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Category Archives: film

Comedian Bill Dana died at the spry age of 92.  

Made famous for his small stint in the 1983 film, “The Right Stuff,” Dana was known for doing a fairly racist impression of a Mexican in skits that always began with him saying “My name… Jose… Jimenez.”

I say fairly racist because 1) the impression would never have legs today and b) Dana was embraced by the Latino community.  He was honored by the National Hispanic Media Coalition and worked, largely behind the scenes, as an activist.

Dana did not think of his creation as racist.  He said that Jimenez “was a perfect example of a person that wanted to be assimilated into American culture, learn the language, always looked spiffy … not a bit of the racist stereotype about the unkempt Mexican.”

In “The Right Stuff,” Dana is seen on TV doing his character, much to the delight of Alan Shepherd.  

Shepherd loved doing this impression himself.  Much to the behest of hospital orderly Gonzalez, who, along with his friends, thought that his Jose Jimenez imitation is A-OK.

Dana

Dana getting his first prostate exam.

But what he was doing with it is B-A-D.

Shephard got one hell of a barium enima out of the whole ordeal.

Dana did more than just appear on “The Right Stuff.”  He contrived the trademark “Would You Believe?” line of jokes that Don Adams employed in standup and on “Get Smart.”

He and penned one of the funniest episodes in “All in the Family” history where Sammy Davis Jr. plants a kiss on Archie Bunker.

Dana’s greatest writing credits are for “Chico and the Man,” Donny and Marie Osmond’s variety hour and “Matlock.”  That was some quality shit.

This hit goes to: Jodi & Husband!  They get their very 1st hit in the ghoul pool!  Congratulations!  I’m sure you’ll want to hold a party to celebrate.  I’ll have a free weekend in September!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Joanne: 30 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10, Helmut Kohl – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Jodi & Husband: – 20 (Bill Dana – 20)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor, Adam West lies in state after dying at the spry age of 88.

West, along with Burt Ward, were the original Ambiguously Gay Duo in the campy 60’ TV show Batman.  (BIFF!!!  BAM!!! KA-POW!!!!)

The show was cancelled after three seasons because after a ratings slump, the show wasbam just too expensive.  It was the most expensive TV show on the air at the time.  Which today, is laughable.  I mean, the cast of Friends made more in one episode than it cost to make a whole season of Batman.

West always knew that the only real catwoman was Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Lee Meriwether.

He also questioned why Batman doesn’t dance any more and wondered if anyone remembered the Batusi.

west

West & Ward, shown here peaking.

But Batman was filmed at the height of free-love and it turned into a back-stage bat porno.  (Holy Bat-Pole, Batman!)

According to Burt Ward’s autobiography, Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights (available on Amazon for sixty bucks), they got more pussy than all three cat women combined.

As Ward actually put it, “Everyone wanted our Bat Sperm in every orifice.”

Now, this claim is only found in Ward’s self-published book.  So, there might not be spuriousness involved.

West himself was asked about it and his reply was that “Burt fell victim to making up stories to sell books.”

He then noted that Ward only possessed Robin Sperm and that Bat Sperm was 100%.  Pure.  West.

West was born in Walla Walla, Washington, which I bring up because saying Walla Walla is fun.  Plus, it explains why he smelled like a Walla Wallan.

This hit goes to: Josh!  He is now in a tie for 1st place with Wes!  Biff]

And I think it’s time to say what is clearly on everyone’s minds: Josh and Wes are dicks.  Comin’ in a rookies.  Gettin’ 5 or 6 hits.  140 points each.  Assholes.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 140 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Team Sushi: 70 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20, Manuel Noriega – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Nathaniel: 10 – (Peter Sallis – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

The worst James Bond, Sir Roger Moore, died at the spry age of 89.

Moore did moore than just Bond.  he was in a shitload of things.  Few of them good.  

He did a TV show called “Ivanhoe” about gardening in Russia.  He was also in “The Alaskans” as Sneaker Palin, or was he Blanket Palin?… Tent Palin?  The show only lasted one season.  

He went on to do a season of “Maverick,” in a role that Sean Connery turned down.  He left because once Garner left, the show went to shit.  I have no reference point to tell if this is true.

From 1962 through 1969, Moore played Simon Templar in the show “The Saint.”  Now this was a decent show filled with cool capers and whatnot.  Lamentably, “The Saint” is not available for streaming, but it is available on DVD.  (For us old people who still have DVD players)

The international stardom that he got from “The Saint” propelled him to star along side Tony Curtis in the new show, “The Persuaders!”  The series, like soccer, was popular

Moore

Yeah, but everyone looks good in a tuxedo.

everywhere but the US.

Next, Moore was selected to take over for Sean Connery (the best Bond) in the James Bond series.

He brought a certain shitty wit to his Bond.  He had many one-liners that ran concurrent to the character created by Ian Fleming.  But, much in the same way that disco was popular, people ate that shit up.

He made 7 bond movies over 12 years, making him the longest Bond.  (Not longest in the penis sense because George Lazenby is hung like a horse.)

He started out OK with “Live and Let Die.”  Moved on to “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me.”  But then he did “Moonraker.”

Moonraker was inexcusable.

In 2004, Moore was voted ‘Best Bond’ in an Academy Awards poll.  The next year, they selected “Million Dollar Baby” as Best Picture.  So, picking the crappiest in the lot to win is what they often do.  (“Crash?”, “The Greatest Show on Earth?”, “Birdman?”)

Moore was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 2003 for “services to charity”.   Mostly for his work with UNICEF, a charity that teaches poor children in the 3rd world how to ride a unicycle.

No, not everyone believes that He was the worst Bond.  Some of us are wrong.  And one of those wrong people is Sir Jason Carifa, who requested some input on the passing of Sir Moore.  Seeing that his Bond knowledge is vastly superior to mine (with the exception of Moore being any good), I thought it best to include his input:

His first James Bond movie “Live and Let Die” was fantastic – My personal favorite. The following movies “The Man with the Golden Gun,” and “The Spy Who Loved Me,” were great.  

Moore Space

A gun?  In space?!??! Fucking NRA…

Then the Star Wars era came upon us and instead of making “For Your Eyes Only” they decided to make “Moonraker”.  Ok, so we put monkeys and people in space but for God sakes please don’t ever put James Bond is space with laser beams again.  The movie was actually decent up until they launched Moonraker 1.

Roger took a break from 007 and decided to prove to the audiences that cannonballs can run in the 1981 memorable epic summer blockbuster “The Cannonball Run” starring my pal Burt Reynolds.

In 1983 worlds collided. The greatest movie blockbusters of the year. TWO James Bond movies by TWO different actors: Roger Moore’s “Octopussy” and the immortal Sean Connery’s (He’s immortal because he drank from the cup in Indian Jones and the last crusade) “Never Say Never Again! “

Moore did his final James Bond movie at the age of 58 was “A View to a kill” . This was another personal favorite of mine. Excellent music, excellent villain. So, Daniel Craig, there is no reason to give up on the James Bond franchise you can make it 60.

Life after James Bond was quiet he had small roles in “Spice Girls” and “Boat Trip.”

Ok I admit I saw those films.

Roger Moore Trivia:

– When rehearsing for James Bond movies he would constantly blink his eyes when shooting the gun. He was not a fan of weapons. Let’s be honest you’re not shooting a 44 Magnum like Dirty Harry. You have handgun that can fit into a purse.

-He was ready to retire after “For your eyes only” so James Brolin actually did a screen test as James Bond in Octopussy.

-He was supposed to present the Oscar for best actor to Marlon Brando for The Godfather but someone by the name of “Martinsheen Littlefarter” or some shit like that came up, and we all know how that went.

-He never ordered or drank a martini in any of the James Bond movies.

-While filming “Live and Let die” Roger Moore and Jane Seymour had dysentery in Jamaica. Well that’s a shitty story……

This hit goes to: Team Sushi!  Their two his are Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and Roger Moore.  Will they continue to cut a swath through 80s mediocrity?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Team Sushi: 50 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30, Roger Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Erin Moran, who played Joanie (who loved Chachi, but we’re not sure if that love was requited) from “Happy Days,” died at the spry age of 56.

Moran played the cute, spunky, pain-in-the-ass little sister on the classic sitcom “Happy Days,” from 1974 to 1984.

There was a brief, one season stint where she and Chachi moved on to their own musical sitcom, “Joanie Loves Chachi.”  

Musical sitcoms are a terrible idea.  A lesson that was well remembered until the advent of “Cop Rock.”

She complained that in later years, the producers of “Happy Days” told her that she needs to be more sexy.  To which she presumably replied: “Have you seen me?  I might be able to pull off cute, but sexy?”

In 1981, she starred in the movie “Twirl,” which also featured Lisa Whelchel (Blair from “The Facts of Life”), Missy Gold (Katie Gatling from “Benson”), Charles Haid (Andrew Renko from “Hill Street Blues”), Heather Locklear (the lead in many a boy’s wet dream), and multiple stars from “Falcon Crest.”

The cast list reads like a Who Used-To-Be Who list of 80’s TV.

Moran

After that failed “Flashdance” audition, it was all over for her.

After Happy Days went off the air, her life jumped the shark and she did not work much.  Sure, she had stints on “The Love Boat,” “Murder, She Wrote,” and “Diagnosis: Murder,” like so many washed-up B-listers… and C-listers ..and– you get the point.

After 1984,Happy Days ended in more way than one.

She spiraled into depression between her lack of work and the mysterious disappearance of her brother, Chuck, which had haunted her for the past nine years.

Like any good episode of “Behind the Music,” Moran turned to drugs and alcohol.

In the 90s she was evicted from a trailer park, which is a pretty hard thing to do.  Trailer parks don’t exactly set a high bar.

According to the Daily Mail, her death was allegedly due to a heroin overdose.  But this is the Daily Mail… so, of course, It has been announced that she probably died of cancer.

They also said that Moran was “broke and homeless” after she was kicked out of her mother-in-law’s trailer, which is a pretty hard thing to do.  Because her mother-in-law doesn’t exactly set a high bar.

According to Paul Petersen, who runs the child-actor advocacy group A Minor Consideration, many former child stars had reached out to her in the past week or so.  (Obviously Ron Howard, with a job offer in hand, was not one of them).

Petersen said, “We did our best with the resources available to us, but it was a very dark room. Some don’t find the light switch in time.”

So, if you got a hold of her… it would have… cured stage four cancer?  Sheesh.  Someone sure thinks a lot of himself.

Scott Baio released the following statement: “Trump is great.  Trump is great.  Trump is great.”

What a dick.

This hit goes to: Wes!  One rookie just took the lead from another one!  Wes sits high upon Ghoul Pool Mountain (well, really more of a hill) with 140 points!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Wes: 140 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10, Erin Moran – 50)

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 70 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40, Sam Ard – 30)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Professional hockey puck, Don Rickles, died at the spry age of 90.

“Clint [Eastwood], I’m sorry, but I just gotta say what’s on everybody’s mind here tonight: You’re a terrible actor.”

“We kid about great stars such as you Bob [Hope], why? Because you’re old and washed up.”  “There’s no booing! There’s no booing! If there’s another outburst we’re going to let Bob Hope get up and do his jokes!”  “What’s Bob Hope doing here? Is the war over?”

To Jimmy Kimmel: “I met your son….he’s a wonderful young kid. And he was smiling because he knows one day he’s going to come into a lot of money.”

“Bob Newhart made the claim that I am his closest friend. I have never met Bob Newhart.”

“Orson Welles, ladies and gentlemen, has been a great star for so many years. This man was married to a great many women in his life. They’re all flat now.”

“I must tell you, Mr. President [Reagan], it’s a big treat coming out here all the way from

Don Rickles

Look at that face.  Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

California for this kind of money.”

“Pat Boone, one of our great stars, right? Has a daytime show. He’s marvellous, the way he comes out—’Hi, I’m Pat Boone!’ What do you want, a cookie? You’re making a fool of yourself and going nowhere, pal. And I’m a friend.”

Don Rickles: “Can I say something, Johnny?”

Johnny Carson: “Certainly.”

Don Rickles: “You’ve gotten so old.”

“Marty (Scorsese) when we see all the films you did, none of them were great.”

“It’s a true story, so help me God.  Sinatra was headlining at the Sands, and I was with this girl having dinner in the lounge. She wasn’t anybody I would bring home to my mother, but I really wanted to score big. Frank was in the lounge at his table with Lena Horne and some other celebrities and all his security guards. And my date says, ‘My God, there’s Frank Sinatra! Do you know him?’

“I said, ‘Sure, he’s a friend of mine.’ Which he was. But I made it sound like my whole life. ‘We’re like brothers!’ She didn’t believe me. So I said, ‘Wait here, sweetheart,’ and I went over to Frank’s table. ‘What do you want, Bullethead?’ he said. That was his nickname for me. I told him I was trying to impress this girl and would he do me a very big favor and come over and just say hello. He said, ‘For you, Bullethead, I’ll do it.'”

“Five minutes later, Sinatra strolled over and said, ‘Don, how the hell are you?’

“And Don Rickles looked up and replied, ‘Not now, Frank. Can’t you see I’m with somebody?'”

This hit goes to: the Mumblers!  Noah and Leigh get their 1st hit!  Huzzah!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

The Mumblers: 10 – (Don Rickles – 10)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Her name was Lola, She was a showgirl

When “Peter Gunn” was on the air, she would sing with her own flair

Was Born in Akron, Lola Jean Albright

And then she moved to be a star

To Hollywood which was so far

 

I don’t have hits galore, she’s just hit number four

I won’t win like all the others

I just want to score

I want Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool nirvana,

Where I can’t count my hits on one hand-a

I want Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool nirvana

Doc Severinsen & Harry Whittington,

For the Ghoul Pool: death from above.

 

She played a stipper

And had two albums

You’ve never heard of hide nor hair, this pick comes from out of nowhere

Albright

Greatest Hits?  She had two fucking albums!

And now she’s finished, her life is over

But Sean’s increase won’t go too far

Because of this obscure star

Just because no one knew, ‘cuz no one had a clue

Picked because she was his dog’s namesake

We ask who?  Who?  Who?

Because she’s Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool arcana

Not well known as Tony Danza

She is Ghoul Pool, Ghoul Pool arcana

Don’t care where hits come from as long as he got one

In the Ghoul Pool, he’ll lose again

 

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 60 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20, Lola Albright – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

Right now, in the afterlife, Chuck Barris is meeting Chuck Berry.  Oh, if only David Letterman could have introduced them.  “Chuck Barris, Chuck Berry.  Chuck Berry, Chuck Barris.”

Crappy TV show creator, songwriter, novelist and possible CIA assassin, Chuck Barris, died at the spry age of 87.

Barris’ first game show was “The Dating Game” (precursor to the far superior “Love Connection”).

The show was a woman on one side of a wall asking questions to three men on the other side and her picking a date without seeing them.  There were always double entendres and dirty jokes and everyone hoped that she would pick the uggo just to see her expression when he was revealed at the end.

He next show was The Newlywed Game where three sets of Newlyweds were quizzed on how well they knew each other.  There were always double entendres and dirty jokes and someone would win a washer and dryer at the end.

Then there was “The Gong Show.”  Possible the worst TV show this side of Molly Dodd.

The show was basically the early episodes of an “American Idol” season.  You know, where

chuckbarris

Yeah, this guy was a national treasure.

you watch to see how awful people are.

Barris hosted the show because the planned host was treating the show as a talent show and not as a parody of one.

A bad act would perform and it was truly awful, someone like Jamie Farr would bang a giant gong to end it all.

They developed running characters in the show.  Like The Unknown Comedian who was a stand-up who told intentionally corny jokes while wearing a paper bag over his head.  And Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, the show’s prop master who would dance to “Jumpin’ at the Woodside” while people off stage threw random props at him.

But mostly, the show was just crap.

Baris wrote an autobiography called Confessions of a Dangerous Mind which was made into a George Clooney movie in 2002.

In the book, Barris claimed that he worked for the CIA as an assassin in the 1960s and the 1970s.

A CIA spokesman at the time said “It sounds like he has been standing too close to the gong all those years.”

Plus, they were too busy bugging the phones of Presidential candidates (as they are known to do).

This hit goes to: Josh!  Josh takes the lead with 120 points!  With seven months left, can he hold onto his lead?

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 120 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60, Chuck Barris – 20)

Jami: 100 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 90 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20, David Penrose Buckson – 10)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 60 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20, Moulton “Pete” Marston – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Mary: 10 – (Chuck Berry – 10)

Joanne: 10 – (Judge Joseph Wapner – 10)

If you are wondering who’s going to make the wands now, the answer is: no one.  

Actor Sir John Hurt escaped Brexit last week at the spry age of 77.

Like many actors, Hurt got his start in the theatre.  In 1962, he appeared in “Infanticide in the House of Fred Ginger,” a controversial work that ended with the gratuitous killing of a child.  It was the feel-good play of the year.  It was much better than “Cats.”  People went to see it again and again.

Hurt came into prominence in the 1966 film “A Man for All Seasons,” about a guy who’s really into the weather.

In 1976, he played the even-keeled, level-headed and strictly moralist Caligula in the mini-series, “I, Claudius.”  

In the show, Caligula becomes emperor and starts throwing out ridiculous edicts and eventually declaring himself to be a god.  Nothing like you would ever get in America.

One role (of many) that he will always be remembered for is that of alien fodder in 1979’s

john-hurt

Say… wait a minute here.  He doesn’t look like an elephant!  Elephants don’t go to the opera!  And where’s his trunk?

“Alien.”  He was the one who (*spoiler*) had a baby alien spring out of his chest.

He reprised the role in “Spaceballs.”

In 1980, he played the role of John Merrick in “The Elephant Man,” about a guy who looked like an elephant.  (As of now, there is no word on whether the estate of Michael Jackson plans to purchase Mr. Hurt’s skeleton.)

Hurt played wand-maker Mr. Ollivander in the first and last Harry Potter movies.  A role that, while prominent in the overall plat, does not seem to require a first name.

He also appeared on a Doctor Who Special where he played the first?… the twelfth?… well, he played The Doctor in any case.

This hit goes to M!  This is her first ever Ghoul Pool hit!  She had been getting mad at the people on her list for not dying.  Maybe now she can cool her jets.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Josh: 100 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10, Terry Edwards – 60)

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

M: 30 – (Sir John Hurt – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Brilliant actress and comedian, Mary Tyler Moore became no more today at the spry age of 80.

Moore was more than just a pretty, beret-throwin’ set of gams.  She was a feminst icon who could turn the motehrfuckin’ world on with her motherfuckin’ smile!  She could take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile, goddamnit!

From 1961 through 1966, she played Laura Petrie on the classic “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”  [This show is available to stream on Netflix.  I recommend that you do so.]

Housewives had previously been shown in the the Donna Reed style of overly dressy skirts and frou-frou heels mold of a sitcom housewife.  ‘Cuz, you know, reality.

Instead, Tyler Moore’s character, Laura shattered that view by opting to wear capri pants—a revolutionary choice that sparked plenty of studio and sponsor hand-wringing.

“I had Laura wear pants, because I said, ‘Women don’t wear full-skirted dresses to vacuum in,’ she said.  “CBS said, ‘You know, we’re afraid that housewives are going to be a little annoyed because she looks so good in pants.’ [Which she did]  So they made me wear pants in no more than one scene.”

After three episodes, she said, funk that  and just wore the pants anyway.  Later she said “We got the absolution of men everywhere and women kind of breathed a sigh of relief, too, and said, ‘Hey, that’s right. That’s what we wear.’”

Personally, I like to wear a big frou-frou dress and heels when I’m vacuuming.  But that’s

moore

You’re damn right she looked so good in them pants!

me.  And J. Edgar Hoover.  [Topical.]

In 1970, she started her own production company with then hubby Grant Tinker: MTM (*meow*).  Guess what it stood for…

MTM’s (*meow*) 1st show was, believe it or not, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”  Holy crap was this show great.  But it also broke barriers for women, while being hilarious.

The show centered around a single, career-minded woman living on her own.  

Now, at the time the CBS network researchers warned that there were four things viewers would never accept in their living rooms: New Yorkers, Jews, divorced women, and men with mustaches.  Well… two outta four ain’t bad.

The New Yorker character Rhoda was Jewish — as was Lou, the show sometimes implied.  They dumped the divorcee angle because preview audiences couldn’t believe that she would divorce a guy as nice as Dick Van Dyke.  People are dumb.

Similarly novel were hints that Mary was sexually active.  This seems like nothing today, but it was a huge deal back in the 70s.  So, Lena Dunham better get on her skanky knees and thank Mary Tyler Moore for creating the ability for her to produce her own drivel on HBO.

Basically, she became the incarnation of the modern woman.  

The show was part of CBS’s winning Saturday-night lineup, which also included “M*A*S*H*,” “All in the Family” and “The Carol Burnett Show.”  What?  On Saturday night?!?!  Don’t they usually reserve Saturday night for crap fests like “Full House,” or “Family Matters?”

You cannot talk about “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” without mentioning Chuckles the Clown.

Known as the best sitcom episode – ever.  A children’s TV show host, Chuckles the Clown, is killed. He was dressed as Peter Peanut in a circus parade and an elephant tried to eat him.  [Don’t worry, they don’t show it.  This isn’t “Game of Thrones.”]

Throughout the episode, everyone is making jokes about his death, much to the behest of Mary, who finds such humor inappropriate.  Until the funeral, when Mary loses it.

During rehearsals, Tyler Moore was supposed to remain grim and mournful while everyone joked about his unusual demise, but she continually cracked up whenever Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo was mentioned. She recalled that the insides of her cheeks were almost raw from biting them so hard to keep from laughing during the actual taping of the episode.

MTM (*meow*) went on to do a slate of other, little known shows: “The Bob Newhart Show,” “Newhart,” “WKRP in Cincinnati,” “Hill Street Blues” “St. Elsewhere,” “Remington Steele” and “Rescue 911.”

Now, this woman didn’t live the cushy life of the elite.  Her parents were alcoholics.  Her sister died of alcohol and drug OD.  Her brother died of cancer.  And her ONLY SON died in a gun accident.  And through all that, this fucking saint made us laugh!  Personally, I’d be at the bottom of a bottle after all that crap.

This hit goes to: Morrigan’s Mirror!  Pirate doubles her score to 40 points!

There is a planned execution tonight, so we might have a new leader soon.  Unless the Supreme Court comes through.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 50 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10, Hashemi Rafsanjani – 20 )

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Morrigan’s Mirror: 40 – (William Christopher – 20, Mary Tyler Moore – 20)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka – 30)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)

Actress and star of “Singin’ in the Rain,” Debbie Reynolds died at the spry age of 84.

Reynolds grew up in El Paso, Texas where her father was a ditch digger and her mother took in laundry.  In other words: they were the poorest family in El Paso, Texas.  Which is an accomplishment in itself.

She was only 19 when she was cast in “Singin’ in the Rain,” a movie that I will simply trust that you have seen because I am assuming that you are a human with a soul.  Or am I supposing erroneously?

At the time she lived with her parents and commuted to the set. She woke up at 4:00 AM to ride three different buses to the studio.  Sometimes, it was easier to just sleep on the set.  She was living the Hollywood dream.

Reynolds was not a dancer at the time she made “Singin’ in the Rain,” she was as a gymnast. Kelly apparently insulted her for her lack of dance experience, upsetting her.

reynolds

Reynold’s foot is cropped out of this photo because of all the blood.

 ‘Cuz you know, Gene Kelly: Dick.

When Fred Astaire found Reynolds crying under a piano. He volunteered to help her with her dancing.  Luckily she had that gymnastics background because Astaire was a known as a boorish lummox who always blundered across the stage.  

[Maybe I should double check that… nah… I’m pretty sure hatesoldtimeydancing5401 knows what he-or-she is talking about.]

After shooting the “Good Morning” routine from 8:00 AM until 11:00 PM, Reynolds’ feet were bleeding and she had to be, literally, carried off the set.

Despite this, Gene Kelly decided that someone should dub her tap sounds, so he went into a dubbing room to dub the sound of her feet as well as his own.  ‘Cuz you know, Gene Kelly: Dick.

Reynolds later said that Kelly “is a perfectionist and a disciplinarian–the most exciting director I’ve ever worked for. And he has a good temper. Every so often he would yell at me and make me cry.”  A guy with a good temper that makes you cry… Did she understand what the words “Good” and” Temper” mean when juxtaposed together like that?

Even Donald O’Connor admitted that he did not enjoy working with Gene Kelly, because he was a of a tyrant.  O’Connor said that for the first several weeks he was terrified of making a mistake and being yelled at by Kelly.   ‘Cuz you know, Gene Kelly: Dick.

Years later, Reynolds said that “‘Singin’ in the Rain’ and childbirth were the two hardest things I ever had to do in my life.”

Kelly later admitted that he had not been kind to Reynolds and was surprised that she was still willing to talk to him afterwards.   Frankly, so am I.  ‘Cuz you know, Gene Kelly: Dick.

There was a lot more about Reynold’s life that I could have written about.  But I so enjoy calling out Gene Kelly for his douchebaggery and dickishness.

This hit goes to: Wes!  He has three hits now and is only 10 points behind the leader!  Happy early birthday, Wes!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 90 – (Fidel Castro – 10, Bernard Frost – 20, Zsa Zsa Gabor – 10, George Michael – 50)

Wes: 80 – (Holly Dunn – 50, John Glenn – 10, Debbie Reynolds – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 50 – (Ralph Branca – 10, Craig Sager – 40)

Josh: 40 – (Florence Henderson – 20, Grant Tinker – 10, Gordie Tapp – 10)

Lee Kwang Soo!: – 30 (Alice Drummond – 20, Dr. Henry Heimlich – 10)

Gianna: 20 – (Leonard Cohen – 20)