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Oscar winner and star of the Mission: Impossible TV show, Martin Landau, died at the spry age of 89.

His big break came as a spy’s fabulous henchman in Alfred Hitchcock’s “North by Northwest.”  By fabulous, I mean he played a menacing gay man.  Less Rip Taylor, more Rip-your-lungs-out.

Landau once dated Marilyn Monroe.  Nothing to add to that.  Just props to da man.  (Mission: Wha-a-a-at?)

In 1955, Landau joined the Actors Studio, an organization that has always been ruled by James Lipton’s iron fist.

While there, Landau taught Jack Nicholson.  Apparently, Nicholson only showed up for

Landau

Landau with Barbara “I’m-way-out-of-your-league” Bain.

the section on eyebrows (Mission: Overacting).

His stint on Mission: Impossible was as a man of many faces.  This gave him the opportunity to play many different kinds of roles with different accents and sometimes he even played two roles in the same episode.  He was the Johnny Depp of Mission: Impossible.

After three years he and his much hotter wife, Barbara Bain (Mission: Helllooooo Nurse!), left the show.  

In the 70’s he starred in such classics as A Town Called Hell and Welcome Home, Johnny Bristol.  The 70s were hard on us all.

He always thought that his greatest work was Martin.  Not only was it such a break from his usual genres but the 90s sitcom was a seminal touchstone for 90s African-American culture.

Landau famously hated the Sheneneh character.  As did we all.

He won his Oscar for playing Bella Lugosi in the classic Tim Burton movie Ed Wood.  it was here that we learned that heroin isn’t a new problem…

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  I guess they decided to lay off the eighties for a spell.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 120 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 90 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Father of the zombie, George A. Romero died at the spry age of 77.

“Night of the Living Dead,” ushered in a new version of horror, the-  ..the-  Braaaaiiins…..[Focus, McFeeley!  Focus!] …a new era of horror films: the Zombie flick.

The movie in itself is very simple.  No boring exposition to bog the action d- …Braaaaiinsss… [God, keep it together!] …down.  Zombies appear and you just need to be scared.  [Man, I’m hungry.]

Romero got his start in an unlikely place: Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.  He did a short film for Mr. R when Rogers went in for a tonsillectomy.  There were creative differences from  beginning, but in the end, Romero acquiesced to the saintly Rogers and removed most of the blood and gore from the operation scene.

The director’s cut is available on the Mr Rogers Criterion Collection DVD set.

Romero directed Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, and Diary of the Dead.  Bar Mitzvah of the Dead was never released due to its anti-semitic nature.

But he didn’t just do “of the dead” movies.  He always thought that his greatest work was Martin.  Not only was it such a break from the horror genre but the 90s sitcom was a

Romero

Romero also invented the mosh pit.

seminal touchstone for 90s African-American culture.

Romero famously hated the Sheneneh character.  As did we all.

On Sunday, Romero died from lung cancer.

On Monday, his corpse rose and is now shambling vaguely about the greater Los Angeles area in search of brains.

He may never find any.

This hit goes to: M!  It’s her first ever hit!  Congratulations!

PS: I am well aware of the controversy over whether Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead or alive.  The most reliable source still says that he is dead.  I will remove my points if he is proven alive.  If it is still up in the air at draft time, I will remove the points.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 120 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Murderer, terrorist, polygamist, statutory rapist, and true master of the pan flute, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, died at the spry age of 45

al-Baghdadi was the leader of the Sunni Salafi jihadist militant jihadist organisation known as the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL).  

Or is it Just Islamic State (IS)?  Or is it Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) or Islamic State in Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS as well)?  Or is it just, check this one out: Daesh?  (Which I guess would just be “D.”  Or maybe you would call that “Sunni D.”

Man, these guys have some serious branding issues.  Their worse than “#.”
NOTE: Sunni D is not to be confused with Sunny D.  Although both are evil, it is to varying degrees.

A few weeks ago, Russia claimed to kill him.  But who listens to them?  …Oh, yeah.  He does.

Well, the Syrian Observatory has now confirmed that claim.   How astronomers are so up on who lives,  who dies and who tells your story in a war-torn area is a mystery to me.

abu-bakr-al-baghdadi

al-Baghdadi, shown hear singing “My Heart Will Go On” at the Iraqi Oscars.

 

But the organization that is confirming the kill is known as an accurate, reliable source according to The United Nations, newspaper and nongovernmental organisations.  “Generally, the information on the killings of civilians is very good, definitely one of the best,” said Neil Sammonds, a British researcher for Amnesty International.

If Wikipedia is good enough for my Ghoul Pool research, I’m gonna say that this, much more credible source holds water.

The US has not confirmed the death.  But that’s because they are whiney little bitches who are crying into their pillows, saying, “WE’RE supposed to kill him!  That’s what we do!”

Russia: first in space and first to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Al-Baghdadi was arrested by US Forces in 2004 near Fallujah and detained at the Abu Ghraib.

You remember Abu Ghraib, right?  The place where they tortured and humiliated detainees while taking selfies?

Hmm… now I wonder why he hated America?

Now don’t get me wrong here, our awful treatment of Muslims and atrocities in places like Abu Ghraib are not a justification for the murder of hundreds of people.  The guy was definitely an evil asshole.

But why do we work so hard to make ourselves the targets of evil assholes like him?

This hit goes to: ME!  Yes, I was smart enough to pick the one guy that both the US and Russia wanted to kill.

This gives me a humble 60 points which doubles my score!  I’m now just 20 points behind the two rookie leaders!

Can this be it?!?!  Can this be my return to the shores of Ghoul Pool winnings!?!?!?!

Probably not.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 120 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

The creator of Paddington Bear, Michael Bond, died at the spry age of 91.

Originally from the darkest Peru, Bond was found in Paddington Station by the Brown family.  Apparently, he was sent by his Aunt Lucy and Uncle Pastuzo.

In an interview, Bond said “”I came all the way in a lifeboat, and ate marmalade.”  Jesus, him and his goddamned marmalade.  

He lived with the Browns at 32 Windsor Gardens and frequented the nearby Portobello Road market, where he is respected by the shopkeepers for driving a hard bargain.  But in reality, they secretly hated the cheap bastard.

Man, did he get into some chicanery and monkeyshines!  Apparently, his 1st bath was a disaster.  He created chaos in the Underground (That’s British for “slave mines”) and even got lost on a shopping trip.

Man, this guy really wasn’t all there, was he…

Michael Bond

Bond did a lot of work with kids who suffered from Hypertrichosis (hair all over).  He often gave them girls’ coats and ugly-as-fuck hats.

On 10 February 1943, Bond survived an air raid in Reading. The building in which he was working collapsed under him, killing 41 people and injuring many more.

It is believed that this is why the Paddington Bear books are so filled with death and images of bloody corpses.

In the end he wrote 27 Paddington books.  He also wrote other book series, the Olga da Polga series and the Monsieur Pamplemousse series.  But who really gives a fuck about them?

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  (A quick reminder here, that’s Pirate’s team.  Nathaniel did not name hit ghoul pool team after his daughter.)Pirate is up to 70 points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Comedian Bill Dana died at the spry age of 92.  

Made famous for his small stint in the 1983 film, “The Right Stuff,” Dana was known for doing a fairly racist impression of a Mexican in skits that always began with him saying “My name… Jose… Jimenez.”

I say fairly racist because 1) the impression would never have legs today and b) Dana was embraced by the Latino community.  He was honored by the National Hispanic Media Coalition and worked, largely behind the scenes, as an activist.

Dana did not think of his creation as racist.  He said that Jimenez “was a perfect example of a person that wanted to be assimilated into American culture, learn the language, always looked spiffy … not a bit of the racist stereotype about the unkempt Mexican.”

In “The Right Stuff,” Dana is seen on TV doing his character, much to the delight of Alan Shepherd.  

Shepherd loved doing this impression himself.  Much to the behest of hospital orderly Gonzalez, who, along with his friends, thought that his Jose Jimenez imitation is A-OK.

Dana

Dana getting his first prostate exam.

But what he was doing with it is B-A-D.

Shephard got one hell of a barium enima out of the whole ordeal.

Dana did more than just appear on “The Right Stuff.”  He contrived the trademark “Would You Believe?” line of jokes that Don Adams employed in standup and on “Get Smart.”

He and penned one of the funniest episodes in “All in the Family” history where Sammy Davis Jr. plants a kiss on Archie Bunker.

Dana’s greatest writing credits are for “Chico and the Man,” Donny and Marie Osmond’s variety hour and “Matlock.”  That was some quality shit.

This hit goes to: Jodi & Husband!  They get their very 1st hit in the ghoul pool!  Congratulations!  I’m sure you’ll want to hold a party to celebrate.  I’ll have a free weekend in September!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Former German Chancellor, Helmut Kohl (remember him?), died at the spy age of 87

He was Chancellor (which I guess is German for Prime Minister) from 1982-1998.  So he was running the joint when the Berlin wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ do-o-o-own.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,  yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah)

He started out as a good Nazi.  He was a 15-year-old member of the Hitler Youth when the war ended.

Hitler Youth is basically the Boy Scouts.  But they earn their badges for hate.  The “Punch a Dirty Jew” badge was pretty easy to get.  But the “Kill a Jew” badge… well that shit changed a kid.

In his defence, the Hitler Youth was mandatory.  So it wasn’t like he was sitting at home one day wondering if he could join a group that taught him how to hate while forming

Helmut

Kohl, shown here with Helmut-head.

bonds with other young pieces of shit to last a lifetime.  No, if you didn’t join, then the other kids would get to earn their “Beat the Shit Out of the Kid Who Didn’t Join the Hitler Youth” badge.

In 1947, he was a co-founder of the Junge Union, a youth organization that defines itself as a liberal, conservative, yet progressive organization.  Whatever the fuck that means.

This organization supported integration.   So it was very different from the Hitler Youth.  

In 1982, as a flock of seagulls ran so far away, E. T. taught us that even little ugly dudes can get sick and turn white too, and Bob Newhart bought an inn in a small town in Vermont, Helmut became Chancellor of West Germany (the good Germany).

He sat behind Reagan as the president said, “Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”  To which Gorby famously replied: “I’m trying to, but have you ever had a Communist contractor show up on time?  Get off my back, little actor-man.”

In 1989, the longest standing symbol of Russian separatism was destroyed when the wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ down.

Today, a museum commemorating the wall and it’s awfulness is currently being planned along the US Mexico border.  But funding may be an issue.

After his reign, he became embroiled in a political party money scandal which was too boring to read about.  So I’m not really gonna go into it.

He the opened a chain of department stores in the US.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She has her second hit and now stands at a whopping 30 points!

In other news, I may become a player in this pool because Russia is claiming to have killed ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.  If this is confirmed: 60 point for me!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor, Adam West lies in state after dying at the spry age of 88.

West, along with Burt Ward, were the original Ambiguously Gay Duo in the campy 60’ TV show Batman.  (BIFF!!!  BAM!!! KA-POW!!!!)

The show was cancelled after three seasons because after a ratings slump, the show wasbam just too expensive.  It was the most expensive TV show on the air at the time.  Which today, is laughable.  I mean, the cast of Friends made more in one episode than it cost to make a whole season of Batman.

West always knew that the only real catwoman was Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Lee Meriwether.

He also questioned why Batman doesn’t dance any more and wondered if anyone remembered the Batusi.

west

West & Ward, shown here peaking.

But Batman was filmed at the height of free-love and it turned into a back-stage bat porno.  (Holy Bat-Pole, Batman!)

According to Burt Ward’s autobiography, Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights (available on Amazon for sixty bucks), they got more pussy than all three cat women combined.

As Ward actually put it, “Everyone wanted our Bat Sperm in every orifice.”

Now, this claim is only found in Ward’s self-published book.  So, there might not be spuriousness involved.

West himself was asked about it and his reply was that “Burt fell victim to making up stories to sell books.”

He then noted that Ward only possessed Robin Sperm and that Bat Sperm was 100%.  Pure.  West.

West was born in Walla Walla, Washington, which I bring up because saying Walla Walla is fun.  Plus, it explains why he smelled like a Walla Wallan.

This hit goes to: Josh!  He is now in a tie for 1st place with Wes!  Biff]

And I think it’s time to say what is clearly on everyone’s minds: Josh and Wes are dicks.  Comin’ in a rookies.  Gettin’ 5 or 6 hits.  140 points each.  Assholes.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Voice actor Peter Sallis died from wearing the wrong trousers at the spry age of 96.  A nefarious penguin’s involvement is being investigated.

Sallis mainly starred in things that we never heard of because we’re Americans.  But he voiced the cheese-loving Wallace in the “Wallace & Gromit” series.

“Peter’s voice has been described as being as welcome as a pair of warm slippers in an uncertain world,” creator Nick Park said.  “That’s why I wanted to use him. Something about the way he said ‘cheeeese’ gave me the idea that Wallace’s mouth should be wider than his face.”

The younger Mr. Sallis worked as a bank clerk for a weekly salary of one pound, 10 shillings (which does not convert into any type of currency today because it’s too damn confusing).

His filmography includes such classics as “Danger Man,” “The Culture of Vultures,” and “Saturday Night and Sunday Morning,” “The Curse of the Werewolf,” (Not to be confused with “The Curse of the Were-Rabbit,” which he would lend his voice to later).  “Taste the Blood of Dracula, Wuthering Heights,” and “Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?”

Sallis

Sallis, being creeped out by the most terrifying cosplay ever.

Yeah, real tentpole movies.

In 1983, animator Nick Park asked Sallis to voice his character Wallace, an eccentric, cheese-loving inventor. Sallis agreed to do so for a donation of £50 to his favourite charity.

The work was eventually released in 1989 and Aardman Animations’ “Wallace and Gromit: A Grand Day Out.”  They went on to make shorts such as “The Wrong Trousers,” “A Close Shave,” and “A Matter of Loaf and Death.”

Since than, Aardman has cranked out nothing but quality work.  All of the Wallace & Gromit, The egregiously mis-spelled Shaun the Sheep, “Chicken Run,” and even the most adorable music video about preventing child molestation.

Seriously, click that link and I defy you to not get that song stuck in your head.

W&G were temporarily retired in 1996, but returned in 2005 for the Oscar-winning 2005 motion picture “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.”  A seriously funny movie.

Sallis retired and Ben Whitehead took over the role.  But Ben just doesn’t have the same ring in his voice when he says “Ooooooh, Wensleydale!”

This hit goes to: Nathaniel!  He get’s his first hit this year for ten points in what is sure to be a legendary comeback!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Former dictator and human pineapple, Manuel Noriega died at the spry age of 83.

Noriega put the “Dick” in Dictator.  He ruled Panama in the 80s where he helped the US, helped Cuba and sold a lot of drugs.

He was known for brandishing a machete during speeches.

He lived a lavish, libertine life off drug-trade riches, complete with luxurious mansions, cocaine-fueled parties and voluminous collections of antique guns.

Most importantly, he liked to display his teddy bears dressed as paratroopers.  

pineapplepokopo

Noriega, shown here doing his impression of Dick Cheney.

Oh, how I Googled and Googled the hell out of “Manuel Noriega’s Teddy Bear Collection.”  Alas, not even a thumbnail could be found.

In 1989, George Bush #1 got tired of his antics and shenanigans, even if it did keep Crockett & Tubbs employed.

With operation “Just Cause” (a name Bush came up with at retreat called “Operation: Lame Names”) the US invaded Panama (because invading is what we do) and deposed Noriega (because deposing is what we also do.  Ain’t that right, Chile?).  

A separate operation to keep Noriega from escaping was deployed.  This was Operation “Nifty Package.”  No.  Really.  Bush got his money’s worth at that retreat.

Noriega ended up holed up in a mission set up by the Vatican.  He came in and claimed sanctuary, just like Quasimodo.

To flush him out, the US used what is called Music Torture.  A fleet of Humvees mounted with loudspeakers rolled in, and blasted music, 24 hours a day, in this densely populated area.  I believe it was Operation “Neat-o Tunes.”

The playlist included The Clash, Van Halen, U2, Bruce Cockburn, Guns-n-Roses and The Doors.

Thee Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff maintains that the music was used principally to prevent parabolic microphones from being used to eavesdrop on negotiations.  In other words: they lied.  Again.  It’s what they do.  (Ain’t that right, Weapons of Mass Destruction?)

After ten days of this, Noriega surrendered.  It was later noted that if country “music” was played, the standoff would have only lasted two hours.  But we couldn’t do that to the brave soldiers manning the Humvees.

Noriega then spent his time traveling the world.  He stayed in Jails in the US, France and… well, Panama.

Later that year, “Miami Vice” was then cancelled.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Then Noriega died.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Their swath through 80s mediocrity continues!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

The worst James Bond, Sir Roger Moore, died at the spry age of 89.

Moore did moore than just Bond.  he was in a shitload of things.  Few of them good.  

He did a TV show called “Ivanhoe” about gardening in Russia.  He was also in “The Alaskans” as Sneaker Palin, or was he Blanket Palin?… Tent Palin?  The show only lasted one season.  

He went on to do a season of “Maverick,” in a role that Sean Connery turned down.  He left because once Garner left, the show went to shit.  I have no reference point to tell if this is true.

From 1962 through 1969, Moore played Simon Templar in the show “The Saint.”  Now this was a decent show filled with cool capers and whatnot.  Lamentably, “The Saint” is not available for streaming, but it is available on DVD.  (For us old people who still have DVD players)

The international stardom that he got from “The Saint” propelled him to star along side Tony Curtis in the new show, “The Persuaders!”  The series, like soccer, was popular

Moore

Yeah, but everyone looks good in a tuxedo.

everywhere but the US.

Next, Moore was selected to take over for Sean Connery (the best Bond) in the James Bond series.

He brought a certain shitty wit to his Bond.  He had many one-liners that ran concurrent to the character created by Ian Fleming.  But, much in the same way that disco was popular, people ate that shit up.

He made 7 bond movies over 12 years, making him the longest Bond.  (Not longest in the penis sense because George Lazenby is hung like a horse.)

He started out OK with “Live and Let Die.”  Moved on to “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me.”  But then he did “Moonraker.”

Moonraker was inexcusable.

In 2004, Moore was voted ‘Best Bond’ in an Academy Awards poll.  The next year, they selected “Million Dollar Baby” as Best Picture.  So, picking the crappiest in the lot to win is what they often do.  (“Crash?”, “The Greatest Show on Earth?”, “Birdman?”)

Moore was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 2003 for “services to charity”.   Mostly for his work with UNICEF, a charity that teaches poor children in the 3rd world how to ride a unicycle.

No, not everyone believes that He was the worst Bond.  Some of us are wrong.  And one of those wrong people is Sir Jason Carifa, who requested some input on the passing of Sir Moore.  Seeing that his Bond knowledge is vastly superior to mine (with the exception of Moore being any good), I thought it best to include his input:

His first James Bond movie “Live and Let Die” was fantastic – My personal favorite. The following movies “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me,” were great.  

Moore Space

A gun?  In space?!??! Fucking NRA…

Then the Star Wars era came upon us and instead of making “For Your Eyes Only” they decided to make “Moonraker”.  Ok, so we put monkeys and people in space but for God sakes please don’t ever put James Bond is space with laser beams again.  The movie was actually decent up until they launched Moonraker 1.

Roger took a break from 007 and decided to prove to the audiences that cannonballs can run in the 1981 memorable epic summer blockbuster “The Cannonball Run” starring my pal Burt Reynolds.

In 1983 worlds collided. The greatest movie blockbusters of the year. TWO James Bond movies by TWO different actors: Roger Moore’s “Octopussy” and the immortal Sean Connery’s (He’s immortal because he drank from the cup in Indian Jones and the last crusade) “Never Say Never Again! “

Moore did his final James Bond movie at the age of 58 was “A View to a kill” . This was another personal favorite of mine. Excellent music, excellent villain. So, Daniel Craig, there is no reason to give up on the James Bond franchise you can make it 60.

Life after James Bond was quiet he had small roles in “Spice Girls” and “Boat Trip.”

Ok I admit I saw those films.

Roger Moore Trivia:

– When rehearsing for James Bond movies he would constantly blink his eyes when shooting the gun. He was not a fan of weapons. Let’s be honest you’re not shooting a 44 Magnum like Dirty Harry. You have handgun that can fit into a purse.

-He was ready to retire after “For your eyes only” so James Brolin actually did a screen test as James Bond in Octopussy.

-He was supposed to present the Oscar for best actor to Marlon Brando for The Godfather but someone by the name of “Martinsheen Littlefarter” or some shit like that came up, and we all know how that went.

-He never ordered or drank a martini in any of the James Bond movies.

-While filming “Live and Let die” Roger Moore and Jane Seymour had dysentery in Jamaica. Well that’s a shitty story……

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Their two his are Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and Roger Moore.  Will they continue to cut a swath through 80s mediocrity?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Team Sushi: 50 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)