The Dyin’ Irish

Or

The End of an Ara

Ara Parseghian, former Notre Dame football coach and rejected character name for Game of Thrones, died at the spry age of 94.

Ara took over the notre Dame football team in 1964 and turned it around with Coach-Tayloresque magic.  

That spring, student servers in Notre Dame’s dining hall noticed that football players were forsaking gravy and ice cream. The new coach had told them that they were going to be leaner and faster.  You can’t do that on a diet of grilled cheese sandwiches.

“He told us we were good; he’d give each of us a chance to show what we could do in practice,” Jack Snow said.  I’m gonna assume that Jack Snow was a football player.

From 2-7 in 1934 to 9-1 the next year.

Parseghian, shown here about to call a player a “mother-fuckin’ mooch.”

He famously continued to help injured quarterback Jason Street, even going so far as to offer him a job.  He molded the bumbling Matt Saracen into a champion quarterback.

He could never get any real control on Tim Riggins drinking thought.  (WWRD)

He also kicked the slightly racistly-named Voodoo Tatum off the team because he wouldn’t play ball.

I mean that figuratively.  I mean,l, he played football.  But he didn’t play by the coach’s rules.  So, he wouldn’t play ball… you know what?  Never mind.

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Barton, being a long time fan of the Irish, is likely the source of this hit.  And with this, they break 100!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 120 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – 60)

Team Sushi: 100 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20, Martin Landau – 20, Ara Parseghian – 10)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 70 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20, Michael Bond – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

M: 30 – (George Romero – 30)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Babysitter: 10 – (June Foray – 10)

Get Up, Ya Lazy Bum!

Texas football coach (they like football in Texas?) Oail Andrew “Bum” Phillips, died at the spry age of 90.

Seriously, this guy lives in Texas and is first name is essentially “Oil?”  Was he born on the set of “Giant” or something?  Sounds like a long lost cousin of JR Ewing.

Bum never liked his nickname, he always considered himself to more of a hobo.  “I never would lie in the street, begging, like some bum!  Hell no!  I’d steal a pie off of some window sill, hop a boxcar with a fifty-cent bottle of whisky

Boy, just one look at this guy and I know: I have absolutely nothing in common with this man.

and sing old timey music.”

Phillips was a young upstart when he was hired as coach for the Dillon Panthers.  He tried moving on to college ball, but the heart was missing from the game.  So, he went back to Dillon and led his team to the Texas State Championship game.

Despite his success, he was eventually fired from that post and transferred over to coach the under-funded, more ethnically diverse, East Dillon Lions.  And the rest, as they say, is… on DVD.

Phillips was known for his colorful quotes when talking to the press.  In one interview, he summed up football as, “two opposing teams trying to get a strange ball into a rectangular area at opposite ends of the field.”

He often used football as a metaphor for life.  “Football is like life,” he was fond of saying… apparently no one taught Bum the difference between a simile and a metaphor but, whatever.

This hit goes to Tailgating with Jesus!  yes, the Beaner moves up from seventh place into… seventh place.  Sheesh, way to get the job done, Bean.

Happy Pooling,

SPMI

PS: It is EXACTLY two weeks until draft night!!!!

PPS:  if you have some really obscure picks, you might want to Google them in case they died without us knowing.  I ain’t gonna do it for you.

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 170 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10,Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10 – George Jones – 20, Tompall Glaser – 30)

Babysitter – 140 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20, Chi Cheng – 60, Pat Summerall – 20, Douglas Englebart – 20)

The New Dick in Town – 120 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20, Jeanne Cooper – 20)

“Imaginary” Steve – 100 (Al Neuharth – 20, Ken Venturi – 20, Art Donovan – 20, Elmore Leonard – 20, Julie Harris – 20)

Joanne – 100 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10, Dr. Joyce Brothers – 20, Eydie Gorme‏

– 20)

Gianna – 100 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40, E. L. Konigsburg – 20, Deanna Durbin – 10, Margaret Pellegrini – 20)

Team Sushi – 90 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30, Deacon Jones – 30, Helen Thomas – 10)

Tailgating with Jesus – 80 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20, Bum Phillips – 10)

Occupy the Casket – 50 (Phil Chevron – 50)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 50 – (Patty Andrews – 10, Dick Trickle – 30, Jean Stapleton – 10)

Council of Geeks – 50 (Richard Griffiths – 40, Ray Harryhausen – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Carol – 20 – (Stan Lynde – 20)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)