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Tag Archives: rugby

Brick shithouse and rugby player Sir Colin Meads died at the spry age of 81.

He was given the nickname “Pinetree” because he was a player no one could fell (New Zealandian for “Couldn’t be knocked over”).

Early in his career he described himself as a “country hick in the big time.”  So… he liked country music?

He saw himself as a father first, a farmer second and an All Black incidentally.  He saw that last one incidentally because the motherfucker was a white guy.  Who do you think you are?  Rachel Dolezal?

He played Rugby in new Zealand for 14 years where he broke his back, broke his arm, and was viciously kicked in the head as he lay on the ground.  

None of these injuries ended his career.  You know why?  He was a fucking rugby player!

Sir Colin Meads

Now that’s a man who knows that LeBron James is nothing but a weak-ass little pussy.

Meads’ 55 caps were a world record.  I mean, that’s a lot of hats… but a world record?  I hardly think so.  I mean, there’s a guy who owns over 100,000 hats today.  

His trademark was running with the ball in one hand.  His grip was secure because he had scarlet fever when he was nine & it left him with fingers of both hands slightly clawed in.  OK, Rugby players never cease to amaze me.  This guy took his scarlet fever and turned it into an advantage!  Do NOT fuck with these guys!

This obscure pick goes to: Wes.    …dick.

He is now tied with me for the lead.  My beautiful lead!  Already destroyed!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Wes: 170 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50, Jerry Lewis – 10, Colin Meads – 20)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 100 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60, Nicolai Gedda – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

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South African bad-ass Joost van der Westhuizen died at the spry age of 45.  [45!?!?! Shit!  I hope Babysitter didn’t have him!]

Why was he a bad-ass?  Let’s start with the fact that he was an internationally renowned [yes, he went through the painful nouning process] rugby player.  Frankly, you could start AND end with that.

Have you ever played rugby?  No you haven’t.  Neither have I.  You know why?  We’re fucking pussies, that’s why!  We can act all high and mighty with our American Football.  With our helmets and our shoulderpads.

You know what rugby doesn’t have?  Helmets.  You know what else it doesn’t have?  Mother-fucking shoulder pads!

The only protection you need in rugby is the ability of kicking the crap out of the other guy before he kicks the crap outta you.

Another reason he was bad-ass?   He was diagnosed with MND (I’m assuming a disease with long words that I don’t understand… Multitudinous Narciratic Disease?) in 2011, he was given just a couple of years to live (because MND is some serious shit).

He said, “fuck that,” and lived for another six years!  And in that time, he raised money

Joost

Joost playing a round of “Who’s thumb is that?”

to fight MND.  (Mandible Neurosis Disease?)

Another reason he was a bad-ass?  Van der Westhuizen won 89 caps for the Springboks scoring scored an astonishing 38 tries!  Ok, I really have no idea what the hell that means.

Van Der Westhuizen redefined scrum half play!  Scrum whole play was undisturbed by his career.

This hit goes to:  Aw, crap!   It is Babysitter!  The sitter of babies gets 60 damn points for this one, putting him at 90 points.  Still not triple digits, but OK, I guess.

Erin remains at zero.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 170 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60, Darren Daulton – 50)

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 120 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20, Haruo Nakajima – 20, Barbara Cook – 20)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Babysitter: 90 – (June Foray – 10 – Glen Campbell – 20, Joost van der Westhuizen – 60)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Jerry Buss, owner of the Los Angeles Lakers, died at the spry age of 80.

Buss was the majority owner of the Lakers throughout the 80s where the team won four championships while under the leadership of Gordon Gekko.

"Yeah, I banged more Lakers Girls than you could ever imagine.  It was a good life."

“Yeah, I banged more Lakers Girls than you could ever imagine. It was a good life.”

Buss was a philanthropist, a chemist, a poker player, a real estate mogul… but what he loved was basketball.  What a frickin’ waste.  That game is the worst.  I juts can’t stand it.

And the Los Angeles Lakers?  Fun fact: there are no lakes in Los Angeles.  He owned other Los Angeles teams, like the WNBAs Los Angeles Safe Neighborhoods.  His Jai alai team, the Los Angeles Clean Air was popular in some Hispanic areas.  The Rugby team, Smooth-Flowing Traffic Patterns, never took off.  And of course, in women’s soccer, the No-Natural-Disasters-Here were favorites to take it all last year.

Oh, and basketball sucks.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Aren’t you glad it wasn’t a certain new appendage in town?  Yes, with Jay around, we can now actually root for Bean!  (I have a feeling that, at this point, Jay is going to grow a curly, Snidely-Whiplash-style mustache.)

Yes, Bean is now in third place with 50 points.  If he’d been thrown under the Buss 21 days ago, he’d be tied for 2nd.  But, I guess that’ just the way the corpse decomposes.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

The New Dick in Town – 80 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70)

Dawn-n-Mike – 60 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus – 50 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20)

The Girl on Fire – 30 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20)

Joanne – 30 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20)

Team Sushi – 20 – (Conrad Bain – 20)

Babysitter – 20 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10)

Jami – 20 – (Larry Hagman – 20)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

Gainna – 10 – (Lucille Bliss – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)