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Veteran character actor Bernard Fox died at the spry age of 89.

Bernie appeared as Dr. Bombay on 19 episodes of Bewitched, which ran from 1966-72.  He took a lot of credit for the role.  “If I’d just gone for an ordinary doctor, you wouldn’t have heard any more about it. But because I made him such a colorful character, that’s why they wanted him back.”

Yeah, it’s all about you, Bernie.  It’s not like the show had writers or anything…  Dude, you were in 19 episodes of a show that ran for eight seasons.

Fox reprised the role on the 1977 sequel Tabitha.  Tabitha was on the air for one season.  It

fox

“I can’t believe I’m being force to work with Billy-fucking-Zane!  I hate this movie!”

aired 10 years after the character was born but she was somehow in her 20s.  I guess her mom wiggled her nose through puberty.

He also reprised the role in 1999 for a few episodes of Passions.  [“Timmy’s down the bloody well!”]

His résumé also includes such awful movies as  Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977), The Private Eyes (1980), Yellowbeard (1983) and Titanic (1997). He specialized in playing upper-crust characters.

Fox is noted for having appeared in two Titanic films released 39 years apart.  The 1st, vastly superior version A Night to Remember from 1958 and Jame’s Cameron’s epic boil on the history of cinema’s ass, Titanic.  

[Here I am assuming A Night to Remember is vastly superior.  I have not seen the movie.  But how can it not be vastly superior to Cameron’s piece of crap?   Move over rose, you selfish bitch!  There’s plenty of room on that door for the love of your life!]

This hit goes to: Jami!  Jami is now tied for 2nd place and is a mere 30 points behind the leader.

Bean is still at ten points.  Good times.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 60 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10)

Josh: 30 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10)

Jami: 30 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 20 (Alice Drummond – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 10 – (Ralph Branca – 10)

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Chris Sizemore, aka Strawberry Lady, aka The Blind Lady aka The Purple Lady, aka The Banana Split Girl, aka The Retrace Lady aka… about 17 more of them, died at the spry age of 89 back in July (Google those lists, people!).  

Now, you’re thinking that this is clearly some sort of comedian or actor who performed many different roles.  Nope.  She had multiple-personality disorder (which is actually now called “Dissociative identity disorder.”  But I’m pretty far behind the times).

This was thought to come about from a series of traumatic childhood experiences:  She was unnerved at the sight of her mother badly cut in a kitchen accident. She saw a man severed in three by machinery. She saw a drowned man pulled from a ditch. A baby cousin’s funeral was particularly awful for her, and she recalled attending it with an imaginary friend, a flame-haired child with bright eyes.

So, not the happiest of childhoods… I mean, it was probably worse than the common “We

sizemore

Chris Sizemore with three of her good friends.

didn’t have HBO growing up” gripe.

Some doctors took advantage of her disorder and wrote books about her and got her to sign away the movie rights to her life for $7,000.  Real classy guys.

When they had her sign away the rights to her life (lives?), they had each of her personalities sign the contract.  Really.  By my math, she should have gotten $154,000 if you figure seven G for each personality.

From that, the classic movie “The Three Faces of Eve” was made in 1957.  Joanne Woodward went on to win an oscar for her portrayal of Eve and her three faces.  Chris Sizemore still only got her $7,000.

She liked to correct the film (and book of the same name) by telling people that she had 22 personalities instead of the basic three.

There was the Strawberry Lady, who was 21 and ate strawberries to the exclusion of all else. The Banana Split Girl was a temperamental child who would only consume that dessert. There was the Purple Lady, an arthritic 58-year-old who wore white wigs and purple dresses. The Virgin wore no makeup and could not stand to be touched by her husband. The Spoon Lady collected spoons. The Blind Lady could not see. There was the Retrace Lady who never liked to take the same route twice.

While not related to Tom Sizemore she may at one time thought that she was Tom Sizemore.

This hot goes to: Jami!  Jami happened to Google the name because she forgot who the hell Chris Sizemore was.  This happens to me a lot… but no one is really surprised by that.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: Draft night is 11/5 – a mere 12 days away!

Current Standings:

Jami: 210 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10, Edward Albee – 20, Chris Sizemore)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20, Buckwheat Zydeco – 40)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Harmony: 100 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30, Gene Wilder – 20, Arnold Palmer – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Gianna: 80 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20, Herschell Gordon Lewis – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Imaginary Steve: 20 – (King Bhumibol Adulyadej – 20)

Morley Safer, who worked as a journalist for over five decades, died at the spry age of 84

It is safe to say that Safer was the longest serving correspondent on the show “60 Minutes.”  [Guess how long that show is.]

Safer did not stick with the safe, fluff pieces.  He once reported from Cam Ne, Vietnam, where he showed U.S. Marines torching villagers’ huts.  The show was not known as a laugh-riot.

Especially Andy Rooney’s segment.

During his career, Safer logged over 900 stories, according to some of the safer Safer estimates.

Safer announced his retirement eight days ago.  Man, EVERY cop movie in the world tells

morley-safer

Gene Wilder saw that hair and thought: I could totally pull that off!

you that you never say that you’re going to retire!  That’s when you die!

“I’m gonna retire in eight days.  Got myself a boat.  Christened it the ‘Live-4-Ever.’  Gonna live with my wife for the rest of my days on the ocean!”  BLAM!  BLAM!  BLAM!!

In 1968, he married Jane Fearer.  That is not a joke.  Mr. Safer married Ms. Fearer.  If she hyphenated her name, she’s be Jane Safer-Fearer.  Come on, this is GOLD!

Safer was born in Canada and he maintained a dual Canadian/American citizenship.  He thought it was safer that way.

After his burning-village report,LBJ was certain that Safer was a communist, saying that he “shat on the American Flag.”  (No one ever accused LBJ of having a silver tongue.)  So Johnson ordered a security check; upon being told that Safer “wasn’t a communist, just a Canadian”, he responded: “Well, I knew he wasn’t an American.”

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!This hit puts them at 80 points, in a tie for 4th place!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 100 – (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 80 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Marvin Minsky – 20)

Gianna: 20 (Robert Stigwood – 20)

Former WCIA-TV News anchor, Dave Benton, died at the spry age of 52.

…in May.

Benton made a dramatic on-air announcement that he had brain cancer and that he had four to six months to live.

He left the following April because he had trouble reading.  That was not because of his cancer, he simply never learned how to read.  Turns out, he was just making shit up every night.

Benton was born again Christian, so you don’t have to feel too bad about him dying because he’s had two lives… man, I gotta figure out how to get born again when I die.  I wonder why he didn’t become born again, again?  I mean, if you can do it once, seems daft that you can’t do it again.  I mean, the guy had kids.

Benton went through Chemo, and we all see how well that worked.  “I’ve been fortunate not to have a lot of side effects so far,” he said. “I sleep a lot the week of treatment.  By that Thursday or Friday, I’m exhausted. I sleep all weekend long, and I

He could never tell if the cancer caused the voices in his head, or if it was his producer yammering on into his earpiece.

He could never tell if the cancer caused the voices in his head, or if it was his producer yammering on into his earpiece.

kind of bounce back.”  

His kids are still pissed that their dad slept instead of going to their little league games.  They often commented that he loved having radioactive material injected into his bloodstream more than he loved them.  To be honest, his kids are kinda dicks.  Maybe that’s why he didn’t do the “being born a third time” thing.

Team Sushi will have to be thanking me for years to come for finding this hit.  They drafted him before I could last year.  When I was doing some Ghoul Pool research for this year (which you all should be doing, draft day is only 47 days away!), I Googled the guy.  

A little hint here: If you’re drafting a guy who’s not a huge celebrity, but has announced that he’s gonna die… you might wanna set up a Google News Alert for that shit.

Team Sushi hits the 100-point mark!  Can they get another 90 points in a month and a half?

Nancy Reagan, somehow, continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS: Draft night is just 47 days away!

Current Standings:

The Girl on Fire: 180 – (Mario Cuomo – 20, Richard Dysart – 20, Anne Meara – 20, Denise McCluggage – 20, Bobbi Christina Brown – 80, Frank Gifford – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 150 – (Sir Terry Pratchett – 66, Lauren Hill – 90)

Jami: 140 – (Diem Brown – 70, Sam Simon – 50, Dick Van Patten – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: 130 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20, Jerry Tarkanian – 20, Minnie Minoso -10, Al Rosen – 10, Chuck Bednarik – 20, Louise Suggs – 10)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 120 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10, Cardinal Karl Josef Becker – 20, Roberto Tucci – 10, Giovanni Canestri – 10, Giacomo Biffi “the Vampire Slayer” – 20, William W. Baum – 20, László Paskai – 20)

Gianna: 110 – (Ahmad “Real” Givens – 70, Vincent Bugliosi – 10, Dean Jones – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Marion Barry – 30, Omar Sharif – 20, Dave Benton – 50)

Nikki: 80 – (Stuart Scott – 60, BB King – 20)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 70 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20, Alex Rocco – 30, Milton Delugg – 10)

Anne: 70 – (Lesley Gore – 40, Joe Cocker – 30)

Nora the Explorer: 50 – (James Best – 20, Ben E. King – 30)

Babysitter: 50 – (Leonard Nimoy – 20, Gary Gahl – 30)

Mostly Mike: 40 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10, Dickie Moore – 20)

Anne: 30 – (oops, I forgot who Anne had – 30)

Nathaniel: – 10 – (Christopher Lee – 10)

Erika: 10 – (Jayne Meadows – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)