Davy Jones, former lead singer of the Monkees and unparalleled tambourine player, died at the spry age of 66.
This death is brought to you by: the crunchy flavor of Kellogg's Corn Flakes!
Jones shocked the Monkees with his sudden departure, and the cause has not been released to the public.
He spent the last few months of his life in a cage at a pharmaceutical testing facility. “Yes, we test on Monkees,” Merk said in statement release earlier today, “And we’ve made great strides to help humanity in the fights against wool hats, gay romps and overly-wacky situations.”
Jones was being held captive because “Merk was testing cutting edge products,” the statement continues, “that would help to eliminate cartoonish villains forever.”
A failed rescue attempt ended with Peter Tork in orange pajamas, Michael Nesmith dressed as a princess and Mickey Dolenz doing a bad James Cagney impression in a weak attempt to ward off the security guards. The whole situation ended up with a bunch of running around in fast motion while “Auntie Grizelda” played in the background.
This hit goes to: Carol! Yes, Carol gets on the board with this one, tied with her daughter & Sister Mary-Sheila. Her 60s sitcom theme is startin’ to pay off!
Happy Pooling,
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