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Tag Archives: NASCAR

Race car driver Sam Ard died at the spry age of 78.

Ard was a stock car driver in NASCAR’s XFINITY series in the eighties.  But then it was the Busch series.  But I guess advertising has changed, so the Busch series from the 80s has a new name retroactively.

I wonder if they had to change it on all the trophies too?  Did they send some guy out to re-do them at the driver’s home or did they have to bring the trophies in for service?

Did they use the same trophy vendor or are there licensed NASCAR trophy vendors throughout the nation that they could rely on.

Who pays to change it?  I would think that it would be part of the deal that XFINITY would have to pay for the changes.

There is so much about sports that I don’t know.

Ard

“Sam, what number you want on yer car?”  “I don’t know… count my teeth, we’ll go with that.”

Ard won a record 10 races in a season, which was ‘ard to do.   That record was later tied by… some guy with a southern drawl who donated $100,000 to Sam Ard’s health bills.

See, despite being a record-breaking race car driver and later a race car owner, Ard still lived in ‘Merica with it’s shitty, shitty healthcare system.

Over the years, NASCAR drivers would donate money to him to help him pay his medical bills.

I’m sure he didn’t find this embarrassing at all.

Ard suffered from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases, so he kept asking why he was shaking so much.

This hit goes to: Bean!  Which pisses me off because now he has more points than me.

Bastard.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Journalist and auto racer, Denise McCluggage died at the spry age of 88.

No, that 1st name isn’t Dennis, it’s Denice.  I know, right?  I thought Danica Patrick was the first female auto racer.

McCluggage (an Irish name derived from the sound one makes when chugging a pint of Guinness Stout) faced certain challenges as a journalist covering racing in the fifties because skirts weren’t allowed to interview racers.  “Let ‘em talk to the racers wives in the kitchen while hubby was out racing, see.  That’s what a good dame would do, see,” said… um… Fifties McSportscaster…

So, she decided that the best way to report it was to do it.  Advice that would later be followed by the likes of the “Mayflower Madam” in the 80s and Amy Fisher in 2001.

So, she donned a polka-dot helmet (‘cuz, you know: chick) and got behind the wheel of some car with letters or numbers for it’s name… a M320, 250, LXR or a TX6 or some shit.   I don’t know… why can’t the whole racing world be like NASCAR,

McCluggage, shown here talking to some fucking slob who didn't even have the decency to wear a fucking shirt!

McCluggage, shown here talking to some fucking slob who didn’t even have the decency to wear a fucking shirt!

where they drive Ford Fusions and Toyota Camrys?

Racing was perhaps the most macho of the sports, and the men she competed with never quite knew how to handle Denise McCluggage. They were always telling her to get coffee for the pit crew and assuming that she would do all the secretarial work.

“She was a babe,” long-term auto journalist Don Vorderman once recalled.  Meh, she was OK.

She raced with such greats as Dan Gurney, Phil Hill, Brock Yates, Briggs Cunningham, Clive Pachuk, Carroll Shelby, A.J. Foyt, Stirling Moss, two of which I have heard of… and one which I made up.  (Can you guess which one?)

After a while the good old boys didn’t seem to mind having the pretty little gal around.  Even with the girly helmet.

Then she grew old.  And died.

This hit goes to: Mary!  I don’t know who’s ass Mary pulled this pick out of, but the reach was worth it because she gets another 20 points!

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 150 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90)

Tailgating with Jesus: 120 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20)

Jami: 120 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Gianna: 70 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 60 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 40 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – ()

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

Winston Cup Driver (who never one a Winston Cup race), Dick Trickle Died of an apparent suicide.

In an emotional interview, his wife Darlene wept openly, tears dripping down, saying, “If he just went by ‘Richard,’ he’d still be alive today…”

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This card not only proves that there was someone by the name of Dick Trickle, but the autograph shows that he actually accepted that name.

NH Congressman, Dick Swett, released a statement today that read, simply, “I feel his pain.”

Dick Trickle was a fan favorite despite his losing ways.  But who wouldn’t root for a guy named Dick Trickle?  Or Dick Dribble, Dick Leak, Dick Stream, Dick Ooze… OK, no one would root for Dick Ooze.

When he was Eight-years-old, Dick Trickle was playing tag with his cousin Verlon (there’s a hayseed name if I ever heard one) on the rafters in a house under construction when he fell two floors to the basement and broke his hip.  Ever since then, he could only pee in little drops.

Dick Trickle was also known for his partying.  On the night before a race, he would party all night and sleep for only one hour.  Take that Bode Miller.  Although, this does explain his lack of wins.

“When you were with Dick Trickle, you were always gonna laugh!” stated some slack-jawed NASCAR garage grunt.  “Yup, Dick Trickle would always make you laugh ‘till you peed.”  He added through three rotted teeth, “Just a little bit.”

Dick Trickle was also a huge Halloween fan.  “Every year, I would do my house up all fancy-like and have the kids go through the haunted house,” Dick Trickle said in an interview in… oh, we’ll say… 1992.  “I would always be crouched behind a table, dressed as a zombie.  And just as the kids got their candy, I would jump up and scream at ‘em!  Ha ha, I just loved scarin’ the piss outta those little tykes.”

When asked what kind of underwear Trickle preferred, boxers or briefs, he thoughtfully replied, “that depends.”

“I remember when I first met Dick Trickle,” said an adoring fan on his blog, entitled Johnson Drivel, “I was so nervous, I jus’ ’bout peed my pants.”

OK, that’s all I got… wait, wait:

ImageHe appeared on a Sesame Street episode that was brought to you by P!

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes, your illustrious Ghoul Pool Administrator has been picking Dick Trickle for years now!  Thank God the New Dick in Town didn’t steal him!

I gotta say, when I found out about this hit, I was so excited… I peed a little.

Yes, I now have 40 points!  Which is about 30 more points than I expected this year… despite having Nancy Reagan, Abe Vigoda, Joe Franklin, Chick Yeager, Sid Caesar and Peter O’Toole on my list.  (Seriously, are they X-Men or something?)

I pull ahead of former Ghoul Pool juggernaut, “Imaginary” Steve (I-Steve, what happened?) and into… well something place.  I don’t fell like counting that high right now.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 140 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10,Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10 – George Jones – 20)

Babysitter – 120 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20, Chi Cheng – 60, Pat Summerall – 20)

The New Dick in Town – 120 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20, Jeanne Cooper – 20)

Joanne – 80 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10, Dr. Joyce Brothers – 20)

Gianna – 80 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40, E. L. Konigsburg – 20, Deanna Durbin – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Council of Geeks – 50 (Richard Griffiths – 40, Ray Harryhausen – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 40 – (Patty Andrews – 10, Dick Trickle – 30)

“Imaginary” Steve – 20 (Al Neuharth – 20)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)

“The Dean of American Motor Sports,” Chris Economaki died at the spry age of 91.

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Chris Economaki… or is that Darth Vader without his helmet? I need to research this…

I find it funny that the sport most associated with a lack of education has a Dean.  Is there a Dean of Chess?  A Dean of Cricket?  Baseball has Dizzy Dean… but he’s all wacky, so it doesn’t count.

One stereotype hold true: he was related to Robert E. Lee.  So, even though he was born in Brooklyn, he was a certified, bona fide red-neck.

He began is career in Motor Sports Journalism (there’s a phrase I’ve never used before) at the age of 13 selling copies of “National Speed Sport News,” which, in the same year, won the award for Worst Newspaper Name.

Over the years, he became editor and eventually owner of the paper, not once changing its name, until the last issue was published in 2001.  The publication is now online for people renting trailers who still find the money for Smart Phones.

He was awarded the 1990 NASCAR Award in Excellence for his ability to achieve the state of being excellent.  Which, for NASCAR, means that you brew the best corn whisky in the garage.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Yes, Bean got another hit.  But he’s still not a dick.  But he IS tied for second with Carol (who only wants to use the winnings to buy vodka for her son-in-law).

When asked what he would do if he overcame Jerica (in an exclusive interview with Ghoul Pool sources), Bean said, “I’d like to by my best friend from High School a great, big bottle of vodka with the winnings.”  See, told you he wasn’t a dick.

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Draft Day is a mere 34 days away!

Current Standings:

The Walls of Jerica: 190 (Duggar #20 – 100, Kim Jong Il – 40, John Demjanjuk – 10, Sun Myung Moon, 10, Herbert Lom – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 160 (Smokin’ Joe Frazier – 40, Joe Paterno – 20, Gary Carter – 50, Steve Sabol – 40, Chris Economaki – 10)

Carol: 160 (Davy Jones – 40, Dick Clark – 20, George Lindsey – 20, Don Grady – 40, Andy Griffith – 20, Celeste Holm – 10, William Asher – 10)

Sister Mary Sheila:  140 (Christopher Hitchens – 40, Adam “MCA”Yauch – 60, Kathryn Joosten – 30,  Yitzhak Shamir – 10)

Mary: 130 (Dr. Mel Goldstein – 40, Whitney Houston – 60, Sherman Hemsley – 30)

Gianna:  110 (Bill Keane – 20, Jonathan Frid – 20, Robin Gibb – 40, Gregory Powell – 30)

Pirate Jen “Occupy the Casket”:  100 (Anne McCaffrey – 20, Carroll Shelby – 20, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi – 40, Ray Bradbury – 10, Phyllis Diller)

“Imaginary” Steve: – 80 (Alan Sues – 20, Earl Scruggs – 20, Rauf Denktas – 20, Art Modell – 20)

Jami “MORGAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” McFeeley: – 60 (Harry Morgan – 10, Etta James – 30, Maurice Sendak – 20)

Schelle’y: – 30 (Chuck Colson – 20, Hellen Gurley Brown – 10)

Ann B. Davis: – 20 (Mike Wallace – 10, Ann Rutherford – 10)

Sean P. McFeeley I, Your Beloved Ghoul Pool Administrator: 20 (Neil Armstrong – 20)

Nathaniel – 10 (Ernest Borgnine – 10)