Former dictator and human pineapple, Manuel Noriega died at the spry age of 83.
Noriega put the “Dick” in Dictator. He ruled Panama in the 80s where he helped the US, helped Cuba and sold a lot of drugs.
He was known for brandishing a machete during speeches.
He lived a lavish, libertine life off drug-trade riches, complete with luxurious mansions, cocaine-fueled parties and voluminous collections of antique guns.
Most importantly, he liked to display his teddy bears dressed as paratroopers.
Noriega, shown here doing his impression of Dick Cheney.
Oh, how I Googled and Googled the hell out of “Manuel Noriega’s Teddy Bear Collection.” Alas, not even a thumbnail could be found.
In 1989, George Bush #1 got tired of his antics and shenanigans, even if it did keep Crockett & Tubbs employed.
With operation “Just Cause” (a name Bush came up with at retreat called “Operation: Lame Names”) the US invaded Panama (because invading is what we do) and deposed Noriega (because deposing is what we also do. Ain’t that right, Chile?).
A separate operation to keep Noriega from escaping was deployed. This was Operation “Nifty Package.” No. Really. Bush got his money’s worth at that retreat.
Noriega ended up holed up in a mission set up by the Vatican. He came in and claimed sanctuary, just like Quasimodo.
To flush him out, the US used what is called Music Torture. A fleet of Humvees mounted with loudspeakers rolled in, and blasted music, 24 hours a day, in this densely populated area. I believe it was Operation “Neat-o Tunes.”
The playlist included The Clash, Van Halen, U2, Bruce Cockburn, Guns-n-Roses and The Doors.
Thee Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff maintains that the music was used principally to prevent parabolic microphones from being used to eavesdrop on negotiations. In other words: they lied. Again. It’s what they do. (Ain’t that right, Weapons of Mass Destruction?)
After ten days of this, Noriega surrendered. It was later noted that if country “music” was played, the standoff would have only lasted two hours. But we couldn’t do that to the brave soldiers manning the Humvees.
Noriega then spent his time traveling the world. He stayed in Jails in the US, France and… well, Panama.
Later that year, “Miami Vice” was then cancelled. Coincidence? I think not.
Then Noriega died.
This hit goes to: Team Sushi! Their swath through 80s mediocrity continues!
Happy pooling,
SPMI
Current Standings:
Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)
Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)
Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)
Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)
Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)
Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)
Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)
M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)
Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)
The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)
Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)
Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)
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