin just got real full.

Comedic icon and queen of plastic surgery, Joan Rivers, eventually died at the spry age of 81.

In 1965, Rivers became prominent after an appearance on “The Tonight Show” with Johnny Carson.  It was the beginning of a fruitful relationship that would last her entire life…. until she pissed off Johnny.

Rivers learned something that few people in Hollywood ever knew: Do not fuck with Johnny Carson.  

The many faces of Joan Rivers

The many faces of Joan Rivers

She was the permanent guest-host on the show and it was presumed that one day she would take the show over when Carson retired.  (That is, until a secret NBC memo listed the top 10 choices for replacement was leaked… and she was not on it.)  Their relationship was so good, that she referred to herself as “Johnny Carson’s daughter.”  

But, in 1986, Rivers signed with Fox to host “The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers,” which was to air up against “The Tonight Show.”  I mean, come on, it’s a guaranteed hit!  She claims that she called Johnny to tell him and that he hung up on her.  Johnny said that he learned about the show from Fox.

Carson never talked to her again.  She was banned from appearing on “The Tonight Show”, a decision respected by Carson’s first three successors Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno.  

“The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers,” was soon cancelled.  Her husband (the Producer of the show) committed suicide soon after.  It was a red letter year for the Rivers family.

Rivers went on, being rude, inappropriate and funny, setting an example for the likes of Sarah Silverman and Garfunkel and Oates.

She also continued to get plastic surgery over and over and over again, setting an example for the likes of Meg Ryan and Jennifer Grey, and Lara Flynn Boyle and Michael Jackson and Barry Manilow and Melanie Griffith and… man, the list does go on…

This hit goes to:  Erika!  Erika gets her first hit of the year!  Huzzah!  Now we only have two people without hits!

NOTE:  Draft Night is on November 1st!  Please let me know if you plan on coming.

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

“Imaginary” Steve (aka: The Arch-Bishop): 150 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20, Cardinal Francesco Marchisano – 20, Cardinal Edmund Szoka – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 140 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20, Don Pardo – 10)

Joanne: 110 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10, Richard Attenborough – 10)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna: 90 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0, Dick Smith – 10)

SPMI: 90 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30, Terry Richards – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 80 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10, Robin Williams – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 70 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20, James Brady – 30)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Dick in Town: 50 (Hiroo Onoda – 10, Dick “Dickie” Jones – 20, Elaine Stritch – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Erika: 20 (Joan Rivers – 20)

Nikki: 20 (Lauren Bacall – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)