Her Name Was Lola, She is a Dead Girl

Her name was Lola, She was a showgirl

When “Peter Gunn” was on the air, she would sing with her own flair

Was Born in Akron, Lola Jean Albright

And then she moved to be a star

To Hollywood which was so far

 

I don’t have hits galore, she’s just hit number four

I won’t win like all the others

I just want to score

I want Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool nirvana,

Where I can’t count my hits on one hand-a

I want Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool nirvana

Doc Severinsen & Harry Whittington,

For the Ghoul Pool: death from above.

 

She played a stipper

And had two albums

You’ve never heard of hide nor hair, this pick comes from out of nowhere

Greatest Hits?  She had two fucking albums!

And now she’s finished, her life is over

But Sean’s increase won’t go too far

Because of this obscure star

Just because no one knew, ‘cuz no one had a clue

Picked because she was his dog’s namesake

We ask who?  Who?  Who?

Because she’s Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool arcana

Not well known as Tony Danza

She is Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool arcana

Don’t care where hits come from as long as he got one

In the Ghoul Pool, he’ll lose again

 

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

A Starr is Unborn

Singer Kay Starr died at the spry age of 94.

Starr will be remembered for the two number one hits, “Wheel of Fortune,” about a plucky game show host and is non-aging partner and “The Rock And Roll Waltz,” which is less rock and roll and more like the song playing in a Martin Scorsese scene set in the 50s.

Kay became a local radio sensation at age seven and eventually had her own 15-minute show twice a week, earning $3 a performance.  Child labor laws aside, $3 was a hell of a sum of money in the Depression.  [You capitalize Depression when talking about the economic downturn of the 30s, right?]  That converts to a little over $44 in pre-President-Trump dollars.  [Post-President-Trump dollars: it converts back to $3.00.  Vote next Tuesday!]

Her family moved to Memphis, TN.  This move depressed Kay because there was no music scene in Memphis.  Historically, Memphis has been a musical vacuum that can only be

Really?  Me?  I died?

compared to Nashville.  Now, Schenectady!  That was a swingin’ place.  

Despite the lack of a music scene in town, she still managed to keep up gigs and performing on the radio.  At 15, she was chosen to sing with the Joe Venuti orchestra.  Not to be anti-Italian, but there is no way that a bandleader named Venuti was 100% legit.  That’s like saying that a guy named McFeeley is sober.

In order to escape the iron fist of Don Vanuti, she moved to Los Angeles and signed with Wingy Manone’s band because she always wanted to work with someone named “Wingy.”  Honestly, who wouldn’t.  I’m knida hopin’ that HR puts out an ad looking to hire anyone based on the name “Wingy.”

As a bonus, Manone was also the inventor of the chicken wing (hence, the name), so Kay was lousy with wings!  Unfortunately, Buffalo sauce would not be invented for another twenty years.

One of her biggest hits was her version of “(Everybody’s Waitin’ For) The Man with the Bag”, a Christmas song that quickly became a holiday favorite.  This song is awesome and if you do not own a copy, her’s is frickin’ sweet.

This hit goes to: Babysitter!  It’s his first hit this year!  [Really?  Man, he sucks.]  This gives him a firm 10 points, a mere 210 points behind the leader.  Will his list get massacred in the next day and a half?  If so, I’ll have to investigate before awarding points….

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Draft night is TOMORROW!  So exciting!

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 220 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10, Geoffrey Eglinton – 20, Addie Fausett – 100)

Jami: 210 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10, Edward Albee – 20, Chris Sizemore – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20, Buckwheat Zydeco – 40)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 120 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10, Geoffrey Eglinton – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Gianna: 110 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20, Herschell Gordon Lewis – 20, Pete Burns – 50)

Harmony: 100 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30, Gene Wilder – 20, Arnold Palmer – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Imaginary Steve: 60 – (King Bhumibol Adulyadej – 20, 谢家麟 – 10, 劉令名 – 30)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Babysitter: 10 – (Kay Starr – 10)

Cole in her Stocking

Professional coat-tail-rider, Natalie Cole, died at the spry age of 65.

Cole is known for being the daughter of the truly amazing jazz singer, Nat “King” Cole.  Every single one of Nat’s songs are simply wonderful pieces of art (except for “Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days Of Summer,” that song just sucks balls).

In 1951, Nat recorded one of his greatest hits, “Unforgettable.”  The brilliance of this song cannot be understated.  It a beautifully written and sung sweeter than honeysuckle on the vine (according to Emmet Otter).

Forty years later, because she wanted money, his daughter Natalie re-recorded “Unforgettable” in 1991.  All she really did was play her dad’s record and sang some glorified backup.  It was (and still is) a complete disgrace.  Frankly, she might as well have recorded a country song.

In 1992, this travesty won the Grammy for Song of the Year.

Let’s take a look at that, shall we?

The Grammys stipulate that The Song of the Year “must contain melody

Natalie Cole, learning about the loopholes in copy-write infringement at a young age.

and lyrics and must be either a new song or a song first achieving prominence during the eligibility year. Songs containing prominent samples or interpolations are not eligible.”

So, the question remains: What the fuck?  Clearly this song not only should never have won, but it never should never have even been nominated.  It simply does not qualify for multiple reasons!

“Geez, Sean what’s the big deal.  it’s not like anything good was nominated…”

You know what else was nominated?  “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Prince.  Prince!  A motherfucking Prince classic takes a back seat to a fucking karaoke tape! (After that only crap was nominated.  “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins?  Puh-lease.  The world obviously needed Grunge.)

Crap like this is proof that the free market implodes upon itself.

This hit goes to: Occupy the Casket!  Pirate is on the board with 40 points!  She is just another 40 points away from the inevitability of pulling ahead of the Ghoul Pool Administrator.  

Nancy Reagan, somehow, still continues to live.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

PS:  Nothing fucking Compares 2 fucking U!!!!

Current Standings:

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 70- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70)

Jami: 60 – (Scott Weiland  -60)

Occupy the Casket: 40 – (Natalie Cole – 40)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 40 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20)

Age of Aquarius: 30 (William Guest – 30)

The Girl on Fire: 20 (Wayne Rogers – 20)