A Starr is Unborn

Singer Kay Starr died at the spry age of 94.

Starr will be remembered for the two number one hits, “Wheel of Fortune,” about a plucky game show host and is non-aging partner and “The Rock And Roll Waltz,” which is less rock and roll and more like the song playing in a Martin Scorsese scene set in the 50s.

Kay became a local radio sensation at age seven and eventually had her own 15-minute show twice a week, earning $3 a performance.  Child labor laws aside, $3 was a hell of a sum of money in the Depression.  [You capitalize Depression when talking about the economic downturn of the 30s, right?]  That converts to a little over $44 in pre-President-Trump dollars.  [Post-President-Trump dollars: it converts back to $3.00.  Vote next Tuesday!]

Her family moved to Memphis, TN.  This move depressed Kay because there was no music scene in Memphis.  Historically, Memphis has been a musical vacuum that can only be

Really?  Me?  I died?

compared to Nashville.  Now, Schenectady!  That was a swingin’ place.  

Despite the lack of a music scene in town, she still managed to keep up gigs and performing on the radio.  At 15, she was chosen to sing with the Joe Venuti orchestra.  Not to be anti-Italian, but there is no way that a bandleader named Venuti was 100% legit.  That’s like saying that a guy named McFeeley is sober.

In order to escape the iron fist of Don Vanuti, she moved to Los Angeles and signed with Wingy Manone’s band because she always wanted to work with someone named “Wingy.”  Honestly, who wouldn’t.  I’m knida hopin’ that HR puts out an ad looking to hire anyone based on the name “Wingy.”

As a bonus, Manone was also the inventor of the chicken wing (hence, the name), so Kay was lousy with wings!  Unfortunately, Buffalo sauce would not be invented for another twenty years.

One of her biggest hits was her version of “(Everybody’s Waitin’ For) The Man with the Bag”, a Christmas song that quickly became a holiday favorite.  This song is awesome and if you do not own a copy, her’s is frickin’ sweet.

This hit goes to: Babysitter!  It’s his first hit this year!  [Really?  Man, he sucks.]  This gives him a firm 10 points, a mere 210 points behind the leader.  Will his list get massacred in the next day and a half?  If so, I’ll have to investigate before awarding points….

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Draft night is TOMORROW!  So exciting!

Current Standings:

Occupy the Casket: 220 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10, Geoffrey Eglinton – 20, Addie Fausett – 100)

Jami: 210 – (Scott Weiland  – 60, Pat Harrington, Jr. – 20, Umberto Eco – 20, Rob Ford – 60, Erik Bauersfeld – 10, Edward Albee – 20, Chris Sizemore – 20)

Tailgating w/ Jesus: 140 (Dolph Schayes – 20, Meadowlark Lemon – 20, Monte Irvin – 10, Muhammad Ali – 30, Pat Summitt – 40, Buddy Ryan – 20)

Joanne: 130 (Joey Feek – 60, Joe Garagiola – 10, Julius La Rosa – 20, Buckwheat Zydeco – 40)

Lee Kwang-Soo (Giraffe): 130- (Daniel Fleetwood – 70, Abe Vigoda – 10, Nancy Fucking Reagan! – 10!, George Martin – 10, Elie Wiesel – 20, Mike “Mighty Atom, Jr.” Greenstein – 10)

Occupy the Casket: 120 – (Natalie Cole – 40, Vanity – 50, Boutros Boutros-Ghali – 10, Geoffrey Eglinton – 20)

The Girl on Fire: 120 (Wayne Rogers – 20, René Angélil – 30, George Gaynes – 10, James Noble – 10, Doris Roberts – 10, Marni Nixon – 20, Fyvush Finkel – 10, Steven Hill – 10)

Gianna: 110 (Robert Stigwood – 20, Lois Duncan – 20, Herschell Gordon Lewis – 20, Pete Burns – 50)

Harmony: 100 (Harper Lee – 20, George Kennedy – 10, Frank Sinatra, Jr. – 30, Gene Wilder – 20, Arnold Palmer – 20)

Team Sushi: 80 (Chyna, aka Joanie Laurer – 60, Morley Safer – 20)

Imaginary Steve: 60 – (King Bhumibol Adulyadej – 20, 谢家麟 – 10, 劉令名 – 30)

Mostly Mike: 60 (Marvin Minsky – 20, Mihaly “Michu” Meszaros – 30, Janet Waldo – 10)

Age of Aquarius: 60 (William Guest – 30, Merle Haggard – 30)

Nathaniel: 50 (Alan Young – 10, Kenny Baker – 20, Glenn Yarbrough – 20)

Mortician’s Daughter: 50 – (Justice Antonin Scalia – 30, Bud Collins – 20)

Babysitter: 10 – (Kay Starr – 10)

What the Hell is a Tar Heel?

Former North Carolina Tar Heel coach, Dean Smith, died at the spry age of 83.

Dean spent 36 seasons as coach of North Carolina, his record was 879-254 (.776 win pct.), he retired with more wins than any coach in men’s Division I history, he made 11 Final Four appearances, won 2 national championships, 17 ACC regular-season titles, 13 ACC tournament titles, had only one losing season in 36 years as UNC head coach.

And he gets a big fat “who cares” from this guy.  Why?  Because basketball is the country music of sports.  It’s the worst.  The 1st half is completely trivial, there’s a constant scree of high-pitched sneaker squeaks that makes my hair hurt, and you can’t touch other players.  I mean, it’s the only sport designed to keep people inside.

Smith was also an understudy for one of Jeff Dunham’s stupid puppets.

So, go tell it to Dick Vitale.  I could give two shits about basketball accomplishments.

Smith pioneered the Four Corners time-melting offense which blah, blah,blah… now let me tell you about Sergei Eisenstein’s brilliant use of juxtaposition in “The Battleship Potemkin!”  Or Martin Scorsese’s use of camera movement in “Goodfellas,”… or the mise-en-scène in “Citizen Kane.”

OK, I guess we all need to be nerds about something.  But I still hate basketball.

Now to more important matters: Tar Heels?  What the fuck kinda team name is that?  When have you ever heard someone say, “look out for that guy, he’s got tar on his heels?”  Even just the word “Heel.”  Don’t they know that it’s an insult meaning a dishonorable or unscrupulous person.  So, we’re a bunch of assholes covered in tar?  I just don’t get it…  like most of basketball.

This hit goes to: Tailgating with Jesus!  Bean is now tied for 2nd place and only 10 points shy of the leader!

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Jami: 70 – (Diem Brown)

Tailgating with Jesus: 60 – (Jean Béliveau – 20, Ernie Banks – 20)

Nikki: 60 – (Stuart Scott – 60)

Fearless Ghoul Pool Administrator: 30 – (King Abdullah – 10, Joe Franklin – 20)

Anne: 30 – (Joe Cocker – 30)

Team Sushi: 30 – (Marion Barry – 30)

Mostly Mike: 20 – (Ralph H Baer – 10, Edward W. Brooke III – 10)

The Girl on Fire: 20 – (Mario Cuomo – 20)

I-Steve (a.k.a: The Arch-Bishop!): 20 – (Fiorenzo Angelini – 10, Jorge María Mejía – 10)

The Mortician’s Daughter:  10 – (“Little” Jimmy Dickens – 10)

The Winters of Jami’s Discontent

Robin William’s son, Jonathan Winters, died at the spry age of 87.

If you don’t think that this man was funny, you are a fucking moron.

“I remember him coming out of his egg like it was yesterday,” A tearful Williams shared at a press conference before doing a line of coke and telling penis jokes for an hour.  You know how that guy is, once he gets going….

Winters’ estranged mother, Pam Dawber, could not be reached for comment because, frankly, no one has heard from her since 1989.  Apparently, the filming of “Do You Know the Muffin Man,” really took its toll on her.

Winters did live long enough to finish his work on the much anticipated Smurfs 2.  Director Martin Scorsese said, “and it’s a good thing too because nobody could embody, nobody could become Papa Smurfthe wayWintersdid.Hehadacertainjenesaisquoi thatyoujustcouldn’tfidineveryactor …”  the rest could not be understood because Scorsese was drinking an espresso at the time and the rest of his tribute was lost to rapidity.

This hit goes to: The New Dick in Town!  Yes, he continues to earn his title because he stole Winters from Jami!  Again!  Man, what a dick.  Clearly, his strategy of raiding other people’s lists continues to piss people off.  So… good luck with that.

When reached for comment, Jami’s said <<enter silent, cold glare here>>.  Uh-oh.

With this hit, NDIT breaks into the world of triple digits and is only behind the leaders by 20 points.  But don’t worry, Nancy Reagan will die and that’ll give me… OK, I need more than Nancy over here.

Happy pooling,

SPMI

Current Standings:

Dawn-n-Mike – 120 (Oscar Niemeyer – 0, Norman Joseph Woodland – 10, Patti Page – 20, Reg Presley – 30, Hugo Chavez – 50, Frank Thornton – 10)

The New Dick in Town – 100 – (Jack Klugman – 10, Mindy McCready – 70, Jonathan Winters – 20)

Tailgating with Jesus – 70 – (Marvin Miller – 10, Earl Weaver – 20, Jerry Buss – 20, Gus Triandos – 20)

Joanne – 60 – (Freddy Schmidt – 10, Robert Bork – 20, C. Everett Koop – 10, Moon Mullen – 10, Virgil Trucks – 10)

Jami – 50 – (Larry Hagman – 20, Annette Funicello – 30)

The Girl on Fire – 50 – (Dear Abby – 10, Ed Koch – 20, Milo O’Shea – 20)

Team Sushi – 50 – (Conrad Bain – 20, Roger Ebert – 30)

Gianna – 50 – (Lucille Bliss – 10, Bonnie Franklin – 40)

Babysitter – 40 (Clive Dunn – 10, Ravi Shankar – 10, Margaret Thatcher – 20)

Council of Geeks – 40 (Richard Griffiths – 40)

Sean P. McFeeley I – 10 – (Patty Andrews – 10)

Nikki the Bad-Ass – 10 – (Stan Musial – 10)

“Sister” Mary Sheila – 10 (Lee MacPhail – 10)