First, let’s get this out of the way:
OK, now that that’s taken care of…
The nation’s senior citizens are turning their lonely eyes to… nobody. Because Ben Matlock is dead.
Yes, Andy Griffith, star of TV’s “The Andy Griffith Show,” (wonder how they came up w/ that name) and “Matlock,” died at the spry age of 86 in his home in Mount Airy, North Carolina.
No one is sure about the circumstances surrounding his death at this time. According to Ghoul Pool sources, everyone is waiting for someone to be wrongly accused of murder. Then that guy’s defense layer to figure out what really happened. ‘Cuz that’s how they roll in the NC, yo.
Say what you will about his legal practices, but that Ben Matlock knew how to wear a suit!
Born in a half-way house to a heroin addict, Griffithmade his film debut in “A Face in the Crowd.” A great movie about a manipulative, small-town drifter who becomes radio sensation (seriously, put it on your queue, he’s really good in it). His character is very different from anyone in Mayberry.
After that he started “The Andy Griffith Show,” where he played the widowed Sheriff, Andy Taylor. Taylorwas the wizened sheriff of a wacky small town that included the super-smooth Barney Fife, Otis the Sober Guy and a man who willingly went by the name “Goober.”
Griffith’s character was also father to Ritchie Cunningham (the difference in names was never officially explained) played by a young Ron Howard. Howard has been schmoozing up to NBC with any interview possible so that Universal might distribute his next film. In one of these interviews, Howard recalls his times on the set: “Oh, he was wonderful to work with. Very professional. Yeah, if I dropped a line, he would beat the shit out of me, but it was out of love. He just wanted it done right.”
Griffithwent on to play Ben Matlock in the late-80’s through the early 90’s. It was the “Murder, She Wrote” of its time. Seniors just love a good mystery, especially when it’s solved by another senior citizen with some home-spun wisdom.
In 1995 “Matlock” was cancelled because it had been replaced by “Diagnosis Murder,” a show about a senior citizen solving mysteries with some home-spun wisdom. (In 2001, “Diagnosis Murder” was cancelled to be replaced a year later by the less-successful “Monk.” Unfortunately, Tony Shalhoub is not old enough to pull in the blue-haired set and OCD does not equal home-spun wisdom.)
This hit goes to: Carol! Yes, Carol has climbed her way into second place – she is only TEN POINTS behind the Walls of Jerica. Where’s your Tariq Aziz now?
We here at Ghoul Pool Headquarters are all pulling for Carol to take it all. If she wins, she has pledged to use the proceeds to buy vodka for her son-in-law. And there is no cause nobler than that.
Happy Pooling,
SPMI
PS: Draft Night is four months away!
The Walls of Jerica: 150 (Duggar #20 – 100, Kim Jong Il, John Demjanjuk – 10 )
Carol: 140 (Davy Jones – 40, Dick Clark – 20, George Lindsey – 20, Don Grady – 40m Andy Griffith – 20)
Sister Mary Sheila: 130 (Christopher Hitchens – 40, Adam “MCA”Yauch – 60, Kathryn Joosten – 30, Yitzhak Shamir – 10)
Tailgating with that guy who’s still a Jackass: – 110 (Smokin’ Joe Frazier – 40, Joe Paterno – 20, Gary Carter – 50)
Mary: 100 (Dr. Mel Goldstein – 40, Whitney Houston – 60)
Pirate Jen “Occupy the Casket”: 90 (Anne McCaffrey – 20, Carroll Shelby – 20, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi – 40, Ray Bradbury – 10)
Gianna: 80 (Bill Keane – 20, Jonathan Frid – 20, Robin Gibb – 40)
“Imaginary” Steve: – 40 (Alan Sues – 20, Earl Scruggs – 20)
Jami “MORGAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” McFeeley: – 60 (Harry Morgan – 10, Etta James – 30, Maurice Sendak – 20)
Ann B. Davis: – 20 (Mike Wallace – 10, Ann Rutherford – 10)
Schelle’y: – 20 (Chuck Colson – 20)
Welcome to Ghoul Pool Headquarters 