Sprechen sie Die?

Former German Chancellor, Helmut Kohl (remember him?), died at the spy age of 87

He was Chancellor (which I guess is German for Prime Minister) from 1982-1998.  So he was running the joint when the Berlin wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ do-o-o-own.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,  yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah)

He started out as a good Nazi.  He was a 15-year-old member of the Hitler Youth when the war ended.

Hitler Youth is basically the Boy Scouts.  But they earn their badges for hate.  The “Punch a Dirty Jew” badge was pretty easy to get.  But the “Kill a Jew” badge… well that shit changed a kid.

In his defence, the Hitler Youth was mandatory.  So it wasn’t like he was sitting at home one day wondering if he could join a group that taught him how to hate while forming

Kohl, shown here with Helmut-head.

bonds with other young pieces of shit to last a lifetime.  No, if you didn’t join, then the other kids would get to earn their “Beat the Shit Out of the Kid Who Didn’t Join the Hitler Youth” badge.

In 1947, he was a co-founder of the Junge Union, a youth organization that defines itself as a liberal, conservative, yet progressive organization.  Whatever the fuck that means.

This organization supported integration.   So it was very different from the Hitler Youth.  

In 1982, as a flock of seagulls ran so far away, E. T. taught us that even little ugly dudes can get sick and turn white too, and Bob Newhart bought an inn in a small town in Vermont, Helmut became Chancellor of West Germany (the good Germany).

He sat behind Reagan as the president said, “Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”  To which Gorby famously replied: “I’m trying to, but have you ever had a Communist contractor show up on time?  Get off my back, little actor-man.”

In 1989, the longest standing symbol of Russian separatism was destroyed when the wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ down.

Today, a museum commemorating the wall and it’s awfulness is currently being planned along the US Mexico border.  But funding may be an issue.

After his reign, he became embroiled in a political party money scandal which was too boring to read about.  So I’m not really gonna go into it.

He the opened a chain of department stores in the US.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She has her second hit and now stands at a whopping 30 points!

In other news, I may become a player in this pool because Russia is claiming to have killed ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.  If this is confirmed: 60 point for me!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

A Schell of a Man

Maximilian shuffled off his mortal Schell at the spry age of 83

Maximilian Schell (named after the famous “March of a Million Maxes” held on the Washington Mall), grew up in Austria and fled from the Nazis.  He presumably climbed every mountain and forded every steam with his gold-digging nanny.

He became an actor and starred in movies as varied as “Judgment at Nuremberg” to “The Black Hole.”

From 2003 to 2007, he starred in the classic TV show “Der Fürst und das Mädchen,” which makes this my first double-umlaut update.

I don’t always die. But when I do, I make sure someone gets points for it.

He starred in “A Bridge too Far,” which was about a bridge that continued for five miles beyond the river.

And “The Odessa File” which is about the criminal investigation into a woman who let her baby carriage roll down a  bunch of steps.  (I think maybe two people will get that one… including me).

But he won his Oscar for his role in the uplifting, song and dance comedy “Judgment at Nuremberg.”  When he belted out “Jail Time for Hitler,” you just knew he was going to take the award.  It was his “Jennifer Hudson Moment.”  Oddly, the producers of the movie never realized that Hitler was gunned down in the middle of a burning movie theater, making jail-time impossible.

In ‘75 he received another nomination for his role as Charles Van Doren in “The Man in the Glass Booth” (re-made in 1994 as “Quiz Show”).

In 1976, he was in the film “St. Ives.”  Funny story: As I was going to see “St. Ives,” I met a man with seven wives.  Each wife had seven sacks.  Each sack had seven cats.  Each cat had seven kits.  These heartless bitches kept 56 cats in a sack!  And to have 49 sacks?!?!  Each with 56 cats?!?!  You’d think it was delivery day at a chinese restaurant.  So I called the cops and reported the seven wives for animal cruelty.  I never made it to the movie.

In reality, Schell starred in a crap-load of Nazi-related movies.  So much so that his episode of “This is Your Life” had to be filmed in Brazil.

He spent most of his later career making German movies, TV movies and shows, as mentioned with “Der Fürst und das Mädchen.”  (Quadruple umlaut!)

This hot goes to: Joanne!  She catapults her way to second place like she was a sack with 56 cats in it.  

Gianna is starting to sweat… she just missed out on the death of Arthur Rankin… could be the beginning of the end. Or maybe not. All I know for sure is: a) I won’t win, and b) Nancy Reagan will live to be 125 years old.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Gianna 60 (Tom Laughlin – 20, Alicia Rhett – 10, Mae Young – 10, Ruth Robinson Duccini – 10, Pete Seeger – 10)

Joanne: 50 (Ace Parker – 0, Nelson Mandela – 10,  Ray Price – 20, Maximilian Schell – 20)

Starving Writer – 40 (James Avery – 6’ 5” – 40)

The Girl on Fire: 30 (Eleanor Parker – 10, Dave Madden – 20)

Babysitter: 30 (Mikhail Kalashnikov – 10, Russell Johnson – 20 )

“Imaginary” Steve: 30 (Cardinal Domenico Bartolucci – 10, Cardinal Ricardo Carles Gordo – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 30 (Ronnie Biggs – 20, Harold Camping – 10)

SPMI: 30 (Peter O’Toole – 20, Joan Fontaine – 10)

Jami: 20 (Ariel Sharon)

Tailgating with Jesus – 20 (Jerry Coleman – 20)

Carol’s 1%: 20 (Harold Simmons – 20)

Dick in Town: 10 (Hiroo Onoda – 10)

Good to the Last Drop (© Maxwell House ) – 10 (Frederick Sanger – 10)