Sprechen sie Die?

Former German Chancellor, Helmut Kohl (remember him?), died at the spy age of 87

He was Chancellor (which I guess is German for Prime Minister) from 1982-1998.  So he was running the joint when the Berlin wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ do-o-o-own.  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,  yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah)

He started out as a good Nazi.  He was a 15-year-old member of the Hitler Youth when the war ended.

Hitler Youth is basically the Boy Scouts.  But they earn their badges for hate.  The “Punch a Dirty Jew” badge was pretty easy to get.  But the “Kill a Jew” badge… well that shit changed a kid.

In his defence, the Hitler Youth was mandatory.  So it wasn’t like he was sitting at home one day wondering if he could join a group that taught him how to hate while forming

Kohl, shown here with Helmut-head.

bonds with other young pieces of shit to last a lifetime.  No, if you didn’t join, then the other kids would get to earn their “Beat the Shit Out of the Kid Who Didn’t Join the Hitler Youth” badge.

In 1947, he was a co-founder of the Junge Union, a youth organization that defines itself as a liberal, conservative, yet progressive organization.  Whatever the fuck that means.

This organization supported integration.   So it was very different from the Hitler Youth.  

In 1982, as a flock of seagulls ran so far away, E. T. taught us that even little ugly dudes can get sick and turn white too, and Bob Newhart bought an inn in a small town in Vermont, Helmut became Chancellor of West Germany (the good Germany).

He sat behind Reagan as the president said, “Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”  To which Gorby famously replied: “I’m trying to, but have you ever had a Communist contractor show up on time?  Get off my back, little actor-man.”

In 1989, the longest standing symbol of Russian separatism was destroyed when the wall came tumblin’ down.  When the wall came crumblin’ crumblin’.  When the wall came tumblin’ tumblin’ down.

Today, a museum commemorating the wall and it’s awfulness is currently being planned along the US Mexico border.  But funding may be an issue.

After his reign, he became embroiled in a political party money scandal which was too boring to read about.  So I’m not really gonna go into it.

He the opened a chain of department stores in the US.

This hit goes to: Joanne!  She has her second hit and now stands at a whopping 30 points!

In other news, I may become a player in this pool because Russia is claiming to have killed ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.  If this is confirmed: 60 point for me!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Pop Goes the Wiesel

Holocaust survivor and author Elie Wiesel died at the spry age of 87.

After surviving the German summer camp from hell (no, really this time), Weisel went on to write about his experiences.  His book Night is widely considered the seminal work in revealing the true pain and anguish brought upon by the horrific events that are so often compared to things like a healthcare bill.

During the first night in Auschwitz, he and his father watched a lorry (that’s European for “truck”) deliver its load of children into a fire.  

I was pissed last weekend when my Kindle Fire wouldn’t connect to Netflix and I couldn’t watch Archer episodes in bed.

“Never shall I forget that night, the first night in camp, which has turned my life into one long night… Never shall I forget that smoke. Never shall I forget the little faces of the children, whose bodies I saw turned into wreaths of smoke beneath a silent blue sky.”

Wiesel is in the second row, 7th from the left.  Yeah, He’s earned this lack of funny caption.

 

Yeah… my basement flooded this year.  It was pretty stressful.

The book goes on to explain a death march from the cmap to flee the oncoming Soviets.  Germans were ordered to shoot any prisoners who could not keep up.  The inmates spent two days and nights locked inside cramped barracks without food, water or heat, sleeping on top of one another, so that each morning the living wake with the dead underneath them.

Now, I know that I have been guilty of comparing modern politicians to Nazis and Hitler.  That shit’s gotta stop.  There is nothing in our sweet, cushy, American lives that can compare to this.

Does bad shit happen in the US?  Hell yes!  Is it ever comparable to the nazis?  ..well, maybe when we held Japanese Americans in internment camps…  even that wasn’t this bad.

But I think that before we call racist assholes like Trump a Nazi, we should take a second to read this book.

Bush was not a Nazi.  Obama is not a Nazi.  Neither compare to Hitler in any way.  Unless someone is planning on systematically murdering millions of people in the cruelest fashion known to man, we should reign ourselves in a bit.  Man, we can be dicks sometimes.

Wiesel won the nobel peace prize in 1986 and is honored around the world by just about everyone on the planet (except for jack-asses like Max Blumenthal), which is why this update is not a real laugh-riot.

You cannot make Elie Wiesel funny without being a complete douche.  And I’m only mostly douche.

This hit goes to me!  I’m up to 120 now, a mere 50 points from the leader!  Come on, Susan Smith!  Kill yourself already!  I won’t mind making fun of you at all you kid-killing bitch!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 170 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 120- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20)

Occupy the Casket: 100 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10)

Joanne: 90 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 80 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Harmony: 60 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Gianna: 40 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20)

Nathaniel: 10 (Alan Young – 10)

Evil takes a hit

Nazi War criminal László Csatáry died at the spry age of 98… back in August.

Dawn, being a good and true Ghoul Pooler, googled many of the names on her and Mike’s list ad found this hit had been missed by your illustrious Ghoul Pool Administrator.

He was accused of organizing the deportation of approximately 15,700 Jews to Auschwitz.  He is also accused of having inhumanely exercised his authority in a forced labor camp.  He is also accused of brutalizing the inhabitants of the city.  He was convicted in absentia for war crimes in Czechoslovakia in 1948 and sentenced to death.

This Grandfatherly old man sent 15,700 people to certain death.

As you can see, he was a real go-getter.  He clearly worked with a goal-oriented paradigm that produced solid measurables.  I mean, being an essential part of the extermination of 15,700 people?  That is one competent man.  Sure, he was evil, but he delivered that evil in extraordinary numbers.

Csatáry (pronounced: mər-dər-ing fək-stik) lived in Canada until the Kunucks found out who was using their free healthcare system. And they don’t want to spend their tax dollars on healing the evil.

In 2012 he was found in Hungary where he died on August 10, 2013.  He has reportedly joined Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s soccer team and is organizing a book club with Osama Bin Laden.

As Mentioned earlier, this hit goes to Dawn-n-Mike (but mostly Dawn… because she discovered the hit).  After the Ghoul Pool has closed, we add ten more points to their lead.

Below are the official closing results for the  2012 – 2013 Harry Morgan Memorial Ghoul Pool.

Checks can be made out to Mike Young or Dawn Lambert or Re-match Sports (selling consignment sporting goods in downtown Littleton, NH!).

Mail checks to:

Dawn-n-Mike

84 Railroad Street

Littleton, NH  03561

So, congrats to Dawn-n-Mike on their rookie win!  The first rookie win since the 1^st draft…. where we were all rookies.

Happy Pooling,

SPMI