God is Gay (according to the Roman Catholic Church)

Cardinal Edmund Szoka (no relation to Keyser Soze) died at the spry age of 86.  Guess who had him.

Szoka served as the American prelate of the Roman Catholic Church.  Here, I assume that prelate means that he was late, but earlier than most late people… or… wait?  How can you be prelate?  Isn’t that just being on time?  Or even early?

He was also President Emeritus of the Pontifical Commission for Vatican City State and President Emeritus of the

Fun fact: Szoka’s favorite painting was “Whistler’s Mother.”

Governatorate of Vatican City State.  And we all know: the longer the title, the shitter the job.  I’m pretty sure the first job is actually the title for “water boy” for the Papal softball team and the other job was official Vatican urinal cleaner.  Although… it has been quite some time since I went to church.  So, I may not be the best guy to ask.

From 1971 to 1981, he served as Bishop of Gaylord.  Now, I’m pretty sure that the Church is all against homosexuality.  But do they even realize that they have a Bishop for the Gay Lord?  I mean, that seems pretty hypocritical to accept that God is gay but not accept that Joe from down the street is gay.  As a matter of fact, if we are made in His image, shouldn’t we ALL be gay?  Man, I’m gonna call the Pope.

This hit goes to: The sinister Arch-Bishop!  I-Steve strikes at the College of Cardinals yet again!  He is now a mere 40 points behind the leader!  That’s two bishops away from a tie!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

“Imaginary” Steve (aka: The Arch-Bishop): 150 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20, Cardinal Francesco Marchisano – 20, Cardinal Edmund Szoka – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 140 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20, Don Pardo – 10)

Joanne: 100 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20, Eli Wallach – 10)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Gianna: 90 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0, Dick Smith – 10)

SPMI: 90 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30, Terry Richards – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 80 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10, Robin Williams – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 70 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20, James Brady – 30)

Babysitter: 70 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20, Stephanie Kwolek – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Dick in Town: 50 (Hiroo Onoda – 10, Dick “Dickie” Jones – 20, Elaine Stritch – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Nikki: 20 (Lauren Bacall – 20)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

 

…ummm… ok, a dead Cardial… wait, I had something for this…

Ivory Coast Cardinal (guess who has this hit) Bernard Agre died at the spry age of 88.

Early in his career, he was the Major Seminary of Quidah (where he invented Quidditch) and went on to Pontifical Urbaniana University in Rome where he earned a doctorate summa cum laude in pontificating about urban universities.

Agre shown here reading “My Pet Goat” while the world crumbled around him… Oh wait, only an idiot would have done that…

He was appointed bishop of Man on 8 June 1968 by Pope Paul VI.  He really wanted to be the bishop of Woman, because that’s how he rolled.  …You don’t wanna know who the bishop of Boy is…

He was created (again, with someone’s rib, we are assuming) and proclaimed Cardinal-Priest of San Giovanni Crisostomo a Monte Sacro Alto.  Which, and I may have to read up on my Catholicism here, is the patron Cardinal of Italian Opera.

In what seems like a boilerplate dead-Cardinal statement, Pope Francis said the late Cardinal served the church “with faith and generosity,” and worked passionately to “proclaim the Gospel and for people’s human and spiritual development.”  Yada yada yada…

Still waiting on that “Man, I know he was a Cardinal and all, but what an asshole.  The church is better off,” Papal Proclamation.

As we all know, this hit goes to “Imaginary” Steve, whose imaginary hatred for the Catholic Church is paying off in spades.

Not only did I-Steve submit a theme… he submitted only 75 names in a successful bid to be the 1st to submit only 75 and get all 75.  And now his scheme has gotten him triple digits.  Well done, I-Steve… you’re still 90 points behind the lead though.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 190 (Ariel Sharon – 20, Philip Seymour Hoffman – 60, Peaches Geldof – 80, Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter – 30)

Tailgating with Jesus: – 120 (Jerry Coleman – 20, Ralph Kiner – 10, William Clay Ford – 20, Ralph Wilson -10, Jack Ramsay – 20, Don Zimmer – 20, Chuck Noll – 20)

“Imaginary” Steve: 100 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20, Emmanuel III Delly – 20, Marco (Polo!) Cé – 20, Cardinal Simon Lourdusamy – 10, Cardinal Bernard Agre – 20)

Starving Writer: – 100 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40, L’Wren Scott – 6’4” – 60)

Joanne: 90 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20, Connie Marrero – 0, Al Feldstein – 20, Casey Kasem – 20)

Gianna: 80 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10, Fred Phelps – 20, Marc Platt – 0)

SPMI: 70 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10, Sid Caesar – 10, Dave “Sick-motehrfucker” Herman – 30)

Babysitter: 60 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20, Mickey Rooney – 10, Ann B. Davis! – 20)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House): – 60 (Frederick Sanger – 10, Maxine Kumin – 20, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. – 10, Gary Becker – 20)

Team Sushi: – 50 (Bob Hoskins – 30, Maya Angelou – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 50 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20, Ralph Waite – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 40 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10, Dick Ayers – 10)

Nora the Explorer: 30 (Jeremiah Denton – 20, Ruby Dee – 10)

Mostly Mike: 20 (Shirley Temple Black – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)