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Tag Archives: the spy who loved me

The worst James Bond, Sir Roger Moore, died at the spry age of 89.

Moore did moore than just Bond.  he was in a shitload of things.  Few of them good.  

He did a TV show called “Ivanhoe” about gardening in Russia.  He was also in “The Alaskans” as Sneaker Palin, or was he Blanket Palin?… Tent Palin?  The show only lasted one season.  

He went on to do a season of “Maverick,” in a role that Sean Connery turned down.  He left because once Garner left, the show went to shit.  I have no reference point to tell if this is true.

From 1962 through 1969, Moore played Simon Templar in the show “The Saint.”  Now this was a decent show filled with cool capers and whatnot.  Lamentably, “The Saint” is not available for streaming, but it is available on DVD.  (For us old people who still have DVD players)

The international stardom that he got from “The Saint” propelled him to star along side Tony Curtis in the new show, “The Persuaders!”  The series, like soccer, was popular


Yeah, but everyone looks good in a tuxedo.

everywhere but the US.

Next, Moore was selected to take over for Sean Connery (the best Bond) in the James Bond series.

He brought a certain shitty wit to his Bond.  He had many one-liners that ran concurrent to the character created by Ian Fleming.  But, much in the same way that disco was popular, people ate that shit up.

He made 7 bond movies over 12 years, making him the longest Bond.  (Not longest in the penis sense because George Lazenby is hung like a horse.)

He started out OK with “Live and Let Die.”  Moved on to “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me.”  But then he did “Moonraker.”

Moonraker was inexcusable.

In 2004, Moore was voted ‘Best Bond’ in an Academy Awards poll.  The next year, they selected “Million Dollar Baby” as Best Picture.  So, picking the crappiest in the lot to win is what they often do.  (“Crash?”, “The Greatest Show on Earth?”, “Birdman?”)

Moore was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 2003 for “services to charity”.   Mostly for his work with UNICEF, a charity that teaches poor children in the 3rd world how to ride a unicycle.

No, not everyone believes that He was the worst Bond.  Some of us are wrong.  And one of those wrong people is Sir Jason Carifa, who requested some input on the passing of Sir Moore.  Seeing that his Bond knowledge is vastly superior to mine (with the exception of Moore being any good), I thought it best to include his input:

His first James Bond movie “Live and Let Die” was fantastic – My personal favorite. The following movies “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me,” were great.  

Moore Space

A gun?  In space?!??! Fucking NRA…

Then the Star Wars era came upon us and instead of making “For Your Eyes Only” they decided to make “Moonraker”.  Ok, so we put monkeys and people in space but for God sakes please don’t ever put James Bond is space with laser beams again.  The movie was actually decent up until they launched Moonraker 1.

Roger took a break from 007 and decided to prove to the audiences that cannonballs can run in the 1981 memorable epic summer blockbuster “The Cannonball Run” starring my pal Burt Reynolds.

In 1983 worlds collided. The greatest movie blockbusters of the year. TWO James Bond movies by TWO different actors: Roger Moore’s “Octopussy” and the immortal Sean Connery’s (He’s immortal because he drank from the cup in Indian Jones and the last crusade) “Never Say Never Again! “

Moore did his final James Bond movie at the age of 58 was “A View to a kill” . This was another personal favorite of mine. Excellent music, excellent villain. So, Daniel Craig, there is no reason to give up on the James Bond franchise you can make it 60.

Life after James Bond was quiet he had small roles in “Spice Girls” and “Boat Trip.”

Ok I admit I saw those films.

Roger Moore Trivia:

– When rehearsing for James Bond movies he would constantly blink his eyes when shooting the gun. He was not a fan of weapons. Let’s be honest you’re not shooting a 44 Magnum like Dirty Harry. You have handgun that can fit into a purse.

-He was ready to retire after “For your eyes only” so James Brolin actually did a screen test as James Bond in Octopussy.

-He was supposed to present the Oscar for best actor to Marlon Brando for The Godfather but someone by the name of “Martinsheen Littlefarter” or some shit like that came up, and we all know how that went.

-He never ordered or drank a martini in any of the James Bond movies.

-While filming “Live and Let die” Roger Moore and Jane Seymour had dysentery in Jamaica. Well that’s a shitty story……

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Their two his are Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and Roger Moore.  Will they continue to cut a swath through 80s mediocrity?

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Team Sushi: 50 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)


7’ 2” Actor known for playing Jaws, Richard Kiel, died at the spry age of 74.

There were special obstacles to playing a shark in the 1975 classic.  First off, he was human.  He was also lazy.  The crew often announced that “The shark is not working today.”

In the freezing waters off of Martha’s Vineyard, Kiel was forced to eat Robert Shaw over and over again.  He also had to endure being called “Bruce” the whole time.

He did love filming the opening scene with the skinnydipper though.

Oh, wait…. I have the wrong Jaws?  …from “Moonraker?”  But that  movie sucked donkey balls!  I would have to say that Mr. Warren Mears put it best when he said “The gondola turns into a hovercraft?  It’s retarded.  Besides, the guy had, like, no edge…  Moonraker… is inexcusable!”

OK, so he didn’t play a shark.  Instead, he played a really tall guy with razor-sharp, steel teeth.  Teeth that could apparently cut through anything, like steel cables, shelving and Nature Valley granola bars.

Jaws was seemingly impervious to injury and death.  He survives an Egyptian structure collapsing on top of him, being hit by a van, being thrown from a train, a car crash where he which veers off a cliff and lands in a hut below, a battle with a shark (reportedly not related to “Bruce,” from the much better film), the destruction of his boss’ lair, falling several thousand feet, a

Worst.  Churro.  Ever!

Worst. Churro. Ever!

crash through a building inside a runaway cable car , and going over Iguazu Falls. His signature move was to get up, dust himself off, and walk away.

Like he’s fucking Wolverine or something.

He went on to do other movies… but no one really cares.  But he did lend his voice to Vlad, a patron of The Ugly Duckling, in the movie “Tangled.”  I mention this because my daughter would never forgive me if I passed up on a “Tangled” reference.

This hit goes to: that Starving Writer!  This elevates him to 130 points, a mere 60 points behind the leader.

On a side note.  You may remember that the last hit, S. Truett Cathy, was drafted twice.  Because we are a peaceful Ghoul Pool, Carol and Team Sushi have decided to share points, They each get five points.  Now lets all hug and sing “Age of Aquarius.”

NOTE:  Draft Night is on November 1st!  Please let me know if you plan on coming.

Happy pooling,


Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

“Imaginary” Steve (aka: The Arch-Bishop): 150 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20, Cardinal Francesco Marchisano – 20, Cardinal Edmund Szoka – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 140 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20, Don Pardo – 10)

Starving Writer: – 130 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60, Richard Kiel – 30)

Joanne: 110 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10, Richard Attenborough – 10)

Gianna: 90 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0, Dick Smith – 10)

SPMI: 90 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30, Terry Richards – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 80 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10, Robin Williams – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 70 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20, James Brady – 30)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Dick in Town: 50 (Hiroo Onoda – 10, Dick “Dickie” Jones – 20, Elaine Stritch – 20)

Team Sushi: – 55 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Carol’s 1%: 25 (Harold Simmons – 20, S. Truett Cathy – 5)

Erika: 20 (Joan Rivers – 20)

Nikki: 20 (Lauren Bacall – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)