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Jazz singer and Godmother, Morgana King, died at the spry age of 87.

She died on March 22nd but it wasn’t reported.  In other words, she lived alone, died and was only recently found half-eaten by her cats.

King was an accomplished jazz singer who performed in clubs for 50 years and recorded 20 albums.

This was quite an accomplishment mainly because she sucked.

Don’t get me wrong, her voice, technically, was wonderful.  But how she chose to use it, in high-pitched, lilting tones with over-produced Paul-McCartney-esque strings is just so

king

King, shown here experiencing the pain one feels when listening to her music.

annoying.  It’s like she’s almost singing… but not quite.

But King will really be known for her film debut playing Don Corleone’s wife where she sang the dirty little song known as “C’è la luna mezzo mare” about hooking your daughter up with a shoemaker who always has his “hammer” in his hand and “If he likes the idea / He’ll hammer you, oh my daughter.”

She died of the off-brand non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

This hit goes to me!  I’ve been picking her for years and it finally paid off!  I’m up to 90, just a single death away from triple digits!

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

Girl on Fire:  100 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20, Charlotte Rae – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 90 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20, Adrian Cronauer – 30, Morgana King – 20)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Wes: 70 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20, Paul Laxalt – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  60 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10, Stan Mikita – 30)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

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Hockey player and all around Czechoslovakian Stan Mikita died at the spry age of 78.

Mikita won the Art Ross Trophy as the N.H.L.’s leading point scorer four times. And it’s such a cool trophy because it has this tiny little Ross on top with his big fro and his paint pallet.

He was centre of the famed “Scooter Line,” a group of players obsessed with Scooter Pies.  Nobody really ever knew where this obsession came from. Maybe it was because they looked like pucks.  It’s not likely that The Muppets had anything to do with it.

All I know is that they’d kill a man for even looking at a Moon Pie.

Mikita started among the most penalized players.  His daughter was watching a game

mikita

UH, it’s like Vince McMahon dressed up like Satan.

when she turned and said, “Mommy, why does Daddy spend so much time sitting down?”  His wife replied, “Because he’s a lazy bastard who will apparently that using a goddamned vacuum will goddamned kill him!”

Stan decided to play a cleaner game and went on to win the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (named after Chandler’s mom) for particularly sportsmanlike conduct twice.

I did not know that hockey had a biggest pussy award.

Stan also pioneered the curved stick, the bane of every gym teacher’s existence.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  I mean, who the hell else is going to pick a hockey player from the 60s?

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

Girl on Fire:  100 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20, Charlotte Rae – 10)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Wes: 70 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20, Paul Laxalt – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 70 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20, Adrian Cronauer – 30)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  60 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10, Stan Mikita – 30)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

Former Nevada Senator and Governor who was definitely not in the pocket of casinos, Paul Laxalt, died at the spry age of 96.

His father was a sheepherder who spent months at a time with his flock in the Sierra Nevada.  That’s not a metaphor for him being a priest or something. He was an actual shepherd.

He often called himself a “Basque sheepherder’s kid.”  I’m pretty sure that makes his dad a lizard-like bounty hunter that appeared in the Empire Strikes Back… Wikipedia may be wrong on this one.

He was one of Ronald Reagan’s most influential advisers and Capitol Hill allies, was dubbed the president’s “First Friend.”  I don’t think he was much of a friend though.

PaulLaxalt

Laxalt bravely paved the way for other white, grey-haired politicians like Newt Gingrich and Mike Pence.

Friends don’t let friends sell arms to terrorists.

Laxalt became the US’s point-man in dealing with corrupt and autocratic Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos (the man who paid for a 7,500 pairs of shoes for his wife.  No, really).

When Marcos was barricaded in his own palace (because of the overwhelming popularity of autocracy), Laxalt told him, “I think you should cut and cut cleanly.”  Once Marcos learned how to cut his steak, the then decided to step down from office.

In 1983, it was reported that federal investigators had been dissuaded by Nevada officials friendly to Laxalt from investigating alleged organized-crime involvement and profit skimming at Carson City casino that he co-owned.

Mr. Laxalt sued for libel, prompting a countersuit alleging the senator was seeking to silence the media. Yadda yadda yadda, nothing happened in the end because this is America.

This hit goes to WES!  Because who the hell else would have former Nevada Senator and Governor Paul Laxalt?

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

Girl on Fire:  100 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20, Charlotte Rae – 10)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Wes: 70 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20, Paul Laxalt – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 70 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20, Adrian Cronauer – 30)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

You pick the good, you pick the bad,

you pick them both and there you have

The facts of death, the facts of death.

 

Everyone’s got to go and show

They’re mortal, now you know about

The facts of death, the facts of death.

 

When your picks never seem

to be dying like in your dreams

And suddenly you’re finding out

the facts of death ain’t all about you, you.

 

It takes a lot to draft ’em right

When you’re learning the facts of death. (learning the facts of death)

Learning the facts of death (learning the facts of death)

Learning the facts of death.

 

Facts of Life star Charlotte Rae died at the spry age of 92.

Charlotte gained fame at a state fair where she wrote words in her web for slack-jawed yokels to not be able to read.

She then went onto TV in shows like “Car 54, Where Are You?”  (Car 54 was under there.)

She eventually made it to the classic “Diff’rent Strokes” with Gary Coleman, who I believe was 10 years older than her at the time… I might have to double check that.

Facts of life

Rae shaking hands with some schmoe while the real star, Kim Fields as Tootie, supervises.

She went on to take care of Tootie and some other brats in the classic 80s sitcom: “Tootie and the Facts of Life.”  See, the show revolved around this girl, her name was Tootie [crazy, right?]. Well Tootie and her friends were in some school where their parents didn’t have to deal with them.

Critics all agreed that the show needed more Tootie.  I mean, she wore roller skates… indoors!!!!  That is true zaniness.

This hit goes to: The Girl on Fire!  Mary makes it to triple digits with this hit!

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

Girl on Fire:  100 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20, Charlotte Rae – 10)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 70 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20, Adrian Cronauer – 30)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

The real “Good Morning, Vietnam” DJ who was nothing like the “Good Morning, Vietnam” DJ, Adrian Cronauer died at the spry age of 79.

Cronauer’s signature greeting of “GOOOOOOOOOD morning, Vietnam!” Was designed to keep the troops’ spirits up, but often backfired, like when “On one occasion, a guy picked up his M16 and blew away his radio,” he told the Americans Veterans Centre conference.

But instead of the raucous, kick-in-the-pants opener that Robin Williams portrays, it was more like a really boing soccer call:

Cronauer preferred to play more modern music to help with the homesickness that everyone felt when thrust into a foreign world.  Less Steve & Eydie and more The Who.

In 1988, Robin Williams and Barry Levinson went a made a movie about Cronauer.  But it was very, very different from Adrian’s experience.

For one thing: Robin Williams was funnier.  I mean, that’s just fact. He was THE- not one of the but THE funniest human being ever to walk the planet.

For another, Cronauer was not the rock-the-boat renegade portrayed in the movie.  He did not fight when the news was censored.

Williams acknowledged that the real-life Cronauer was not the “radio desperado” he

Cronauer

More like “Good morning Geek-etnam.”

portrayed.  “In real life he never did anything outrageous. He did witness a bombing in Saigon. He wanted to report it – he was overruled. He didn’t want to buck the system, because you can get court-martialled for that,” Williams told Rolling Stone.

Also: Robin Williams was funnier.  A fact that cannot be overstated because he was funnier than everyone who was ever in Vietnam before and after the war, combined.

This hit goes to: ME!  I’m now only 200 points behind the leaders!  With 4 months to go, I think that I basically have this locked up this year.  My time is now!

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 70 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20, Adrian Cronauer – 30)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

 

Heartthrob, homosexual and diet soda inventor, Tab Hunter died at the spry age of 86.

Back in the 50s, Tab, with his surfer-boy, Santa-Barbara good looks, was the bee’s-knees to women across the country.

Tab didn’t want to tell anyone at the time but: not interested.

In the 50s were an innocent time where homosexuals were discriminated and often beaten for being gay.  Ahh… if we could only go back to those virtuous times were every day was a Happy Days episode and nothing offensive ever happened.

During this carefree time of oppression, Hunter wore many beards, like Natalie Wood,

tab-hunter

Tab Hunter doing his Dolph Lundgren impression.

Sophia Loren and Debbie Reynolds.  Insiders who guessed at his homosexuality would say that “Natalie Wood and Tab Wouldn’t.”

Hunter had a serious relationship with Anthony Perkins (the guy from Psycho, not Silence of the Lambs: get your Anthonies straight!), Figure skater Ronnie Robertson (from the ‘65 olympics, not the guitarist from The Band: get your Robertsons right!), finally settling down with film producer Allan Glaser (not Brian Grazer: get your film producers right!).

In the early aughts, he heard tell that someone was going to write a tell all book about him.  Hunter decided to beat him to the punch and wrote Tab Hunter Confidential: The Making of a Movie Star, saying “”I thought, ‘Look, get it from the horse’s mouth and not from some horse’s ass.”

This hit goes to Joanne!  She is the third player to reach triple digits this year!  Congrats, Joanne!

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 110 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40, Tab Hunter – 20)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 40 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

The King Father of Pop, Joe Jackson, died at the spry age of 89.

Jackson will be remembered for whipping the Jackson 5 (literally and figuratively) into a top, international act.

Joe started The Jackson Brothers based solely on the incredible talent that was Tito.  The group consisted of the three eldest brothers, Jackie, Jermaine and, of course, the now internationally revered Tito.

When Marlon and Michael joined, they changed the name to The Jackson Five, because there was one-two-three-four-five of them.

At this point, Michael, an insecure little twerp, muscled his way past the eminently more

joe-jackson-hospitalized-terminal-cancer

Joe Jackson with his I’m-about-to-beat-my-loser-kid-face.

talented Tito and forced himself into the spotlight to become the lead singer.  Most critics agree that the band would have seen some real success if Tito remained lead singer.  

But with Mike at the forefront, they just had to settle for a contract with Motown, 11 Top Ten hits, selling 75 million records and being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Man, Mike really held them back.

When Jackson managed his family, he allegedly ordered each of them to call him “Joseph”, which contributed to several siblings being estranged from him.  I don’t know, I think it was the whippings that really did all the estranging.

Michael Jackson claimed that he was physically and emotionally abused by his father, enduring incessant rehearsals, whippings and name-calling, but also admitting that his father’s strict discipline played a large part in his success.

So… beat your kids?  You know, if you want them to really make something of themselves.

Michael recalled that Joseph sat in a chair with a belt in his hand as Michael and his siblings rehearsed and that “if you didn’t do it the right way, he would tear you up, really get you.”

Joe apparently learned this technique from stories about his Grandfather’s first job.  As a slave.

But, we must keep in mind that without Joe Jackson, we would have never had this:

This hit goes to: Jami!  Now she’s only 120 points behind the leaders!  Come on Jami, we’re all rootin’ for ya! [More accurately, we’re all rooting against Team Sushi.]

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 150 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30, Joe Jackson – 20)

Joanne: 90 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 40 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

Star of “Miss Robin Hood” and “Zarak,” Eunice Gayson died at the spry age of 90.

Gayson (whose name translates to “homosexual progeny”) is remembered for being the very first “Bond Girl.”

She sold war bonds from coast to coast, raising untold money for the boys in the doughboys-

Hold on, …I’m being told that I have misconstrued the term “Bond Girl.”

Gayson played the very first love interest to James Bond in the 1st two movies, “Dr. No”

Gayson

Gayson, shown here being a tawdry little minx.

and “From Russia With Love.”

This makes her the only Bond Girl to be in two movies as the same character.

She was going to be a recurring character, one that Bond would always fail to set go on a date with due to the time-pressures of his job.  Yeah, they didn’t keep that gag.

Apparently, Sean Connery was having trouble delivering the “Bond.  James Bond.” line for the first time. She said: “He had to say Bond, James Bond, but he came out with other permutations like Sean Bond, James Connery.”

What a great mental image, James Bond, the king of cool, not being able to spit out his own name.

Gayson took Connery for a drink, and he returned to deliver it perfectly.  Like any good Scotsman, he’s best while drunk on the job.

As with many of the Bond girls in the 1960s and 1970s, her lines were re-recorded by voiceover artist Nikki van der Zyl, the Marni Nixon of the spoken word.

This hit goes to: Occupy the Casket! …I mean Morrigan’s Mirror!  Pirate is now only 10 points behind me!  That’s pretty sad.

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 130 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30)

Joanne: 90 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 40 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 30 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20, Eunice Gayson – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

Cardinal (ball player, not priest in red) and the oldest living Hall of Famer (formerly), Red Schoendienst has shown his last dienst because he died at the spry age or 95.

The Thriving New York Times refers to Schoendienst as a “latter-day Huckleberry Finn.”  Um, have you seen how old he was? I don’t think that any of his days were latter. He may have been the Huck Finn.

The oldest living Hall of Famer is now Tommy Lasorda.  Wait? That fat-fuck is still alive? I was amazed that he survived the eighties!

Between playing, managing and coaching, Schoendienst worked for a solid 74 years.  74 years! That’s what people’s life expectancy is in Paraguay! [Google it.]

I bet in that time, he got into some major shenanigans.  I mean, not dead-hooker in the trunk kind of shenanigans [technically, I think that ranks above a shenanigan], but I’m sure that monkey-shines were involved somewhere… drunken brawls?  wild orgies?

Red

Schoendienst on the cover of an 1829 Sports Illustrated.

Let’s see… married for 52 years… baseball, baseball… 10 grandkids… baseball, baseball…

Nothin’.  Man, Red was pretty boring.  Unless you count 74 years in the majors as exciting.  I guess that’s pretty cool.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Bean is continuing his strategy of getting 10 points a hit.  

Just 25 hits away from the lead there, buddy!

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 130 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30)

Joanne: 90 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 40 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  30 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10, Red Schoendienst – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 20 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)

Star of “Over the Rainbow,” “Dahmer vs Gacy,” the last surviving munchkin from “The Wizard of Oz,” and all around short guy, Jerry Maren died at the spry age of 93.

Maren wasn’t some background munchkin.  He was part of the motherfuckin’ Lollipop Guild!  He was the one who handed Judy Garland the lollipop!  He was a STAR!

At his last meeting with the 2nd-to-last surviving munchkin, Ruth Duccini, Jerry hugged his teary-eyed fellow alum and said, “Ruth, I don’t want to be last. You do it.”

To which she said: “Eat it, BITCH!” and died.  And she said it like Jesse Pinkman too. She was big into Breaking Bad.

A large group of midgets (I can still say that, right? No?  OK, little people) were hired to play munchkins for “The Wizard of Oz” (TWoO to the unhealthily obsessed).  They allegedly partied and tore up their hotel.

This rumor was started by that bitch, Judy Garland.

THE WIZARD OF OZ, from left: Jerry Maren, Harry Earles, 1939

Maren in the middle, the only one with his real hair.

In a 1967 interview Garland was in obvious altered states (very unlike the stone-cold-sober star). In the interview, she branded them all “drunks” and a few of the Munchkin actors said they were not inclined to forgive.  

When reached for comment, Maren said, “And I gave you a lollipop, you feckless bitch!”  [Only he didn’t say “bitch.” He said THE word. The C dash-dash-dash Samantha Bee word.]

This reputation was further reinforced in the not-so-classic film “Under the Rainbow.”

For those unfamiliar, “Under the Rainbow,” was a “comedy” about an assassination attempt/Nazi spy ring set with the backdrop of a hotel full of munchkins.  

It starred Chevy Chase.

And it is worse than you are imagining… but it also featured Jerry Maren!

He is survived by Marc Maron.

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

Ghoul Pool Administrator

Current Standings:

Team Sushi: 270 (Ann Wedgeworth – 20, Malcolm Young – 40, Ruben Cardenas Ramirez – 60, William Rayford – 40, Juan Castillo – 70, Dwight Clark – 40)

Jami: 130 – (Emily “Mt. Fuji” Dole – 40, Jim Nabors – 20, Billy Graham – 10, David Ogden Stiers – 30, R. Lee Ermey – 30)

Joanne: 90 – (Rose Marie – 10, Jerry Van Dyke – 20, Winnie Mandela – 20, Margot Kidder – 40)

ERIN: 80 (David Cassidy – 40, John Gavin – 20, Roger Bannister – 20)

Josh: 80 – (Earle Hyman – 10, Charles Manson – 20, John Battaglia – 40, Marty Allen – 10)

Girl on Fire:  90 (John Hillerman – 20, Della Reese – 20, Brendan Byrne – 10, Donnelly Rhodes – 20, Robert Mandan – 20)

Wes: 60 – (John Watts Young  -20, Prince Henrik – 20, Alan Bean – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Stephen Hawking – 30)

The Mumblers: 20 – (Carl Kassel – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!!!!!!!!!!!! – 40 (Milos Foreman – 20, Tom Wolfe – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus:  20 (Bobby Doerr – 10, Tom Benson – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 20 – (Ursula K. Le Guin – 20)

Gianna: 10 (Jerry Maren – 10)

Sue B.: 10 – (Barbara Bush – 10)